I am the absent mother waiting in your living room
Away for long, I pop after being so gone
Battling on her own
I fought dragons in my brain and wandered around
I needed this time off
to pick up my pieces from the floor
(And I might go back anytime if I'm not careful enough!)

I am the absent mother - no one quite understands
I danced with souls and recovered my name
But this was my fate
I am the absent mother - I can't ask for love
Although something pushes me forward to
I've been places, you cannot even imagine

And we've developed from each other far
You can't come and claim love like a tax!
But biology is a bind - the biology of the times we spent together in the dark
How we fed each other when no one was
No matter how different, distant, we are.

And now I ring your bell coming home
And now you're surprised and a bit shocked
Glad, but still froze
Because I am the absent mother, the absent one
Because she couldn't live with a head - with wounds - now scars

You are back
with a bag full of promises and things
My heart crunched
and i said, "nothing's wrong with this"
Reconcile shock, love, and bad memories
Reconcile who I was with who I be
But, oh you...

The spiral of life
I see in front of my eyes
Coming back and never ever going back
How to tell you where I was?
How to tell you about the black
dark
night
that covers and heals the soul
How to tell about blinding lies

That the danger of my past
might be knocking my door more than once
How to seal that door

Every Saturday and holiday I spend here
seems to reanimate my fears
what are we, what are we?
Are we?

Would things be better
if it didn't exist
that it

Every Saturday makes me wonder
where is he
without me
echos of mom's voice resonate within
making me feel weak
is there a lack of commitment
he's sweet, sweet, quintessential delight for me
but he leaves me missing in the phone
feeling slightly like my heart broke
what is missing in our pic
what is wrong with us
is there anythin' I cannot see

I've been kicked out from my nest
It's been years of delay
While they were clothed and fed
I was fed up instead
But I don't despair
I merely hold their hands
His hands
My hands.

I've been kicked from the nest
But I'll build my own way

This house is no longer mine
My heart doesn't live here
My heart belongs in the streets...
And we are walking away from this

I've been kicked out from my nest
But I can do this well
And the gold will shine
But the Sun'll make us thrive
Who needs bills
having liberty and feet?
To fly, to just be.

So many memories
of sharing pain and joy
Memories
that you shrugged off
but...

You're back after a long time
what a glee when I saw your name again!
Carefully caressing each other's wounds
in the cold cozyness of lonely rooms
Discussing everything
My little cheap psychologist

You're back and we still at that
Living in a maze, talking about affairs
Our lives they carry on, they never stop
I'm glad you're back to watch them flow
with me
To swim in an ocean of passion, trouble, love.

You're back and it's joy for the heart
Dear friend, get a seat.
Let's begin, how has it been? How it was?

Ghostly appearance that feels so real!
You're back, dear.

Are you unworthy too
of tears
Do you make them pour
like he did

Not in the same way,
but still a lot of pain
I can see things happening.
I can do that drawing.

This **** got crafted a dark weekend
With stomach cramps and lots of sleeping
to hide from facts

You love me, you love me, you love me.
Or so you say. I have to believe you. No matter how hard is it. Is it?
Sometimes it's not me speaking
But the beast hidden in my chest
Looking around for you
to feed herself
satiate her never ending thirst
breeding more thirst
maybe breeding more pain

A year since I first tasted life
No more filters or ghost kissers for me
A year since my body and soul were set on fire
In a long weekend's puddle, it came
It's my secret birthday
of love and pain
It all began with my glitter slippers in my feet
I walk the path of spring...
and its sunshowers
its storms
its weather...crazy

Thomas, go **** your self.
But you were the first.
I cannot forget.
Unworthy beginning.
A year since.

The ugly beast, that *****
takes the spoons, makes them knives
to hurt both of us in the heart
That ugly *****, paranoid diagnosed
Makes me look for things which ain't
Pushing things further and further again
A delusional voice in my head
A fear corroding my veins
A pain that never fully leaves.

(The ugly beast, that *****
makes **** out of me
Is she my guardian angel or is she a diverting devil
trying to make my life hell and not be able
to live, to enjoy what I have?
Is she heaven sent? She can be hell-bent!)

