the pressure to have the
perfect summer
i look at my baby hands-
as if they’ve never laid a finger
on a sponge
the Ajax and sprinkles of water
coagulating into dusty paste
against a tub
the color-
my nails of course-
glistened against the tense rays
of our obnoxious star
‘créme brûlée you say?’
was the color

my heart opened
and i cried

not a typical cry

not a cry for attention
not a cry from falling on concrete
not a cry of happiness

this was chest open crying
translucent tears plastering my face

a raw real with yourself kind of cry

tender childhood piraguas
pinchos
borinquen place
bbqs on the sidewalk
ice from the dollar store
gleaming on our necks till the
skin glows green
knee scrapes
Vicks to solve all
problems thoobies and
missing bobby pins under
rugs a neighborhood i’ve never-
yet always known, a glimpse of it and
it takes me back the cousin
always spiking my
Malta the **** that never
leaves the kitchen the smaller
cousins that lived in the park around
the block
the older cousin
that was always on
the phone with a different
boy, and kept a blanket over
the body mirror and refused to
explain why, we’d get a
shipment from our
family de la isla
mangoes
aguacates and
quenepas fly out
the box while everyone
calls dibs and i’m home.

diced yuca
cornered off
three keys to everything
coconut oil
salt n pepper
mixing them in a circular motion
like dominoes
look at the other 3 around the table
and sneer
¡ capicú !
separating diced pieces from the whole pieces
hispana blanca y la negrita bella
division of countries
mix of peoples down generaciones
en el barrios where all our
cultures are
mixed
intertwined
and diced
not exactly sure what
puerto rican is anymore

i thought giving you the world
was enough
till i looked into your eyes
and saw you were the
              sun.
i felt lost in space without you
reaching for stars
without a spacesuit,
falling hard like a
meteor.
i felt like a tiger underwater,
a shark in the desert,
i knew i wasn’t capable of being what you wanted
but you still chose me..
i never thought my heart would beat for a stranger,
i never thought i’d see the light
through the dark tunnel,
i never thought color existed through black and white.
without you is like a snail without its shell
a snake without his venom
i feel alone but
when i’m with you
you bring sun to my night
your touch makes a cold room feel
warm and your kiss makes
the angels sing

it’s like the scenery blurs itself out
when i see you
i underestimated your worth as i got
to know you
the crowds noise deafens
and beauty illuminates a room

i never knew you never had things figured out at this point as you thought you would
and it’s okay,
it’s more interesting-
the journey than the destination

bustling with life
and missteps to the electric slide in the center
food growing cold in trays kept on the folding tables on the side
bodies of people arising as bachata begins
and people disbanding because of their inability to sway their hips accordingly
i smirk as i pass the mirror in the stuffy catering hall

i am renewed
i have 3 blonde streaks in my hair
i wear an anklet and an initial necklace and
gold and silver rings
this is senior year me
i always have my toes painted
and a hairtie is always on a wrist
the new and improved Everly
she still writes however more vivid
pictures to be drawn in the minds of strangers
through the coming together of letters
strung together like beaded bracelets from the deli-
more refined its magnificent
she doesnt use her pseudonym anymore
its just- her.
brown noise and its so sweet
frizzy curls entangled in music notes that swim in the air
and its all chaotic serenity