Bite the hand as soon as you can!
Do not let anything hold you down
Bite the hand feeding you lies
the hand that caressed you when you were a child
but turned oppressive when you grew up
and you became conscious of what the world is like

Do not stay thankful, unable to open your eyes
Bite the hand and join me in the bad daughter band
Bite the hand and be not a respectful one
The heart speaks; it sees for miles
Bite the hand that feeds you psychic death
Be not sorry; we all thrive to be alive

Because dying your hair on Monday morning is good, but
we could have been friends but you didn't want to
Bite the hand, do not hurt sadistically with your sharp teeth
but run away, steadily and clear

The happiness preceeding the rain
A rain that does not wash but rather creates pain
The happiness opening my eyes to the fact - I care
I don't mind, better to live than to merely exist

The news is a mess
I am afraid we will be next

I trust you, and I trust us
but the fear freezes my bones
only sometimes

How the world turned a nightmare - no one knows
but I'll clutch to us, just in case it stops

You don't understand
you're full of privilege
and that's what happens with privilege:
one can't even fathom to see
what your fellows do miss

I write here
like I was 15
again
but never again, now I can see,
now I can move, now I can shout
and you're spilling **** through your mouth
and I am silent, can't wait to leave the room at once

mom,
i heard you say "i don't miss anyone"
and that's the big divide
you're having it easy, I'm breaking down

You never dared looked me in the eye
until the doctor told you to do it for my life
and I guess that's the measure of your love
and the measure of your confusion when it comes
to my heart
and still you refuse my tears and my smiles
and it hurts, the divide gets bigger every day
we can't stop it even if it aches
but it feels like divine design, in a sense
and the despondency, then, aminorates

let's survive together
can we? I am not sure
we are not fighting the same at all
but let's respect each other's weight
if it can't be shared

Watch her down the stairs!
Losing herself, no kind of self-respect
no self-love, just a bunch of nerves
raging and breaking down
and no one's there to pick her up

Watch her hugging strangers
that only give her nausea and pain
watch her frantically trying
to escape

Watch her wait, watch her break
and sew her organs at the same pace
watch her ****** arms
watch her tears and the void inside

Watch her existing, not blooming anymore
she didn't choose the road, the road chose
"not blooming anymore?" Oh God
she rose from the dead back in time
can she do it twice?

Is she rotting, is she?
She feels like she's dying at such a speed
Fear freeze, fear freeze
How to survive in the belly of the beast?
That madwoman I've been and never been
is here again, I must watch her do her thing

and you ask why
this is why!
the walls I erected
were to stay protected

I cannot let you
touch my soul
it seems stupid
but I know

it's a move I don't know where I learnt
the reflex of saving yourself, I guess
the soul wants to exist, nonetheless
and you stand in its way
(no bitterness)

just a realization
of why things are what they are
if we abide, we will survive
lots of bureaucracy and diplomacy
to stay alive
you call me many things,
but you are so ******* blind

I cannot let you win
you say it's not war but for me,
within,
it is

We might love each other
but it's better to stay away
hell ensues, if we dare not to behave
stay away, for peace's sake
stay away, to carry on every day

because
I cannot let you
feel my soul
it seems avoidant
but I know

I have to call my therapist
the only thing keeping me up - this

I think I need the sick spot
the endless gut spilling
it's too much for God's sake
Give myself some rest
Pills, tourniquet, sewing,
creating
healing

I think I need the sick spot
to never go sick again
a little detour to never stray

I have to call her next morning
I might do it or not, but keeps me floating
I am halfway to hell and halfway to bliss
And in the middle, this.

Like I was again dreaming of
that airport where I got lost
I am not anxiously roaming,
because I've got a note
next appointment with her

Clutching my sheets tightly
but so relaxing
Talking to him, calmly
thinking that I have to call you
next morning

Emotional coming out
I did a lot this year so far
Alex says it's all growth
This arc for my role
could not have been foretold

Every day closer to the flame
Getting burnt for fun
My heart? It lies in my mouth
So I spit sweet blood
It's a blessing and a curse
specially behind closed doors
that allowed me to go far

The first time I lost my mind
the first time I did something alone
was because I had no one!
Toxic knots that I weaved on my own...
Collective opus - these toxic knots

Is my destiny to break down in pieces?
No, but I live for bleeding
It's such a thick wall to keep on living
You helped me become myself
but every sweet bite from the cake
I earned
I have a lot of thankfulness, even love for you,
but no connection that's true

I am a tortured artist! I am everything you hate!
You are everything standing in my way!
Yet...
We untie these toxic knots with everyday's deeds
so let's keep rolling like the sea

Let me be! Let me be!