The ugly beast
turns gold to ****
All she needs to hear and feel is LOVE
but oh no! Wait that's me
The beast merely drives to the darkest pit.

Amy you could not sleep
when heartbroken by Blake
You dreaded sleep, because of him
All I do is to hide between the sheets instead
to forget this pain in my chest
"To sleep, perchance to dream"
To sleep, be suspended still
And wake up to find
He's still missing, he ain't still here.

Did I have to seal a pact
Did I have to put a barrier
a filter
to touch the sky

What is true? What is a lie?
I need you by my side
But my mind always drives me mad
I try to find answers
but the compass is broken

I see death, I see hate
poisoning me
I poison myself
so easily

Layers of the brain
different filters to look through
You walked this path with me
Eternally I thank you
But am I strong enough to?

But this morning I was unwell.
Bad feeling in my guts, in myself.
Strange metaphors for strange sensations
Layers of the mind in integration
sometimes
Erasing the bad
It happens - sometimes

I saw her mouth open and close
And I heard nothing but my internal void
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you
I miss myself! Too.

Yesterday it was a nice day - at least there was love, clarity
Today is hell - no love, no clarity

Now that without being side by side we sail - alone
With so much love around
We aren't bound
to the crystal sweet jail of our love
That we can't touch, we can't fully grasp
but that never stopped us

Now but always bound in time
Through heaven, hell and in between
A link no one gets right
but we...

Now we are always together
each one in their world - family, lovers
but I don't think we'll forget
what we used to have.

And I'm not speaking ***, the photographs I took
I'm not speaking lust, even when it was true.
I'm speaking the thin line
between 2 ghosts in each other's life
I'm speaking "Spanish kissses"
with a limit never clearly drawn
unmade love
a ghost, a sweet ghost so real to us.

Poetry is not life
Poetry is the suicidal plank
we hold on to
Poetry is life
how could it not be that?
Poetry is crippled ones
with metal legs dancing around
Poetry is the meaning
of our lives
Poetry is false, poetry is true
Poetry is death - poetry is life.

I know how to quickly dissolve
in literary forms
But you must beware, be aware, because...
He didn't **** you - you don't know what really hurts
Life is wider than all of these thoughts

I'd rather have Lil' Kim than McKinnon
I'd rather feel ***** and filthy
That we women are still shamed
for feeling, behaving this way!

Not all men are enemies - you are a Iago, poisonous snake
whispering noisily on our ears
But I'm over it because with LOVE I am filled.

And this is the crux of it:
you can **** yourself. You can ****.
You can drive to your ruin. Who's to blame?
Not you, but not him.

I have a man. He's the one.
He's got me. I am his, whole.
Shame me for feeling in love!
Shut up, you fake feminist.
Stop your spell, your undersexed kiss.

Love and **** - then we'll talk

I am ***** a thousand times
but not in the ways you describe
I am ***** by men calling me a ****.
I am ***** by a system that doesn't understand.
I am ***** by women like you - ****** my brains

Girls keep blowing! they'll keep touching you ****
Men don't deceive us - we will not answer to this

I want to be your star
Despite the ******* hole in my heart
I want to be your star
so I can benefit from that
I tried to leave the ward
But the ward holds me close at times
You will leave, you will leave
because you cannot handle me
I cannot handle myself!

Can you see above
our names written like I do
Can you see the lines intersecting - I do
Can you see us in the same ship
Are we? Are we?
What am I to you?

God knows I don't want to marry you
But I do want you

The sight of someone else
destroys me whole inside
The sight of you not envisioning what I see
makes me feel weak

And I put away everything for you
Do you see what I see?

I was sick today
you were sick too
Sick us two

But lying in your arms while sick
is pure pleasure to me
instant healing
or at least instant relief

Do you love me the way I love you?
First it was good because it was ******* breathing
******* true
The pain, the pain in me
I do  not know why I get so sick
To know I wish

But have no doubt inside that I love you way too much.

I stayed looking at them eyes, fixed on him
wondering about you
understanding the world
spinning around
Mother married a fascist I call father
And I'm the uncomfortable offspring there

And him, oh him
He was a reflection of you
A sad, painful, lively reflection
He reminded me of you. But he's no you.

Eyes openclosed tonight.

I am in a debris state
My feet got tired of running (away)...

