scrubbing the grime from my skin,
cutting my nails with a knife,
plucking the hairs on my chin,
oh my god, this is the life.

taking care of yourself is in style
and being hygenic is fun;
shower just every once and a while,
and dry off well when you're done.

i pick big scabs from my flat ***
and brush my teeth until they're white.
daily, i eat eyeballs en masse
in hopes of improving my sight.

being hygenic is fun
and taking care of yourself is in style.
this body is your only one
so treat it gently like a crying child.

my boyfriend is a horde of rats,
and no, i'm not just lonely.
this is no delusion, Pat,
i feed him cheez-its
and he loves me.

i give him fancy clothes to wear;
he sleeps below the kitchen sink.
i give him little baths in there
when he begins to stink.

got an issue?
kiss my ***.
love is love,
and that is that.

fear, it looms
like jack the ripper.
midnight monsoon
oozes into my room -
shadows seethe and slither
like fervent snakes.
wild winds whir by abloom
in sharp, unnerving whispers,
leaving little in their wake -
fear: it takes, and takes, and takes
and rarely does it make mistakes.

i am running out
of patience and time
of money and ****
of my house naked

i am a product
of bad parenting
of good parenting
so buy me

bruh, *******! it’s useless.
i’m moving to nantucket, massachusetts.

ill pack my bags
and my ol doorags

and you better believe
I’ll bring Roofus,

formerly known
as the family pug —

smugly, he rests his ugly mug snugly on mine.
we think we’re better off on our own.

run out of misery
or it will outrun you
like usain bolt.

never join sam's club -
it is not a grocery store,
it is a cult.

if you get a girl
pregnant
it isn't your fault;

you'll understand more
when you're an adult.