Iron branded we are, because of our heart
She read me quickly - I pulled back
She carries a life - and so do I
You think you are a broken one
But you haven't stepped on broken glass
Haven't been to our hidden land

Our land fed by secrets and truth
You don't wear a halo on your head
making problems, making sense
Taking all the people from you - away!
And it is our reality, our double edged sword
People instantly look away the moment we're told.
A name, a word - means so much
This secret - opresses my insides
The secret burns my throat
Let it out - I'm close...
but never enough

You think you are a broken one
But girl, you are far.
It hurts?
Only when we can't show our weird pattern
to the world

I was okay, I was alright
Until I dared to look into these eyes
Got ****** under, got dried
got lost, got tied
They bit and clawed onto mine
Slowly but suddenly - invaded
convinced, possessed
by that great unknown
I run away from
your mind

We watched Ruby Sparks
My whole life flashing in front of my eyes
A quite unstable kind of day

Can you see me
no you can't do because you ain't him
or is it just I don't allow you to peek?

I am Calvin, I am toxic
I am Ruby, I am submissive
I am reduced to you if you don't stop me
I will feed my problems on your image
(Why am I even thinking of you right now
where does it lead?)

But back when we were one
it was the same old brick wall
I can be loved, but I never allow anyone too close
This tangle of thorns I never fully show
because they could get lost and so I would too

This is going to crash
This ****'s sure gonna crash
I don't see anything clear now
My head aches

And you might grow inside of me
even if now it seems the roses will never spring
You planted a seed
but he's a big old oak tree

I feed the monster every day
I have affection and lust for you
but can I stay?

And it's the mood of the day
Thinking of you all the time
Confused, torn between two men
Who'd have known at 13!
(The lonely, virginal girl
who sleeps with demons in her bed)
You're bitter, you're sweet
I certainly don't want you here
But oh, you creep...

You lingered today in my thoughts
Maybe I was broken, and that was all
But same old strong
same old love?

I hold on to you
wish I knew what for
(but there's a truth though)
Wish I understood and unfold
Wish I could do right
My dad's getting angry about some crap
I have a lot in my mind
Not sorry that I am

He showed me that body and mind go hand in hand
That all the tales mom told us and the church and what not
are a lie in fact
He showed me the bleach, other's lips,
that mind governs the body and not the other way around
he showed me sweet times laid in his bed
he showed me LOVE
even if he doesn't know

He keeps writing every day
Does it mean he cares?
He fills my heart
with his words
I became his immobile marble muse
His untouchable desire
That makes you long more because you cannot touch
We became shadows, corpses of what we wanted to be
Wait for me! There I go!
Wait for me! I'm almost there!
You will see my shiny new gun!
Just give me time!

Poetry, I feel you, everywhere.
But I am lazy, lately, to write.
I would never force the love we have.
Just wait for me, like no one else will do.
You are patient. You always help.

Shuffling men like one shuffles fate
Really has no type of sense
but a lot of meaning there

She's just a little lost cheater
She gets high on the thrill of the hunt
She's clueless but she conceals it good
as well as she can do

This is an ugly move
This is something not cool
This red thread around my neck
Giving me hope and anxiety and chills
Strangling me with a kiss

I am cheating on you.
Can you say you haven't been there too?
Our million emotional affairs
That dragged down what we felt
This pain...this love so close to death

Truth shines but truth is schizophrenic and elusive like me
I just see omens coming clean, my helplessness cleaning up the mess

And I want none of them.
I could love them - I could learn
But I'd be still who I am
I'd still be myself
With all my stars and all of my hell.
So I would rather learn
the routes of my maps and pathways

Watch the city breathe heavily,
she's excited, yearns to live
I can feel it in the faces of those
around me, and also
in this intense craving I've got
the Christmas chiaroscuro,
these lights beaming in the dark
because today everything is warm
There is a beauty about today
Channeled through my guts

I am about to burst
in gleam and shine
and a certain burning desire
And everyone is under the same sign
or is it me, letting out my inner stars?