I tried to be
but got lost in the jungle of me

And they had lives where I had a coffin
And life is wider than rules and regulations
Life is wider than They thought
And they got drunk and ****** and lived
while I stayed locked up in my fears
While the ghosts chased me non-stop
The only high I know is benzodiacepines'
Am I to be sorry for that?

I saw tonight
Chests wide open
Waiting for me to grab 'em
Like fruits juicy and inviting
Electricity flowing

Beds of hair
lying on those chests
My pants are quiet
But my mind is already shaking
I could feel it in my bones
And then i got dizzy and cold
Lost myself, lost ourselves
(A lower, non upgraded version of me
All the **** I used to be, trapped in non-me
The one I was before all this)
Suddenly I broke down
Into the cheeks of my forbidden? lust
I saw tonight life
Opening its lids in front of my eyes
but I also saw
all the toxic fumes i used to have

I am getting away from death
But death is faster than I thought
I don't wanna be lost
Not again, not more
God don't let me die
Drown in a pool of lies
Drown in my own piece of inherited land
I wanna see the light
shine so bright

[And live in soiled beds
And never pay attention to what they say]
Björk will save my soul
Surely selling my soul will do not

Do I want to be with you?
Bunch of faces that I die for
I am the daughter of a strange race
Struggling hard to find my place

So uncomfortable, yet so wanted
All the things today I felt...

Poetry of the subway
Struggling to find a path
The dark, cozy path
Leading to the heart.

Oh baby I love you much
Oh baby you love me back
But yesterday
I snapped

I am Carl Sagan - cannot hide my love for your stars
You are a wizard - keeping our magic inside, bottled up

I felt like crying in the street
Over the songs you used to send to me
You make me shut my mouth about us
I am Carl Sagan - a mouth I open too much
I am like a child, cannot hide my smile

*You are growing up, you are growing up
Don't let anyone make you steer from the direction you really want
Where you heading to? The stars, named after us

So much excitement, so much ado about something
which of course it is not everything

I was thinking of forbidden flowers to grow
Now I'm back at my garden
My exotic garden of my own
My mind, my mind in a fog
today
that accounts for everything I guess

If only I could be in my garden
with you...!
everything meaningless
and so meaningful
at the same time

I've got a reflex inside of me
it snaps and stings
it's hurtful and it burns
Fire pushing fire
Made of anger and desire.

The first time I felt its call
I wasn't aware at all;
Cover the tracks of your lover
with another one
Topsy turvy thoughts, twisting you up and down
That rushing into someone's arms
in a state you cannot discern
But the river dried
when you turn off the light

Loneliness pushes me
prompts me in solitary, kissed dreams.
When you turn your back on me,
I turn to my instincts.
I creep under men's shirts. I stare into their chests.
Grab 'em.
(Was this learnt?
I can't forget it now
Am I real? Am I real?
Take a look below)

The second time,
I felt so attracted and needy of you
that I couldn't help but think I'd rush into anyone else
I dry my tears like this
With wild fantasies...

Any man does, anything goes
when drowning in the ocean vast
But no time for this
Because I've got your kiss

You thought that I'd be
Your angelic lover, wait for you forever
Your sexless romance
The girl you took at 16 - a girl lonely
A girl to fulfill you, a desire never fully articulated
but strong enough
to keep me sedated
and yet I was not sedated
for you brought me to life
but now things are sour
different paths in life

You could never handle
me getting rid of it
me being more than a shadow of your dreams
Farewell! Farewell maybe!
A sexless romance we handled over years
You thought I'd stay buried on chains and pills

Yet you were the first
to make me shake, make me weak
Yet you are the blueprint
A distant blueprint in time, one I had but never touched
Now I'm free, you don't wanna be with me
Now I'm walking, you'd rather I sit
Do you? Is this true?

You thought I'd remain there
that I'd stay forever
locked in your cage
sweetly caged waiting for you to speak sweetly my name
like a promise of life you never touch
but i'm busy keeping up with my own

Did writing save or **** Virginia Woolf?
Me and my classmate are discussing today.
Oh, a bit of both.
I don't talk out of some theory - I talk because I know.

