And I am feeling lonely
but the Sun
tells me I have to wait
for us to glow
again

The fear holds me tight.
Are you doing things behind my back?
I love you so.
This is all you need to know.

This waiting is so long
Fills my mind with odd thoughts.
Do you care about this
as much as I do?

The Sun shines outside,
and I've been here some other times.
I won't fail twice.
The Sun is a promise
do you say yes?

Come with me in my red Mary Jane shoes.
We'll get lost in love as we always do.

Mother - you make me choose
between my love and you

You reanimate all my inner fears,
all these little nuisances that do itch!
You want to help me but
you don't know what the deal is

And I look at him and I can't feel his love
Did you place a screen to protect my heart?
Or to protect yours?
Do I want to become the rotting ****** I was
Do you want me not to reach who I can be?

And you are like a knife,
that turns to poisonous thoughts
filled with love
I don't want to talk because
to each their own world

Do I have to battle this now - is this not a demon to slay now - but a handicap, earthly prickly one.
You pit the dogs against us - his sin,
his birth year
My brain pollutes, mom - if I let you in
I just cannot be.
If you let me in, I'll burst yours from within.
But you'll close your eyes, you can't see.

You've never understood
so I stopped waiting for you to do.
You don't know about my life and death,
about how I freed myself.
It was his hand - all over me
It was sacred fate - and a good shrink

I am back - I never went away
All you've been - all you are today
The heart never rests, it heals and re-creates
The glass breaks to the old tunes
It never forgets

So, tune in to this old station
Of songs awakening dormant wide-eyed passions
And watch her come back, say look at me
We are one - we will always be

And I show this stranger her real name
And we talk in the rain
Washing out our pain...
And she shows me the path
In a meeting from above that goes beyond time

She is back, she crashes into my brain
She is dead - but I am not dead yet
And it was true - but I could hear something else
The distant voice - the scream - of the old self
Saying, showing:
"The wounds you carried
they beat below the stitches, but it's not the pain only,
it's the heartbeat of the living"

Everything is dying and eternal,
waiting to regenerate...
watch out for the demons
but speak to them first

Waves come and go
But you are not the waves themselves
More words pouring from God's mouth
In the shape of my friends

Paranoid thinking all over the place
I can't perceive its true face
It hides, it eludes recognition
It creeps into my heart
It's all black, no white
It's the devil in disguise

One day up, two down
Two days high, one so low
My mood shifts as paranoia seizes me
Feeling my guts do the old shrinking
My mood shifts and so does the suffering
Tears and wide smiles
I see the Sun, I see it drown
I see it clear, I see it not

Everything's quiet but there's a beat below
Bonsai girl

The world seems beautiful today
My clothes are weird that's what they say
But I have never felt so great

I doubt all I am everyday that comes
Some spirit opened all my doors
Strange behavior but so much love
Green Day albums and stuff

For the first time in my life
Things do not hurt so much
Unlearn all the **** I've learnt
******* myself to survive then

It's just
there is a light in my tunnel
there's a lantern in my heart
It seems to take away all the dark

She's beating because she's all she is
and she does not
She's crying, she's breathing, she's loving
She doesn't know but she thrives
on the little things of life
Because that's all she can touch,
all her branches can reach so far
(but it's more than enough)
Pills and new friends and sleeping after lunch
Bonsai Girl of her class

Psychotic philosopher on the make
A man is whispering her name
And the thought is making her wet
Can her little frame
take this wave

She's a Bonsai Girl
and she's beautiful
but she's bound yet
The past is only the past
but sometimes it hits me with strength
And I can feel the old things
As they were.

Our love was great
But it cannot stay that way
I gave you everything
But you gave it away

No more air to clear
With fights and what comes after it
Tired of this ****
Love does not ache, but it became daily death
For me

You drive me back here - everything at stake
I really didn't wish this, but you like it this way
I never wanted it to end - but
You are generating pain I can't digest

Poetry! She came back
The moment I kicked you out
You had my heart, but you crush it merciless
You crush it with duties and excuses
You crush me most weekends...

I love you to death, but there is a pressure in my chest
Long dreary mornings, sleeping without rest.
I feel so weak but I am tired of carrying the blame.
If I am weak, we could carry both the weight.
I feel so sick, laying nervous in my bed.
I give you my everything, but you refuse to engage
So now it's time I push you away.

And how to handle this - hurting you I never wish
How you will make me feel sorry for your problems
And guilty that I have them
What to do?! What to do!
So hard being the surgeon again
When I buried my scalpel for death
So hard being the cold surgeon with tears in her face
But I can't live this way

And if finally it doesnt break
You will have to follow my game
You will have to show
That you care

You were my light
I held you as a match
I see now with open eyes
And I see our fabrics,
and they are worlds apart

Your lack of sense is captivating
But it is what it is
We are antithetic - made of different fires
I wished once I was you
Now I know it wouldn't be cool

Now I see who we are
We are islands - what the ****?
Now I see your meaning exact
Empty - of all my pain and all my stars.