That pure friendship.
Oh.
Beyond the expectation of having tremendous friends.
Forgetting other insignificant substance.

Taken away for a while.
Leaving the ******* behind.
Oh.

J and D.

The last person who wished.
That is what I am hoping for.

The last person who you would be with.
That is what I am still unsure about.

I am not a person whose feeling could be toy with.

Are we still in the wrong time?

Happy birthday.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness you play.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness you smile.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness you fight.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness you back on the field.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness your glory.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness your dedication.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness your presence.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness your existence.

Is it too much to ask?
To witness your dedication.

Among those gazillion words,
We choose to seal our mouths.

Among those chances,
We choose to stand still.

Among those thoughts,
We choose to hide.

Aren't we poignant?

I might have been lying for the past nine years.
I might have been fooling my feeling.

But one thing.

I love you.
It is real.

We spent the last days without talking.
Without giving a short notice.
Without a glance.
Without a smile.
Until the day came.
We did not know how.
How we feel.
How we struggle.
How we hold.
How we care.
How we love.
Oh.
Unspoken things.
Unsaid feeling.

Just **** me.

See that smiling girl?
Sincere one, isn't it?

See that happy girl?
So happy that you suddenly feel blessed, don't you?

See that cheerful laugh?
You can't help but also grin, can you?

She is the girl,
Who always smiles,
Happy,
And cheerful.

Yes.

She has millions things to hide.
Gazillions secrets within herself.
Loud screams in her mind.

See that girl?
It's me.

And when you are back
You will know where to find me

Sitting in the corner
Waiting for your arrival
Hoping that you would come to me
Expecting you still love me like I love you
Like we used to

You know exactly
Where to find me

You know where I am

You know me

You can close your eyes
From the things
You refuse to see

You can shut your mouth
From the things
You do not want to say

You can cover your ears
From the things
You mind to hear

But

You cannot fool your heart
From the things
You feel

Hope.
Expectation.

Oh.

Disappointment.
Anger.

They left me.
Are they friends?
Were they friends?

*******.

For he always comes unexpectedly,
he loves me unusual ways;
unconditionally.

January 2005.
What a creep.
The end drove me to foresee.
Imagination went wild.
New creature arose.
A whole new world.
New different level.
Living on the edge.
With the creatures I created myself.
They are all fiction.
Yet I believe in them.
Postulating them real.

How?
To stop presupposing.

Haul me.
Salvage me.
Patronize me.

How it feels like to be a loner.

Everyone talks about you.
They murmur.
They gossip.
Oh, my dear insecurity.

Is this a punishment?
For being too proud.

Is this a mortification?
For being too happy.

Is this a sanction?
For being too cocky.

Is this a trial?
For being too cold.

Is this a comeuppance?
For being too relaxed.

Is this a penance?
For being too deep in love.

Is this a sequestration?
For believing my own lies.

Windy day.
Doesn't matter.
Cold day.
Doesn't matter.

Warm hug.
Warm smile.
Warm kiss.
Doesn't matter.

I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.

It was raining.
It was midnight.
It was cold.

I ran into your house.
Calling you from outside.
You answered it sincerely.

Happy birthday.
You are literally the greatest present in my life.
Thank you for your existence.

Thank you for the warm hug.
Sweet smile.
Caring eyes.
Lovely kiss.

Alles Gute zum 22. Geburtstag, Schatz.

I know.
Heaven is running out of angels.
They are searching for new one.
And they chose you.
What an angel's son.

My dear acquaintance.
Though we do not know each other well.
Rest in peace.
My deepest heartfelt condolences.
Ruhe in Frieden.

It was a shiny day.
In contrast, I was shattered.
What news.
Directly broke my heart.
Tears could not stop flowing until now.

I may love to shop.
But I am not buying *******.
Dear Paul William Walker IV.
You will be so much missed.
Race in paradise, Paul, Brian.

Ich weiss nicht warum.
Aber die guten Menschen leider oft zu früh gehen.
Ruhe in Frieden.

Resentful.
Abhor.

Yes.
I am enraged.
Acrimonious.

Indiscreet people.....
Strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior.
Kiss it repeatedly.

*****.

There will be a time.
When I look in the mirror, I see myself.
Hurts.
Scars.
Wounds.
Pains.
Bruises.
Trials.
I will survive.
From the things that could have killed me.

But not today.

I look at the mirror.
I see nothing.
I am invisible.
I do not even know who I am.

I take a glance.
There is someone.
Someone who looks like me.
But it is not me.

The shadow is upon me.
The darkness is covering me.
The solitude is smothering me.
I am dumbfounded.

Reflection, reveal the real contour.

I am wounded.
I am vulnerable.
I am suicidal.
I am catatonic.
I am in pain.
I am miserable.
I am weepy.
I am insecure.
I am distraught.

Save me.

They said everything was going to be all right.
They said I did not have to be tenacious.
They said it was okay to feel powerless.
They said we were all fragile.
They said we could not escape the fate.
They said we were all up to something.

Uncertainty.
Death.
Despair.

Your lips are bandages.
Yet they only cover.

Silent night.
Perfect time to ease off.
Immersing myself to a fascination.

Ringing phone broke the silence.
Atrocious news was delivered.
My whole life turned meaningless.

David.
You are all I had.
Take me with you.

Snowy.
Windy.
Freezing.
Empty.
Dark.
Lost.

I am nothing without you.

I wonder if you remembered me.
I am still the one that always love you.
For no matter what.
Though you left me behind.

I still could recall the day you left me.
I was lost.
I could not find my way back home.
The home where I always back to was gone.

I still could recall the day you left me.
I felt the most painful hurt.
I was broken into pieces.
I was shattered.

You left me speechless.
You left me ******.
You left me in agony.
You left me in sorrow.

I do not mad, D.
I cannot stay mad at you even for a second.
I still love you anyway. And always.
I am willing to trade my life only to see you again.
Though only for a while.

How does heaven look like, D?
I hope they have angels around you.
Angels that will never leave you.
That will take care of you.

You are my entire world.
You are all I need.
You are my everything.
And I could not ask more than you.
I love you, D.

Society.
They force people how to behave.
I am cornered.
I am not able to speak.
I am not able to show how I feel.

The perks of being too strong.
No one care to ask if I am hurt.
And no one will believe that I am seriously wounded.
I cannot show to people that I am actually hurt; inside.

I have to be in a fine feather.
Always.

I wake up in the morning.
The sun shines too bright.
Yet I can't see the light.
Dark.
Empty.
And everything's different.

I lost him.

He said, "Don't ever let me go."
He asked, "Love me unconditionally."

Regrettably, it's not addressed to me.

You.
I love you.
No, I don't ask you to love me back.
Be good.
Be merry.
Though you're not with me.