Because we come to be something
when we write
and we reformulate, magic of the mind
"Writing is contrary to life"
yet writing in every place lies
Writing is salvation
but do it the right way, find the path

Writing does you in
while floating in the flood you keep

I saw the world
I understood the whole
My body raised high, higher
than my soul

In your arms, heaven on earth
Such a cliché
Such a true thing to be said

I felt an inmediate happiness
Life, violently hitting me
Go on hitting, life! I want more of this!
I felt fused, i felt so much love
I will never be able to put into words

My body shook - my body roared
Got washed with fire
Unexpected rain over me
I should be careful
I want more of this

*You took me that high babe
can you do it again?

It hurts so much to love both of you
Knowing you are the key to my lock
and my mind is diverting itself, though

I can see for miles, I can feel it all
Pain swallows me - the both of us
Are you cheating on me
Am I cheating on you
Diverted from me - I never denied a thing!
I need you so much
My mind is diverting itself, I point out

The night is pregnant with possibilities
might or not they come true
The night I avoided and drowned in you
My only meaningful night - you, you, you!

My mind is diverting itself
it's like an itch i don't want to scratch
yet it props me up

The promise of danger - in my veins!
******* torture - all over the place!

Scott, ****** torture
Singing on my computer screen
Scott, my only vice
A sweet remembrance of being a teen

In your tight clothes and dapper look
You get my attention pointing at you
You speak to me about my past, the guys I would have banged
I would kiss those lips! Take off that shirt!
Stare at you for hours
it's what I would
Would I? As a teen
I spent my days singing to guys like you
who sing songs like me
That take my anguish and make it pretty
That make me feel less alone in the world
Scott, a photograph from the past
Scott, present right now
Scott, a symbol more than a person
Awakening now with me?
Of all I was, all I am, all I will

You were a casualty of love.
Nature is cruel like that.

Began like a summer flirt,
a cheap thrill
never got further than that
although I broke your heart

Fell for your words, fell for the speed.
Sleeping in your bed, had to kiss you first.

But everytime you got closer to me
you said I couldn't come
You're hanging on to a dead dream
One that squeezes you tight
Nature is cruel like that

And now I know my place
now my soul is spilled through my throat
now my body shakes unvoluntarily in his arms
I happen to break your heart.
A few words in Whatsapp
"I let you go", you say

Nature is cruel like that.
You let me go!
But you were not the one.
I didn't choose.
It was nature, channeled through me...

Beautiful meaningless thing
Little pretty ephemeral flirt
A vacation from myself
on the ship

Hey Anne Clark
I am fine, everything's right
You came to save me when everything was ****** up
But there is a dark spirit whispering to my ear
Poisoning my chest with ugly thoughts
I want to be your all
I want to put boundaries to the blowing wind
And I really only wish good, for you and me
I forget my own sins
Are they really sins? Should I be forgiven?
Should WE be forgiven?

Life encompasses everything, and I fear
that you might be pulling away from me...
I've been cheating on you, you know?
With a guy called Scott
How to behave? What to hope for?
He keeps forgetting and I keep panicking
He appears in my screen and I shake at his thoughts
Still not you
But you are my aim, my arrow, my bow, my all

Steady and ready
I get prepared to spill the beans
I found you! Oh Thomas, I did!

Oh Thomas incubus of my 20 first poems
In my ***** blue hair and unsteady mind
between eggs and ham
I find you unexpected
that I find happily chatting with his colleagues
That ***** mole of yours, enticing me
Enticing me? I can remember how you did
That pink haired girl in your bed
that would never give head
But her body is on fire
The water starts to flow inside
That girl trapped in between
in between herself
but still loving you

Oh Thomas
How you left me these Xmas
I thought you would be my everything
my teacher, the lighthouse to me
But
We couldn't make it far
Just a kiss and a tender touch
in a hidden cocktail bar
And that's what we were
Nothing more at all
Ephemeral love brought forward true love
You are nothing but a stain
an accident (like everything else)

Thomas. Pig. Fake.

