can't assimilate myself
into reality
mixing and floating
making friends with these
emotional beings we call companions.
it's beautiful
succinct and scary all at once,
being allowed to exist past every sunrise,
the ability to recreate our existing into living
let me fade like gold-plated silver
while I smile as the earth beneath me curdles and becomes
hollow
like the humans that inhabit it

i’m mellow and my
hair roars and
commands
it secretly envies
pin straight hair
but ella es orgullosa
she won’t say so
i scrunch and apply
leave-ins
and butters
and serums
and locking gels
wash day is a great day
but she needs so much
every curly spring needs tending to
wash day
where i scrub my scalp and
am never surprised when i find
stray bobby pins
falling to the base of the tub..

we loop together
like ivy over broken down cars
full circle once again
we fall out
miss each other and
we sync back into
infatuation
it’s lovely
vain and
impermanent
like the planet
and us within it

man’s garden
of garbage
valueless lottery tickets and
soiled coffee cups
watered with soda and fragments of
Modelo bottle glass shards
we prop up our feet on lawn chairs
and watch it grow

she’s so ugly
oh my gosh look at her
my classmates whisper about the
girl who’s always late
i push my eyes into their
home-y sockets
all i see is black
and toned down speckled
neon blue blotches
looking like adipose tissue
mushing
keeping my sanity contained
cushioned
their voices fade out
the teacher’s does too
drowned out
black waves encapsulate
the scenery
and it’s beautiful
i flow with the tides of
the silent madness of the ocean
i peer out for more but no luck
no boats
no scrambling children by the shore
no kites
no dock.
there’s no escape

she watched toy videos
in the back of the bus
on her dads phone so she would cooperate
as he clipped multicolored sunflower
hair clips to each twist
from the beauty supply
brown skin growing brown hair
from rich roots
grabbing one by one out her bookbag
tedious and tender work
a twist around the back piece and clip
twist and clip
twist and clip
he finished and pulled back in admiration
of his work
she looked up and
looked lovely
just like her mommy
with every heart break he’d be there
every recital
every show and tell
every teacher conference
and she’ll always,
no matter how old she grows
no matter how far she lives,
be his baby girl

the noxious smell of gas from worn out
amusement park rides
the blaring sun making the group picture take longer
whines and groans and chants for iced water
misty cool mornings after the storm
the distinct smell of grandma’s car rides
the waves of nostalgia when you see graf on the walls in williamsburg
the laughter of kids on the swings while walking past parks
remembering the child you used to be,
swinging
escaping reality
knowing those children will be just as lost as you one day
looking at sand
boys legs stretching like taffy
and it’s like we never moved

6,000 islands in greece
17,508 islands in indonesia
200 islands in the maldives
yet you choose to inhabit yourself in
the chaotic paradise of
my mind

why..