Feel your lips on my neck,
a tiny taste of our hidden heaven
**** on your Oreo milkshake
good metaphor for the day

And you do help to feel the beam
but the beam is growing everywhere!
inside of myself

Watch me going to sleep
in the embrace of your kiss
in the embrace of the eternal
Christmas glee, our will to be
despite the tragedy we're in

Mariana, how are you?
I left you at 13 and now I come back
Mariana, you died because I killed you
but it wasn't me, but the pain I was put through

Mariana let me kiss you
And tell you things are going to be okay
You committed the mistake
to hide instead of burning the bridge
with desire to fly from this ******* grey thing

Mariana, you burnt your skirt and danced
and I died instead
Now you take the wheel
and it's for keeps
it's for dreams
Mariana hello there
Mariana goodbye
Mariana stay

He opened my eyes
making me see the sewers of my own heart
He did nothing, I did it all
Artiom's spell made me see my faults
And I see, my own deep ****
My loose ends, my yearning to feel!
He did nothing, I did it all
Artiom's appearance - like a mirror to my soul
It's just a bell ringing - from the meaning of the world
It's just a reminder - be careful, watchful with the road
It's Artiom's presence
not himself, just a token from above
And I rise from the floor
And I can feel it flow
But I know this is not what I'm made for
It's just the message
sent tonight by the gods
Artiom - just six letters sounding good
Nothing more!

Life had began to flow, and you got used to
But here's the basal, hidden you, the source of your demons
Here's the knot, here's the doubt
Remember you were born in hell - but you left the place
And now home is your man's arms,
all the sweetness inside.
Home is where the heart is, even if it hurts.

We are there
We kiss, we touch, we ****
there's nothing going on with us
this love keeps us going
but it's not enough
but we are motion frozen
frozen in sweet words
there's something
going in our backs
that we know of
even if we don't speak about it
But we'll rub till it bleeds.

Bitter symphony of love gone wrong
of dreams held so long
that started to wither and we acted like
we didn't know

I have been feeling it for months,
all my anxiety and all my deep, unconfessable songs.
My vices of the heart.
That prop me always up.

Something's rotting with us
with you
with me
What are we going to do to save this?

No more chasing each other through telegram
No more quick meetings like we were each other's drug
No more hickeys to hide from Dad
Now it's all painful in a way
it's all dead in a way
maybe it's me dying
with the relationship instead

I was there for a few months.
I saw a light coming on.
But now I don't see us, no.

What are we going to do with this?
This avalanche of feelings and thoughts
it will surely leave a mark
oh no!

Is this insecurity?
I tell this friend of mine
We are unfolding the papers
the tight papers of my mind

(I am afraid of the paper now
it brought me once so much pain.
Was I in pain before
or was it brought by the page?)

Is this insecurity
seeking you with a muddy mind
tangling everything I find
taking the happiness from my bite
Misreading cues
and making it all look foul

What is this
No good
There's nothing I can do
But wait and see
It will show
if I was right
or sadly wrong

But it does lie in me
I gotta pull it out
Learn to live with it
"It had never bothered me
till now"

I went with the insecurity
and the fear hand in hand
until I crashed
everything was upside down
I just ****** up

Only if you are mine
the way I am
because I fell too deep
this I do feel
but this is love gone wrong
this is blackness, this is not me
but a shard
of the broken parts

I starved
hard trying to be someone you are not
but sometimes you just can't stop

The year I disfigured myself
to not forget I was in a deaf kind of pain
misunderstood everywhere
a sickly work of art I became
didn't die but of course I did implode

I starved for months
watching myself be destroyed
**** for the soul, going way too far
and yet I could see a dim light...

Getting thinner and thinner
and knowing it's mad but
no one seems to be hearing
I guess
Just one of my weird antics
of the way I once used to be

***** hair - but I am not there
Crying in the kitchen - I need help
Alternate universe - dissociate
what's this - it tears at me,
can't be tamed, it won't fade

A shy razor on my arm
I can't do this; because it hurts
but I need the world to blow up
because into this catatonia
I could burst

I cannot feel my body - or my soul
it's all gone - I drown, in my thoughts,
I have no kind of control
I can't listen, I can't talk. The pain is everywhere.
I froze. I move nervously, restless, but I won't rest
because now, it's all the same
because I can't stop
oh God what's wrong?!
I can't take it anymore!
let me catch my breath, I sigh,
I will make it alright,
by ******* the venom in the wound
I still can't stop! I can't take it anymore!
I fell, once again!

