L ike servitude to the patriarchal figure- but
not cuz he deserves it

O verlooking his faults because there’s so much more to him than his temper

V ain, he won’t love me the same if i look too ethnic

E scape ? There is none..


i’m kidding..trust me..i like it here

i cried on the bus
yes i am ashamed
you left me exposed like
a half eaten apple
oxidizing
wasting away
desire to finish me depleting exponentially
you took a bite out of me
tore my flesh with the
obnoxious crunch but scar tissue is bound to develop
you savored me in that bite
lapped up my sweet juice and left me
because there’s vermin that’ll finish me off

at least i was noticed for an instant

times of random boxes of mamitas ices poppin up on my doorstep is coming
times of jumping into a bathing suit because a sun shower is on its way and mami isn’t taking us to the community pool- is coming
times of begging my parents to work with my siblings and i and blast the AC just for the car ride going is coming
times of dripping ice cream down my forearm till it gets sticky is coming
summer is coming

will you be back in my arms by then mi cielo..

you drink cocktails on wednesday mornings
to feel the rush past your tastebuds
telling your brain
this is good- this makes me happy- give me more
i gave you my all till i had nothing left to give
now you kept my heart
got it stuffed and propped up on your desk
right next to the post it’s and the stapler you stole
propped up like a proud taxidermist
showing off the new addition to the collection
the rare one- it put up a good fight but you
you conquered
in the end.

proud trophy hunter
you
are the animal.

It’s funny how after we decide we don’t like someone, we can find reasons to support our decisions and equally the other way around. That’s what I think was happening I got further in, I had already decided I liked nay loved her and progressively began gathering and threading together a daisy chain of little observations and nuances that tied her tenderly to me.

i closed my eyes and saw
the lights flickering
the lights have been left on for too long and now
the bill’ll be high ****** and
the room hasn’t been tended to
i inhale and see an old juice spill on the ground that
has turned to a sweet syrup for the ants.

i squirm in my seat aware that this is a panic attack.
i yell in the confines of my adolescent brain that has rock posters hung up and activists signatures
some on the floor even.
the audacity.
i yell for the desire of wanting to rip my clothes off and reach nothing.
tear at my skin and pluck each hair that i grow out till i cry.
i yell because what else to do when the ocean seems to yell over you when by the shore
just trying to get away from everything but reminds you you are stuck
stuck in the confines of your earth.
deteriorating sweet earth.

my loud heartbeat
made the sound of the crashing walls
deafened
muted and delayed.
i use those words often now.

i open my eyes back up to see your radiant smile
glowing for me like the moon
when i remember its presence
it smiles back at me
and i put my head back into the car and adjust the seatbelt and put my head down into my own lap until i get carsick.
i take it for granted
the moon
i take me for granted

let me dim..

i talked to an angel
and she said i deserved this
reminded me i haven’t consulted god in ages
why was i on my knees once more..
i begged her to take me with her
her eyes glistened
non existent eyelashes batted at me as she smirked
and faded..