We come and we go so different a place
But we encountered once at the maze
And here we remain
A dead echo of what we once were
A little sketch of our lives for the people to stare

Our lives come together - like rivers to the ocean
but they flow in different motions
Are we the ocean anymore? I don't think so
but in a way, we are the one
we are bound in time
(You saw me breaking in parts
You saw me falling to the floor
and never mumbled a word)

We grew not apart;
there was no anger or pain in our steps
we grew not apart!; we grew up
I moved towards health from the womb of doom
Like little flowers opening its fiery jaws to the world
A world that won't eat us anymore
(although it tries REALLY hard)
Now we've got different addresses
the mail just won't arrive
the mail is not ours
exes and lovers hoard our lives
including mine!

But the arrows point to our hearts
I am not the girl I was
Lost and confused and so sure of nothing at all
A girl wandering, her mind as well as the world
Finding herself in madness
Never back on the road! Not your road
I'm here waiting for my shiny new gun
In my shiny new boots, I repaired before
I am a woman in the run
I am a woman from now on
I am a woman since his arms
We are women, and men
We walked a lot
since then

(It's something hard to touch with your hands
when you act like you had an eye on your back)
but nevertheless there
It lies in the blue of my hair
and the things I did
The way I flow, the way I move, the way I be
The way they talk, the way they think
How I carved my path in life
how they carve theirs in turn
Where do I belong
I have a slight idea now

You are my Iago
You feed on my fears
You are a snake
A snake to me
You show me the ugly side of things
when you barely understand them
Filling my mind with **** taking me nowhere

I am starting to get tired
of you whispering in my ear such crap
Take away my glee from me
I am starting to get tired
because dear life is not an app
that you can test and you can try

I am starting to get tired
of having a second father
found in you
I am starting to get tired
of your rational stuff
You fooled me once
won't fool me twice

What kind of man
are you to break
the vows of a girl
But the girl didn't make the vow to herself
so she's committed to no one else

Slowly getting close to me
on a sofa
you broke my resistance
you besieged me
That was your weapon
The closeness of your body on mine
Those shy hands out there when people watch

And I was only cheating myself
that I loved the man
But I couldn't bear the charm
of his arms
around me
So it happened
You are the vow breaker
Now I cannot answer your messages
because you can't hear me
Now I wish I could tell you
Don't know how to react to this
I had never done this ugly thing
Sinning deep on a Saturday night

What kind of man are you
to break my oaths, act like they were not?
The air was thick with desire
growing from all parts
And that desire was thicker than his love...
his love that never was

Number one is the oldest one
in my life
he brings tears to my eyes
joy to my heart
I let him go because of the pressure
in my guts

His *** makes me shake
like no one else's
but there was a catch
I could not take off my mind,
forget

Number two gives me sweet recovery love
but we cannot fill the hole
calls me pretty any time
and I smile back, I smile back
but it's not gonna happen
not ever again

Number three used me
like a kleenex
to dispose of me anytime he wanted
how naive am i
to think you can just netflix and chill
how immature of me

Number four is the last one
he loves me lots but I?
I am afraid of his reactions
because his love is so wide
He's infatuated with me
and I could feel his love over me once
But I think I ran too fast
Feelings you can't control

I am crippled with men lately
but this is life
with a gun in your hands
and a broken one between your legs

Watch a man
use you like a handkerchief
panting like a pig
not saying your name not even once
no sweet words to make it overflow
moving quickly
thinking of himself
barely interested in your soul
he will leave you
with no goodbye at all
he doesn't kiss you at the door
he wanted this from the beginning and you
fell into his arms
like a naive *****

He will call when he feels alone
All he wanted was to taste your hole
the only thing you cannot give him...now
Wait for my shiny new gun

Love in the 21st century
is not for the faint of heart
men hoard at my sides
I have to watch them go

Sell yourself,
read the signals
be strong,
learn to find in the chaos
a little bit of sweet love

Love in the 21st century
looks like a fight for the fittest
only they'll survive
the rest we are underachievers

And in the amidst of my disorders
find you standing taller
maybe as a door to open
the one who ignited me

He touched me and I overflowed
The hottest was the less expected
But he won't call me again
Because love in the 21st century
is tough, is hard, is not for everyone
How you used me, fooled me, entertained me
how long have you been planning this
Love is not enough
in the 21st century

Fill your nothingness inside
with a lot of hearts, a lot of lives
lose your mind
run naked in an open street
before death