Let me catch my breath, and I did.
A gate opens, lets go all of this.
And your honey kiss is placed
where I left it before the storm
raged in me, this devil switch,
this unexplainable thing

I am getting ready so the storm
never breaks what I love most

Why you have to act like that
Oh it hurts much!
You don't see what I see through my eyes
Because you are blind to us
You paint it black, you bring me down

You feed my fears - you make me sick
Mom don't lend me your eyes today
I need my own mind
to save myself

(And there's the tingling in my legs
which is my most sacred secret)

It's always the same reaction on
But we are in love, like it or not
There are more things than what you can conceive
I am bigger than this, your mind is caged up

Let me be abused this time
Let me be his ****
Let me keep on riding
I am looking at the sun
And the moon, and oh, the stars

I can't see the Sun as clear, yet it shines
I feel left alone, yet I'm not
I can't see what I love in my face, yet it is there
I can't touch what I want (you my heart)
yet it didn't die...

Keep casting spells on the walls of the jail with songs
Keep waiting for better days to come
Yet, nothing is wrong, just cloudy weather
but no storms

Carry on with this little burden of mine
That I will carry on for you
to relieve you from the weight
I know you love me, but you are away
Like the Sun on a rainy day
It might be mock darkness,
but it freezes all the same
I know you love me
,though, so I endure
the winter while I wait

I shut myself
Because it all hurted
too much
did I make it ache?
I have no clue yet

I felt us die
so I grabbed the knife
Before it harms me
I'll harm it myself

So many thoughts that poison
and I can't turn them off
they promise to save me from this
but all they do is making me bleed
always the same with ******* saviors

Laugh, laugh, laugh.
The only point of this tragedy
is to be laughing at it

One day you are up
next day you're down
no point in crying about it
just laugh on!
with wonder
with acceptance
because this life
is an endless, sometimes sick
joke

laugh
till tears come out of your eyes
till you overwrite
your pain with a smile
and the sad grin is there
but that's another reason to laugh!
the irony of being alive

laugh
because about tomorrow
no one knows much
I might be high
I might be not

I am hooked on you
merely hooked
not in love
and not desiring anymore

I have to learn to handle
so you don't destroy me
and I don't destroy you either
I've already been here

The mind is such a liar
the heart it entangles much
this emptiness
sure doesn't help

You came in a given matrix
but you can't turn to be the matrix itself
(You never were, and thus is how big things are made)
The matrix is bigger than you
and much bigger than me

This stylization is not stylish at all
This standby of the soul
this going deeper to the seams
which burst and scream
but I can feel

Give me more questions
give me more ecstasy
give me this holy break
give me the sacred visions

late nights at your job
******* ****
on my polka dot dress
(we both loved it so)
taking photographs of graffiti
on these proletarian walls
our first pizza and some of our first kisses
you look so **** on camera
and even sexier now dear
I wish I could ******* here
your shy hand on mine
a rising sun, a rising sun
all of this takes me somewhere
and I know this was the right way

Did writing save or **** Virginia Woolf?
Me and my classmate are discussing today.
Oh, a bit of both.
I don't talk out of some theory - I talk because I know.

Because we come to be something
when we write
and we reformulate, magic of the mind
"Writing is contrary to life"
yet writing in every place lies
Writing is salvation
but do it the right way, find the path

Writing does you in
while floating in the flood you keep

Virgins, *****.
Same broken hearts.
Swimming in oceans of doubt.
Life has a toll.
Live it full, including the wounds,
the rush of blood

We are living off our parents.
These ******* up there are to blame
Uncertainty all over the place.
Perpetual children - but below the waist
Lies the real crux of it
We crave the sea
We have the waves, the flames

Our life is shiny like a new razor
Who is going to stop us?
We'll seize the sky
We'll **** a lot, let him take my heart
Drunk demi adolescents in a night bus
We carry risk in each step we take
But we have no time for death

You can't spare us from the danger
Because life is a gamble.
And we have to stitch our souls
We are eternal, and we are now.
There are strings of fate uniting us all.

