i talked to an angel
and she said i deserved this
reminded me i haven’t consulted god in ages
why was i on my knees once more..
i begged her to take me with her
her eyes glistened
non existent eyelashes batted at me as she smirked
and faded..

3 times meeting in person
a homeschooled kid
fell in love with me within
2 months of meeting me
all that alone time to fall in love with
1 version of me
tall blonde boy w a tinge of spanish roots
the coquí
that sung too much y me cansé

i shouldn’t have to look at old photos to
remember the bond we shared
and tape up fallen parts in this broken down love

spray painting the dirt green
cuz it’s easier on the eyes

******* in my stomach for the picture because altered me is the best me

treading everyday with a painted smile because that’s what a real lady does

saliva
  subtly
    slips through
dirt stained lips

it rots on impact
substance grows with such ferocity
like the rapid popping of water on a hot skillet

it grew uncontrollably
it   slipped and
        she’d
            slurp it              up
                           back
if she could.

love it when you call me baby
reminding me
of the time before you fell out
of love for me

where the ink dried
the spot where you couldn’t squirm between that rock and a hard place
the yellow tape and hazmat suits
and the church bells that rang and laughed at you while you stood outside
and thought about him getting married to
the one that was never going to be you

but that was only after

all the calls
and the dinners and
the slow dances in the living room
and the strolls around the park
but then came the doubts
and the arguing and the
deep seated resentment that became apparent

and it was like
she never really knew him
only a silhouette of what he used to be
should have been..

you’re beautiful yknow that..
new interest whispered in her ear
in his whip that night
he leaned in and stroked her arm
she winced back
reminiscing exactly what that felt like from the past interest
who would hold her and
promise that he wouldn’t let go
until new girl came around

she pointed to stripes on her forearm
pretty aren’t they
he stared and counted 7 long strides
his favorite number
seems like a lot but i got some more..
  mk but like why
she didn’t say that this one was for the time she first tasted
love and how it tasted sweet to the tongue
but toxic to the core
didn’t say that this was for that poem that she heard at a slam
that hit a little hard
didn’t say that this was for the day she cried until her eyes rolled back
didn’t come to mention that
this was for the day that she was hurt by the softest soul
not that this was for the day she only saw red and made a
pathway for her demons to escape
this was for today
for attempting to jump back into the dating pool
only to get flashbacks of an old interest
this was for self loathing
only saying
you wouldn’t understand
   well i got something that you can understand girl
new boy leaned in
quite flustered
she shoved him and
hopped out his dads corolla as he pulled up to her
and threw her soda on her chest
stay warm baby it’s cold outside

and pulled off
leaving her choking on old fumes and built up tears.

after the breakup
her heart worked even harder
being that it was beating alone now
no assistance
no butterflies
just involuntary body members
trying to sustain the equilibrium