I've lost you once,
It hurt so bad.
How cliche is it of me to say,
I love you.
I love you so ******* much it hurts me,
I get worried that maybe you are gonna get tired of me.
That you are gonna leave me again.
I cannot let that happen.
You just came back to me a few months ago.
I was and am so happy,
But maybe I was your second resort, maybe you loved someone else and they turned you down.
I don't mean to be rude,
But I want you to take a step in my shoes, I want you feel how I feel if I lost you again.
How my stomach clenches and makes me sick thinking about you with other chicks.
When I can't really cry but the shakes that rack my body, leave me trembling after a night of crying.
I cannot explain how hard it is on me if you left me again.
It's so cliche, you are so little feet away and I don't think you know how bad this feels .
You say you love me, you say it a lot, it comes from the heart , but when I say it..
When I say it, I mean it with every inch of my body,
I missed you so ******* much, over those couple months I hated myself,
I lost you, and the fault wasn't mine.
And the thought of going through that again..
Truly terrifys me.

You left our world,
blessed with grace.
Your whispers may be heard throughout the night,
but it alright because that reassures you and I,
that I will never forget you.
Either way, I never would of never forgot you.

         I hope you made it to heaven,
I hope you became a beautiful butterfly.


                      You loved them so much, and I asked you why.
You said it holds a deeper meaning of beauty than just on the outside.

And to this day, that is how I think of you.

I love you so much, I hope you grow gorgeous wings and come see me.
Love your granddaughter,
Courtney .

Veins running alcohol through my body,

                 My lungs full of smoke,

      Giving me a high to last a lifetime,

                               Pills coursing down my throat,
Into my stomach they go,

          It may sound gross but at least in that moment,

                                                               I felt some sort of happiness.

You kissed me so hard
                 It turned my lips to fire
     But you were also there
To smolder them to a
             Gentle white smoke
                                 As pure as your
Beautiful soul.

Laying in my bed,
Thoughts of us creeped into my head.

I think of how we first met,
A hot day in September ,
Our friend introduced us.

From then, I knew we would
Embark on an adventure
Truly greater than Lewis and Clark .

I wanted.. No I NEEDED.. Someone..
To show me how to love again.
Being broken that time
Really took a toll
On my once strong hearted soul.

As I'm laying here, I wonder about what you'd do if I was never to return again..
I wonder what I would do
If you left me or never entered my life..
I probably wouldn't be here..
But for the most part I'm happy I stayed.

I felt bad because
I once again..
****** things up
Because of a past mess up.

I'm sorry.
I love you.
Please stay.

Well it's about time for me to go..
The sun arising tells me
I need to head to sleep.
Maybe you'll see me later.

I used to hate the cold,
What a strange thing.

But then I got use to this feeling,
The cold in my veins,
The air, and my heart.

I realized that the cold is
The only satisfactory
Feeling I could possible experience
At anytime.

A cold drink of water,
Trickling down my throat,
Finding its course through
My weary body.

A cold shower,
Finding its way down my spine,
To the drain that lays upon the
Shower I stand in.

A cold shoulder,
Being left behind
Has now become something
I am very used to.

A cold heart,
Something my body got use to
Years before,
My mind even knew what
The cold really felt like.

A satisfactory feeling coursing all
Throughout my body.

Never felt so good to feel
Absolutely nothing but what
I deserve,
The cold,