Made of plush, steel, waste and skin.
Bleeding profusely.
Made of pills, wonder and people like me.

And I'd lie
if I said I'm not afraid
Everything spins, crazy clocks
How will I jump? I will tell
All arrows pointing at my head
I risk nothing thinking of the gutter
"Anyway that's how everything ends"
The gutter never let me down
It only stopped my growth
And I am thrilled, and I am terrified
of what's coming to my side
You are on my mind
I just need things to unfold fast
Or just right...
I am at a crossroads, again
Can you take my hand?

(Afraid because I can feel death
Blowing on my neck
The end, the end
Maybe it's a mistake
And I'm saved)

Know the enemy
it's you, it's them
It's a fakeness
You can't shake
It's a lack of space
It's being okay
while chronically tired
Tense

He is you
You are him
All of you - concocted here
At least your eyes are pretty

Let's erase all the pseudopoetry
let's stay within reality
(which is true poetry)

Know the enemy
How to defy him?
SO MUCH PAIN!!
Can pills or tea take it away -

I am so spineless
You really cannot take my word
that I will or I won't
I don't understand myself
why I behave this way
Unable to say
I'm a riddle, painful and puzzling

Everything I said I knew I wouldn't - I did
Life carried me - like a devil?
It all began like a game
don't know how to break the spell
we threw to each other
I was powerless, swept
But I kept saying, "yes"

Yes, yes, yes!
The word comes to my lips
Because I love you to debris
I must do something, stop this wheel
Before you and I
are crushed beneath

This is an open heart surgery
It hurts!
But it must be done
To carry on

You visit me like an omen from the past
If you knew me now, maybe it could last
I can feel my body tense and tight
like that old night, like that old good night

How you broke my heart - you are the point
where it all starts
Now that I am slave to a fickle rhythm
Thomas, if I catch you now, ai se eu te pego, man
Let me show you what I learnt so far!

I am not the same girl - scared and so in love
Now I am free and I roam till I get lost
I felt the force, this time it could work
I felt my breath as shook as it was back then.
If I could step in time and catch back my strength!
A dream to keep breathing, a dream to go on.

This might be a new round
for us
I never thought
I would end up
here
The irony in these facts
But now I'm queen of hearts
Now I'm the keyholder and you all are just trying to catch
Now I am the wife
I am her, my name is Kate
You are him, don't hurt too many in the way!
Hurt me not
I'm nothing but a pawn
because I'm not that strong
no matter the diamonds
on my crown

It's not a matter of holding crowns
but holding hearts...

Free yourself of that fire that's burning you; with water not from me.
Let it soothe you; get rid of the itch.
Let it ride high, your desire
To know I can only touch
With my fingertips I grasp
The ocean lying deep

Unbound, free
Wandering the world - no restraints for me
in form of anxiety, fear, coerciOn or desperation
Totally freedom of action
and desire
I desire what I like, so I do what I like
I wander in stranger's beds at night...
I live in chaos, but the chaos loves me back
No explanations to give, no *****

Unbound, free
Like a butterfly in spring
In darker shades tHan she
But still roaring, wild and mean!
No pressures outside or inside me,
the compass is crazy but it is well fixed
Rather tan my own feasts and fears
And the clock ticks away and I don't care
And the night speaks on my ears pagan poetry
for me to put down in writing

Bold! Gone! Lustful! ****! Undone!
And it will end I know
This sweet vacation from the toil of the soul
where it doesn't belong

So many things happen in a week
when you're not at all asleep
You've broke my heart! So I ditch
Unbound, less of a girl I be
a woman just tasting life's flavors sweet.
Bold! Gone! Lustful! ****! Undone!

