Words can't contain a world
Ironic fact that I wrote
Words are nothing but a road
leading to the higher

Words are not the thing itself
The thing itself needs nothing else

The cancer is not fully extirpated
It died inside my body instead
I watch it like a dead corpse
but indeed, once a time it was

I still breathe it...I can feel it
it is gone but forever kept
Not with nostalgia or regret
Just like one watches something dead

No sweet sharp on point metaphors today
Just a lot of confusion and a bit of pain

I can't make beautiful shapes with it
It's a deep, thick mesh of thorns
Of feelings going up and down, right and wrong
I can't get my hand inside
without getting hurt first
I need to - how to?

I will talk to you later
Let's heal over, heal over, heal over
You and me
I will do anything
Would you for me?

I never want to stop loving you
I'll wait for better times
This better be worth my while

Been blaming you all the time
for the things that really were mine
You would not swallow my pills
but it wasn't you somehow it was me

There is a question in the floor
the approval I need
is mine not yours

What drove me here to the stars
Was pure luck
Was nothing but a lack of fear at all
But I dared to roll the dice

I have no problems, I don't.
I wake up every morning and slay 'em all
But there is a shade in this canvas of doubt
I hadn't seen before

Something keeps me away
from stopping to be away
But it grows and grows everyday

I don't want this, do I?
Sitting in this corner feeling uptight
I am not like you at all
Sweet relief, being on your own

The approval I need
needs to go to hell
I never lived for it
I will scream my heart out
I will bask in the Sun

I have already been here
What to do next? What to think?
Clouded thinking can be explained
in so many ways
I have already talked to God
(and it wasn't his voice at all)
I have already lost my mind
I have already felt sane, when I was going down

I really don't wish... - now I see it clear
No one is going to whisper the answer in your ear
But your own will
your own heart
your own being
No cards no omens and no advice
No foretelling no analysis no signs
but this riddle inside

Do I have to cleave
Do I have to keep
there is an answer, there is
but no one is going to show me
but myself

Nervously hitting the switch - I can't be back here!
I know more than I did - but still
do not wave the past at me!

I am not this - I've never been
but I will -somehow- always be

I cannot think - I cannot be
(I used to write convoluted verse about it)
It's not a cliché - I mean it for real
In the amidst of horror there are no words
Horror - it swallows the whole

I shake, I ache
My whole life hangs by the wire of the light
And I am aware of what I do not like
It's you (no) it's me, it's everything

To let little things control me
To not be free anymore
I fight but I get tired

So weird writing this poem! So weird being here tonight!
But I will save myself from me - this time

I can't see the Sun as clear, yet it shines
I feel left alone, yet I'm not
I can't see what I love in my face, yet it is there
I can't touch what I want (you my heart)
yet it didn't die...

Keep casting spells on the walls of the jail with songs
Keep waiting for better days to come
Yet, nothing is wrong, just cloudy weather
but no storms

Carry on with this little burden of mine
That I will carry on for you
to relieve you from the weight
I know you love me, but you are away
Like the Sun on a rainy day
It might be mock darkness,
but it freezes all the same
I know you love me
,though, so I endure
the winter while I wait

In the back corridors of your mind
things hoard and thrive
can you take care
of this garden of phobias and desires.

Things look so clear in this distorted glass
But nothing ever really does

In the back corridors of your mind
your true self you find
It's made of pieces, of truths and lies

Be careful in the back corridors of your mind
they are light but they can get dark
they hold the key to your life
Be careful to interpret their signs
But it's easy really, as listening to someone talk