how i wish someone would burst in and save me from my total lack of motivation to operate in this sphere

1:46am
4:46am
Two time zones between
I'm trying to s l e e p
Maybe it's too late
Maybe it's too early
I don't know much
But I know
That I'm lonely

Even if I'm not alone

Mama said there'd be
Days like this
But some of these days
Are actually

Kind of okay

That feeling when you're empty
And lonesome
In need of distraction
Something to fill you

That feeling when you know
The world is cold
And you just want
To be warm

So you push and pull
And struggle
Past the wall of thoughts
And worries

Forcing your mind to the alley
To the ***** streets
Where lovely things die
And the wholesome withers

You dive into nastiness
Depravity
A ****** highway
To hell

Because when you arrive
You die
And not in the way
You hoped you would

The hands and mouths of ghosts
Have all left
You're cold on the bed
And still alone

The last light of ******
Flickers out
Like a repossessed dream
Like a phantom

The space between sleep
Is now laughing
But you cannot tell
From whence it comes

Reminding you of
Your feeble attempts
At escaping
By the highway

I had a short interaction with a stranger, and I wanted to stay alive for them. It's over now, and I want to die again.

the world isn't designed for all of us, but hopefully we can find a way to exist in it

**** this
*******
I need a drink
I need ****
I need THE SWEET MERCIFUL ANGEL OF DEATH TO FINALLY CALL ME FORTH
LIKE I KNOW I HAVE TO BE PATIENT AND MY TIME WILL COME
BUT LIKE
*******

She saved me from the smallest box.
The one I'd been confined to for an* eternity. She smiled at me, and I desperately reached for her.
'LET ME OUT!'
And she did. She saved me from the hellish existence of the tiny box.
I didn't quite remember why, but I wanted to be

Outside.

But I had no clue what

Outside

Was.

I'd forgotten in the mind-breaking box. What did it smell like? Sound like? Taste like?
How could I get there?
She put me in a room
With a moving picture
Of

Outside.

I recognized the shapes and shades of it. Just a small picture of it, but recognizable.
In time, I moved throughout a maze of rooms. I learned about
The door.
I hadn't seen that on the way in.
When it opened, I could see it-

Outside.

I knew if I could get close enough,
I could
Escape
For just
A little
While.
One night, I did just that.

I loved night the most.
I could easily move around in the dark without being seen. Or heard. Or even sensed. I was part of the darkness.
She started to panic.
Did she think I would abandon her?
My savior?
No, but I would stay close.
She ultimately tricked me back into the rooms.
Her efforts to prevent my
Escape
Became more vigorous.
She would stare at me
For seconds
Before opening the door.
I would stare back, not challenging her.

My next escape was glorious.
Another person that wasn't her
Left a window
With a broken screen
Open,
And she wasn't in any of the rooms.
I slipped through the screen
And into the day
I felt the
Sun.
I remembered everything.
I wandered the grounds of
The rooms.
I climbed the wall
That separated a network
Of other rooms.
I was

Outside.

I was happy,
But I knew she would worry if
She returned to find me
Missing.
I went back
To realize
There was no way back inside.
The night was getting cold.
I scaled the wall around part of
The grounds
And found a small shelter
From the winds
And prayed she would return soon.

I awoke to the sound of the rustling of my small shelter.
Startled, I ran for the door of the rooms, which sat open.
She was warm,
And so I welcomed her embrace
All the more.

From then on, she trusted me. She knew that I could go

Outside

And return again
To her.
<3

You know that feeling
When you suddenly
Lose all of your light
And energy
And breath
And h o p e
And m o t i v a t i o n?

I get it.
You just wanted my soul
in the form of my
lovesick poetry.

25 years married to a man like that
It's no wonder she looks like hell

I'd feel sorry for her
If it weren't for those pesky microaggressions

There's a train comin'
And there's a party on the tracks
There's a faint horn blowin'
And there's no one else that hears

All I can do is watch