Angela and Lester
thought it was crazy, stupid, true love
spoiler: it was not

It was grabbing hold
of anything at hand
It was desperation
it was life stuck

In a parallel world
Lester isn't dead
and Angela is not under his embrace
not anymore, she's outgrown

Angela built a life with another man
And Lester and her still do chat,
they crafted something across time
it's not love, it's not lust
it's a weird connection that survives
we met when we were lonely souls
and now we're way less lost

I might survive, or at least not fall apart
No fainting and no tears
I might pass this stage and still be alive
This time I didn't cry, I didn't shout
but ah, my breathe...
I could barely breathe, still.

Even if I have different skins for different times
The reason why I die and I survive
I will never forgive you
Another wound you inflicted
You think you're right
but you're the one that remains unloved
I know your ways
better than anyone else does
it's another stone to count
for the times you hurt

I'm not really surprised about this
I always knew

I know the heaven of those who die for love
vicariously, although sometimes I just know
I want to be there
Sad place to be in, but pretty in a way
To die at the hands of something you long for

The heaven of those who die for love
in my thoughts
A place to die, to give up
Don't expect me there

The heaven of those who die for love
is held too high
Because the light never leads astray
If you can only salvage love with death
run away

The heaven of those who die for love
is it real? is it wrong?
Love has that hue, I know it's true
To feel all sold and tied to one - all for you
But real love - makes you bloom
These blackened flowers sprinkled with tears
do not!
They wither
like me

Do not hold dearly to the loss of blood
love the blood though

I am a late bloomer
So try to understand me
Don't condescend: I am fully grown
but there's a reason for my being slow

I drowned my head below the water
And I lost touch with the surface
Getting away from reality? Nah, I was having nightmares
I was clinging to my own ruins, my own distorted answers
I slept for years, I closed the window of my dreams
Said, "I'll obey, I will stop being"
Said nothing, I could not speak

And I find myself at 26
living so quick
-but life has no notion of this,
life simply is-
don't blame me,
I used to be in a coma
deep anguishing godful nights
I did wrong trying to do right

I am a late bloomer
but I was too big to bloom in the spring
Was I a too majestic flower to be
(I don't think so, unless majestic
equals weird)
Was I simply crumbling from stiff
Was I simply a woman, with the mind of a kid?

I am a late bloomer
but who gives a ****
not me, I am too busy
doing all I did not
doing all I never thought

[I am not afraid anymore.
Well, I am, a lot, but...]

Tonight I say goodbye
Tonight - I die
I celebrate being sky high
Being the schizotypal queen
Having it all in my deranged way to be

Tonight I am not going back
to hell
but tomorrow
I'll be dead
Listen to the symbols
surrounding your head
Tomorrow will be a different day
I won't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends
Drown me, quench me in hell!
And just lemme stay.

I don't understand the union between
mind and body
spirit and matter
but i became closer to it
the time you did that to me
I don't understand the heart
it is a strange machine to put to work
but the most natural of them all

I want all of you with me
but there's a wound in me
I need to get healed
and it was your fingertips
the meds
not his

my cheap thrill
got asleep in his arms
while reminiscing about you
he's not scary now
you never were
it was me
now i'm between two waters
and you call me like the sea
two ways to roar
two ways to live
but the same scheme
over and over again
But in the end
it's you

I know heaven
because I dared to touch
the ground
My truths are warped
but they are my own

I like the Hangman so
because he sums everything I know

I know light
because I drowned
in the dark

The days I was lost
were key
to finding myself

And I know health is a lie
and I know illness so right
and I know right and wrong
lie so close and it feels so nice

I know what I know
and I do what I can with it
I tried not hard to grasp
it simply came along my path

Words can't contain a world
Ironic fact that I wrote
Words are nothing but a road
leading to the higher

Words are not the thing itself
The thing itself needs nothing else

The cancer is not fully extirpated
It died inside my body instead
I watch it like a dead corpse
but indeed, once a time it was

I still breathe it...I can feel it
it is gone but forever kept
Not with nostalgia or regret
Just like one watches something dead

What is God's plan now -
how are things going to turn out
Some cleansing, after all

Psychosis is the cleanser of the soul
But I don't feel I've been unclean
I am in fate's hands, I've always been
Go deeper, till I find me
Sweat this fever, if such thing
(Take it easy, never entangle this)

Fill your nothingness inside
with a lot of hearts, a lot of lives
lose your mind
run naked in an open street
before death

Let your hair down
even if you are bald
Live your life to the fullest
even when you're gonna die
Make a journal with experiences
under the sun
under the dark

Wait for your shiny new gun to come
I hope it arrives on time
and it still works fine
My shiny new gun
I will **** them all, too

In art I found
my pain had a place in the world
and that way, it dissappeared,
it got blown
it got healed, even if slow

Art is not life
And life is not art
but hear me out

every true heart beat
and every fake one too
it's art you leave there
is it any good?