Let your hair down
even if you are bald
Live your life to the fullest
even when you're gonna die
Make a journal with experiences
under the sun
under the dark

Wait for your shiny new gun to come
I hope it arrives on time
and it still works fine
My shiny new gun
I will **** them all, too

You've got me lovescared
Can't take the nightmare
off me
Where once I was so deeply attracted
Now it's anxiety a bit

You've got me lovescared
I am like bleach
Two hurt souls to mend each other
no good
but
My bleach smells good, like the promise of eternity
and brings all the men to my yard!
My worshippers...
the depth of your feelings for me
the cuteness of what you plant in me
Go my way, so I don't realize
what we are making
they call it love
and loving you
I can go on

I might survive, or at least not fall apart
No fainting and no tears
I might pass this stage and still be alive
This time I didn't cry, I didn't shout
but ah, my breathe...
I could barely breathe, still.

Even if I have different skins for different times
The reason why I die and I survive
I will never forgive you
Another wound you inflicted
You think you're right
but you're the one that remains unloved
I know your ways
better than anyone else does
it's another stone to count
for the times you hurt

I'm not really surprised about this
I always knew

Wait for me!
This fattened dream of desires and fears.
Wait for me to strike back
Wait for me to let my hair down
Go back to the town
with a shiny new gun
that I had all this long ago time
Wait for me to ring my bell like Anita did
it is ringing
can you feel its sting
ha! truth is it has just begun
I would run through you
if only I just could

Wait for me to be fixed
wait for me to fully get a piece
Wait for me to come back
Wait for me to fly, to reach my dreams
To reach the core of me
This fattened dream of hopes and pressure
Of hidden owners of the gates to the kingdom
Waters running free, but ***** sometimes
I cannot wash
my desire in them, refresh myself

Now stand open the doors
It's not a matter of body
it's my whole soul

He showed me that body and mind go hand in hand
That all the tales mom told us and the church and what not
are a lie in fact
He showed me the bleach, other's lips,
that mind governs the body and not the other way around
he showed me sweet times laid in his bed
he showed me LOVE
even if he doesn't know

He keeps writing every day
Does it mean he cares?
He fills my heart
with his words
I became his immobile marble muse
His untouchable desire
That makes you long more because you cannot touch
We became shadows, corpses of what we wanted to be
Wait for me! There I go!
Wait for me! I'm almost there!
You will see my shiny new gun!
Just give me time!

Feeling wet - again
It was you! Not him
Trying to seek you in him - many men
To cover, smother your lips with new water
One man right after the other
Life happens
Ran away from you
Ran away only from me

Something feels wrong - with you
Something feels worse - without you
I know I want you when you are away
Only then I know you must stay
My clarity from your deep waters
Shines bright

He gave me love, and I gave it back to him
But he's no you, he'll never be

I dance a steady, dizzy, confusing dance
between one and the other man
One I love to death, too much for me to take
My brain naturally expels all kinds of happiness
The other is more alive, so he's dead
He's not filled
like you

Everything leaves a mark upon my skin
Every arousal, every kiss
Every piece of love or not in me

Desire frozen
what a fun, ironic way to be
the waters, way too cold
so they freeze, their flowing stops

Desire bound
Would rip his clothes off
A crazy broken vessel in my brain
or what?

I ****** up again - myself
Never smothered, this fire
working with wAter even higher

Dry waters - what could be or what it is?
running inside me
paralyze me
move me to this

Would have kissed you
Like a teenage schizoid girl
In a stupor herself made
But let's not lie - I'm not the ******* same
This hunger never stops
I'm like a hungry, hungry Wolf
for love...

I am not looking for your ****
as much as I look for love
I crave skin on skin
I crave sweet sweetest things

Little boy, my big boy
He's so beautiful it hurts
but the space between us
makes us dizzy
makes him feel aimless
makes me feel stupid

And I go away
without a Kiss from your lips.
And I leave
with a taste bittersweet.
And I wonder
which are those things I feel
I wonder about my Friends
the mess, sometimes beautiful, we are in
I wonder about we pull away from
what we love the most.

[I am not afraid anymore.
Well, I am, a lot, but...]

