you are a wallflower, calm and observant and accepting of others
you are the love people pray for and the hymns they sing on sleepy sunday mornings
you are beauty and you're busy making me into a masterpiece
you trace my every outline with a shaky finger painting my skin with colors that bring out the shadows of my cheekbones and the holes in heart.
you reassure me that there is divinity and simplicity coexisting
you lift me up above the world, spinning on its axis and put me in orbit around your shining sun
and you watch my comets soar appreciating their juxtaposition of fire trailed by ice
you understand my quietness and give me time to pick apart my words letter by letter
know I have to have times hands grasped firmly in mine
you give definition to every word my trembling voice manages to form.
turning my nouns into objects of desire and verbs into movies with the sound off
you are everything to me . I am everything to you
and I swear to God, that's the best thing in my life

I am "tell me you love me" at 3 am
I am "go **** yourself" at 4 am
I am
*** on the kitchen counter when the bedroom is two steps away
holding your head to my chest when you don't want to go to work in the morning
I am
"please stop lying"
perpetually running
baking a pie and kissing you with sugared lips in the kitchen
I am
driving when I shouldn't be
screaming the lyrics to every song
smoking on the roof in a little beach town
I am
an early morning jog
a midnight sprint
hot tea when I feel ill
blankets on the floor
"come lay down with me"
I am
checking my pulse
putting the razor down
heart beating
I am, I am, I am

I only answered your phone calls at 2am because I thought I didn’t deserve better

You told me I had a fantastic *** and then called me “Sam”

I only kept you around because I had horrible nightmares. When you would lie in bed next to me I took a sleep aid and pretended you were someone else.

I’m sorry I acted like a spoiled brat. I was a freshman and had no idea how to deal with “adult” relationships. Or “feelings” for that matter.

It wasn’t over when you showed up blackout drunk to my party. It was over when I saw her name light up your cellphone while you were throwing up in the bathroom.

The days we spent discussing whether we were the only two people in the world in your frat house are some of the best memories I have in college.

You thought you were better than me and I stopped answering your texts because I realized I believed you.

You laughed and told me I was “cute.” I should have reminded you that I once got kicked out of a frat party for punching a brother in the face.

I didn’t sleep with you because I thought you were full of ****. You turned out to be full of ****.

This “incredible body” has been put through hell after I gained 30 pounds freshman year because I was depressed.

You’re actually not a nice person at all.

You were a baby and I didn’t want to hurt you.

I’m sorry, what color are my eyes? *******.

I loved you. Actually, I think I still love you. However leaving you meant that I was making the decision to love myself more.