My heart is on fire - that I do love
but when my *****'s on fire, I love it more
This is what I craved to be - your ****
This is my wish - what I need, a long repressed
"set me free" all over me

This is me - short skirt,
and begging for (your) ****
My fantasies breed - you're the man I pick
I am not sorry about my moans
and all of my wet thoughts
I am not sorry about none, I am not sorry
for love

It was thrilling
You were my heart's true desire
All I needed to come alive
But you crushed it
Mercilessly
And I ate the crumbled cake
and got high on it
It saved my life
It was sweet nonetheless

And I flew to a different destination
And you lost my year long devotion
But you know, nothing ever dies
Not even you and I
I have to learn to live with this
Resisting desire,
the aftermath of what once was
But nothing ever dissappears
If you dare to dig
The key - to a happy or unhappy fate
Everything I live, I lived it back then
(and I'm ****** to this!)

Life is this carousel that never stops
for anyone, so hold your breath
and watch the splendid beauty
of this ever spinning thing, its oscillations, its thrills
Exes, lovers, up, down, below, above
Friends and more, family - bound
Fears, hopes, love, intuition, life caught
on a single momento

The carousel might make you dizzy
then take a seat, regain yourself
and keep spinning, do it slowly this time

Are you taking the right path? Should you step aside?
Keep walking! You won't be lost
there's always someone
at the other side of the door
when you call out for help
someone's there

My wound starts bleeding at 10
The ecstasy, the pain
A dramatic withdrawal
leaving side effects everywhere
You left a hole in me
You are no good to me
But it is so intense I cannot think

When you come close to me
it's intoxicating
if you catch me off my guard
I get lost

do you remember emotional ******?
do you remember me obsessed
do you remember us?
the girl like a rose in a vase

And when you come close it feels odd
because you've never been here
it is a brutal inversion of the order of things
It feels like going too deep, into the spiral of being
You and I - we will never be
but ah, the shadow of what could and never is...

It is something big that makes me smile
but it's a speed i am not used to drive
it feels like coming to a home lost time ago
so much it is not your home anymore

Untidy pestilent mind after all this
I went too far, digging with words into me
Trauma crystalizing, too much I've lived

Waves come and go
But you are not the waves themselves
More words pouring from God's mouth
In the shape of my friends

Paranoid thinking all over the place
I can't perceive its true face
It hides, it eludes recognition
It creeps into my heart
It's all black, no white
It's the devil in disguise

One day up, two down
Two days high, one so low
My mood shifts as paranoia seizes me
Feeling my guts do the old shrinking
My mood shifts and so does the suffering
Tears and wide smiles
I see the Sun, I see it drown
I see it clear, I see it not

The hunger breaks
takes what it's hers
fills with desire
and now creates regret
I need his touch
(only thing in the world,
if stripped from anything else)

Hunger repressed but looming there
it makes no common or uncommon sense
the guilt lashes out at me
still I sigh and wish
but ah! the Emperor stings
with his plan stiff
but he's gone, he's kicked
he's put to rest for better things

Now I see it clear - through the smoke and laughter
Now I see it clear - what I did for years

I fell in love with you, with your image in the mirror
I was on drugs, drugs of desperate connection

So I liked you, I tried to like you with my heart
Put myself under ties when under the effect of your drugs
To restrain myself from myself - I feared too much
So I liked you, but your rites I could not abide
You were never made of the same matter as I
The requests I could not fill, the requests were not for me
Sounds bleak but...

(Get away from this, you don't belong here, you never did.
Ah, the black and white scheme! Not ever real)

Through the excitement and the stir
There's something else to see...