Tonight I say goodbye
Tonight - I die
I celebrate being sky high
Being the schizotypal queen
Having it all in my deranged way to be

Tonight I am not going back
to hell
but tomorrow
I'll be dead
Listen to the symbols
surrounding your head
Tomorrow will be a different day
I won't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends
Drown me, quench me in hell!
And just lemme stay.

I wrote my final words
slowly but carefully
now the charade
now the life gone away

A ray of light
before death
I won't lie to myself
At the city I am lost
the gates of Babylon closed
words from my heart
not easily they come

I am a bodyless woman

The other bodyless women
and me
talk
We were DOA before anything begun
Our bodies, tying us down
Our bodies, the key to being unbound

It hurts so much
to see both sides
not just mine
to see him hurt at my closed gates
the frustration, pain he gets
You could have his world in your hands
the tension's heavy you could cut with a knife
But love sometimes is not enough
not enough
to defy
life's tough

And my pain, too.
Another man I'll lose.
His desire runs Deep
as deep as my anguish
The waters roar I am on I feel the tickling of love
the love below
but the wound doesn't heal so far

I got obsessed
with ***
so it got erased
The bodyless women we are
A bodyless woman I am
I've been on an exile from my own self.

The bodyless women - take my hand
Heal our minds - our body will follow
The bodyless women - being a spirit can be hurtful

Unbound, free
Wandering the world - no restraints for me
in form of anxiety, fear, coerciOn or desperation
Totally freedom of action
and desire
I desire what I like, so I do what I like
I wander in stranger's beds at night...
I live in chaos, but the chaos loves me back
No explanations to give, no *****

Unbound, free
Like a butterfly in spring
In darker shades tHan she
But still roaring, wild and mean!
No pressures outside or inside me,
the compass is crazy but it is well fixed
Rather tan my own feasts and fears
And the clock ticks away and I don't care
And the night speaks on my ears pagan poetry
for me to put down in writing

Bold! Gone! Lustful! ****! Undone!
And it will end I know
This sweet vacation from the toil of the soul
where it doesn't belong

So many things happen in a week
when you're not at all asleep
You've broke my heart! So I ditch
Unbound, less of a girl I be
a woman just tasting life's flavors sweet.
Bold! Gone! Lustful! ****! Undone!

Every now and then
a happy poem comes
From my lips, from my thoughts
Sometimes sweet for my tongue

And it's surprising - it feels odd
But it came alone, on its own
A feeling that I can fight it all
Despite the bitterness of this ******* world
A feeling of beauty in chaos
A feeling I won't give up
A feeling of calmness, peace inside
Growing in my room or in the outside
Growing in me, a sense of relief
A sense of beauty, a grasp of it

Toll the bells!
because we are not anymore
what we were
our happy funeral
with uplifting songs
and heart taking hymns
with merry chants
with sweet Deep moans
with wide smiles
with tears dropping from our eyes
as we say goodbye
as I know we'll always love each other
as we taste the last time
as the city waves goodbye
a kiss in each corner, in each subway station
a remembrance - of what bloomed these days
But my past chases me
I chase my own steps
I am the wolf of my own dreams
I sacrifice myself to stay alive
But no longer
Stunted growth has to go
as I venture into the city lights again
the city lights that spoke your name
the things I will never forget
I might be back (I know this getting away is merely to be back)
but when?

I need to flee
to find out
who I am meant to be

I am like bleach
Men speak my name
they fall for me
I happily follow
it's hard to say no
and they don't know
they are going to get burnt

I am like bleach
slowly making a place for me
The hunger turns to bleach
I am not sorry for being myself,
but all those stains...
How can i stop this from happening
I am bleach, but I can be non-harming
The bleach reaches your soul
Oh God! Holy wAter cannot help you now

But being I bleach myself, I also get the stains
the pain

Life is this carousel that never stops
for anyone, so hold your breath
and watch the splendid beauty
of this ever spinning thing, its oscillations, its thrills
Exes, lovers, up, down, below, above
Friends and more, family - bound
Fears, hopes, love, intuition, life caught
on a single momento

The carousel might make you dizzy
then take a seat, regain yourself
and keep spinning, do it slowly this time

Are you taking the right path? Should you step aside?
Keep walking! You won't be lost
there's always someone
at the other side of the door
when you call out for help
someone's there