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I get snatches from an early memory,
Mother holding an axe overhead,
The evening's firewood she sought,
From the log of wood that lay ahead.

She brought down the blade,
Blunted by time and use,
It stuck onto the log refused to let go,
She lifted the axe with the log and all, brought it down with a rage.

I remember a sharp pain on my left side,
And warm liquid flowing on my face,
I remember the crowds running and and hurrying,
I turned around to see what was happening that way.

I heard the rumors of a scream, whispering violently,
Like an irritating fly it unsettled me and my mother, shocked,
But the scream did not originate within my throat,
A collective roar split the land where the crowds so quickly flocked.

flashback stops


I am now the feared one-eyed pirate that  sails the seven seas,
A silent ghost of a tear appears from the eye that isn't there,
Alas! Now the legends of how mine disability arose,
Makes only for whimsical tales narrated in the company of another jovial wayfarer.
Inspired from a real life scene of a slum-dweller cutting firewood with her 3-4 year old son looking.
You sit under a streetlamp
Contemplating the cracked glass
Of your flickering appearance
You thought you were alone.

But here I stand watching you as you watch me.
Unaware of your silent company unaware
Of how your shadows call to mine
Unaware
Of how the moonlight guides our every move
As we hear the pendulum swing
As we dance upon the curtails of the flock.

We were lingering too long in the back of the line
We were waiting for the life afforded
We were once something great.
They said it was impossible
But we will not miss it again.
We will not leave it behind for the unworthy to find.

So it will sing.
It is singing.  
It is singing it is
A caged bird and it is singing.
It is still singing it is
A caged bird and it is
Still
Singing.
They thought it a simple bluebird.
But you were a masquerading raven.
You sang softly,

‘I hear the sound of waves pouring over me
I hear the sound of beaches settling the sea
I hear the sound of armies trudging through the sand
I can see the flames of justice burning
Through the brand’


So sing like the days mean inversion
And the nights shine bright
Until stars disappear at light.
And then
You will wait.
Just wait until your furnace burns again, wait
Until the fire licks at your mountains of angst and
Breathe.  
Just breathe.

And then you write.
Write as if tomorrow didn't exist.
As if today was your last wish
And was as sinful
And somnolent
As a flight of Ravens
Murdering Crows.

Feathers
Always
Fall
Too
Quickly.
Something you can't see
that falls to deaf ears
You'll never hear her screams
or see her clear tears

Every night she wishes
for the same bohemian things
Beauty, Love and Truth
in a melancholic rhapsody

Secrets and scars
usual occurences in her life
the moonlight and stars
Keeping her alive

She believed in silly fantasies
She reached for unattainable dreams
Her soul longs for so much more
but her heart can't settle the score

Drowning in emotional debt
due to her misplaced bets
too many things to do
the only person she wished for is you

To be able to hear her song
that had been playing all along
yet no one could hear or see
her heartbreaking scarred melody
You are having 4 AM breakfast with the girl of your dreams sitting a few meters away from you. You glance at her, intently focused on her paper, crumpling her forehead in frustration, and you realize that she is real. Real, with her stupid brown hair, and her impish smile; her eyebrows, arching up to look at you. Yes, she is not the girl of your life dreams. She is the girl that haunts the blissful world of your rest - she is the girl of your sleep dreams.
Random thoughts at 4 30 AM.
I find that I'm at War!
My enemy has ambushed me.
I wish to fight back, but I must retreat.
My opponent knows my weakness
She carries it in her hand.

My heart, my weakness, her ally.
My heart has betrayed my trust.
My heart insinuates surrender.

I place my faith in my mind.
Tho, my thoughts are susceptible
To my hearts line of thinking.
I cannot win this war.

The odds are placed against me.
As each scenario runs in my mind.
I find myself running out of time.

I'm hurt I've lost a leg to a land mine
Passion took away what I stood for.
The war was lost, she has my love.
Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again
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http://twitter.com/athomashawkins

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