Because you read my fears,
you see who I am through the cracks and scars
maybe even though I worn a mask
You saw me when I was an embryo,
a sick, sick embryo...

Braille to you
You read me softly when I can't do
Because I'm not you, but I am a part of you.

Something's rotten in my soul
I can hear it silently roar
It makes me idle,
It makes me mute, it makes me numb

Writing a poem - like accomplishing a duty
I need the unload, the freeing
There is a bad soul, within my body
I want to kick this affair,
Get real - I got used to smiling

I am swimming in oblivion
and
I try to find the words
but everything flees and so does my heart

Who decides what is good?
I cannot make up my mind anymore
I've already misunderstood
the whole scheme laid out for us

There is something inside
that you just can't ****
it's the eternal
the chtonic
the real thing
it sleeps for years
next century it lives

You can't stop thinking
what about getting high
on life's drugs

It's nightmares
and dreams
it doesn't hide from you
so why did you do?
Can't speak anymore
yet my mouth dies to!
Sometimes I am too paralyzed
by pleasure
and the rest of the time
I am paralyzed by the afterthought

Just don't let it go
Let it get gone

I am so glad, so many reasons to smile
yet something rots inside
why, oh why?

I hope this poem dies
I hope this poem is a lie
I hope this never comes true
I hope this poem dies

Am I under
the breath of death?
At it, at it again

Leave me a sweet taste in my mouth
Turning sour, bitter afterwards
Make me feel sure and at home
Then the big hitting - or none at all
Comes!
And that's how it comes - unseen, undone
And next thing - he's gone

I had higher, higher expectations for you
I broke what we had...
We need a resolution - what shall we find?
The runaway, you try to settle down...

Are we another story to be told
To strangers and not us?
Something that passed, nothing more than the shadow of a scar
A mark more in the gun.

She's stuck on a man
I could be her
that's why I sing
all of her torture and her pain

She fell in love with him
in an inner spring
He's a habit hard learnt
she just can't leave
Comfort in the shape of a kiss
A kind of deep hit
She's so used to him
So many beds she's known
but none of them overcomes
what she's felt in his arms
And he binds her hands and thoughts!

"This is a dysfunction",
she knows too well
She's rotting away slowly
while he never cared for her
He wanted her body
She harboured the world instead
Which was his body...and his eyes
and his glasses
and his beard
and his lips
and his voice
that will **** her in the end
Self destruction at the hands of a man
Oldest tale

It's bitter to taste
after all the sweet syrup
she fed herself via his hands
why he has snatched the bottle
nothing in return because
it was hers all the time!
I was not made of ashes, I was made of fire
How to recall the ****** rhyme?

Her therapist says she's stuck
oh she's locked
locked on a ******* ****
got stung on her heart!

Her ****** focus
the death of her
small death in the bed
death of all she could have been

Is the spring waning again?
Am I to cherish this as a *******?
I burnt well without him
Why can't he accept his place within me
Why he resists death
like the little imp he is

Am I to be locked
in his ****
the same way my fella
does now?

We bought a dream
at the candy store
-custom made-
It had our names
a promise of what could be...
We wanted to believe. We did.

we wanted to belong
we wanted it to work
we are so pathetic
we need to ******* stop

Candy coated is our kiss
but what lies underneath...
it's nothingness, it's the steamy core
to the bliss what you miss!
(I miss it too, indeed)
It's not surprising you did
what you did
our kiss lacks fundamental things
You rush to other chicks
I rush to him

But what do we do, what do I do?
With all this sweetness towards you
it doesn't turn me on, but I do love
your pretty face...the way you walk

If my mind was sane, and so were my heart
You would be the one, you would be the one
But we're all mad here - you know, right?

I don't want you the way I should
and you neither do
so what we are here for?
virginal marriage,
satisfying our parents dreams?
that's what is wrong with this!
Our dream is empty
like rotting candy
Substanceless like careless romance
Tasteless like bland songs
Blood injected with desires
of a life looking good, but no juice!

But it always was
it has to die quick
it has to be ripped off.
What are you here for?