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 Jan 2013 Courtney
ORLA
I'd faithfully promised
Myself and my friends
That all this was over
And I'd reached the end
Of my fawning and sighing
And tripping cloud nine -
I'd said I was finished
I'd said I was fine.

But I wasn't, you see,
And it all became clear
When I saw you again
For the first time this year:
You stood so **** near me
And smiled so wide
And shouted my name
And I melted inside . . .

I can't turn away now:
You stare so intensely,
You promise tomorrow,
And I love you immensely.
Thus, after the heartache,
The fear and the pain,
I'm back with a vengeance.
I'm back in the game.
 Jan 2013 Courtney
roanne Q
you were never one for a proper greeting, were you? always paying attention to what was going on with the person in front of you, without recognizing the fact that you were next. life wasn't a one-man show then, and it certainly isn't now. but your drowsiness has long gone -- i almost didn't recognize you. and your carefulness -- i can see that's gone, too. you know what C whispered to me when i first saw you across this room? "there he goes, handling his women like he does his guns." i believed that. so don't talk to me about love and crime and money. the world has always tasted backwards to me.


oh please, i've been looking at you this way for years. only this time i don't have the excuse of it being spring. i haven't felt a proper spring since. i haven't -- [fingers drum in hesitation.]  i haven't felt anything since.


i said i haven't felt anything since -- i still remember everything that happened. and you're right, i'm getting away with it just fine. how nice, to finally be able to look at someone without all that gravity happening in you!


looking outside, it feels like i've been gone for far too long, but being in here -- i don't think i've been gone long enough. [clears throat.] did you miss me, darling?


you've changed.


i know. we're both thieves -- we can only ever be thieves, don't you understand? i'm not afraid of what you've done or what you've stolen to still be here. to be speaking to me, to be breathing before me. to be like -- like this. [right hand reaches toward sleeve but wilts on the countertop, a few inches away.] i want to know what you've hidden. it happens every year. think about it: it's almost winter. it's almost time for you to start distancing yourself from everyone around you. those sad things you do, those sad things we both do, they never happen in  the spring...spring is when winter surrenders it all. spring is when the bodies start to show up. autumn is dying, winter is dead, spring is when we have to clean it all up. but spring is when the light hits them just right and they look almost -- almost beautiful. not beautiful in what they were, but beautiful in their decay. beautiful that they're on their way to becoming...well, becoming no longer. ah, wasn't spring such a nice feeling?


that's precisely what i mean. so what is it you're burying from me now? why not tell me now? i'll never be younger than i am at this moment. what about now? i might just drive into the winter with you. [smiling.]


what? [stops smiling.]


i...i don't have time for this. he's waiting for me outside.


i can't say i imagined this, either.


[leans closer in silence.]


sounds to me like you still might be asleep there, yourself. [leans away, smiling.]


oh, what would you know about beautiful mornings? you were never awake to appreciate them! no matter how hard i nudged you.


you were always so tired then.


terrible. [turns away.] and so warm. [smiling.]


...i know. we both are.
oct 2012

part one: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/kissing-sally-in-the-smoking-room-i/
the title "kissing sally in the smoking-room" (c) virginia woolf, *mrs dalloway*
My words jump ship
A careless mutiny
Do they not realize their weight?
My words fly, from lips to sky
Little birds of stone
They gather in the depths of
The ocean
Brought to shore by a jealous storm
Years later
You forget, I am a fickle girl
Flush with promises to stay
But
My words are not walls
Instead they are the smoke
Veiling my escape
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Liv
I'm breaking
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Liv
Cover me in colors
Light up my world
I'm not so strong anymore

Give me your love
I swear I won't let it fade
I don't feel so good anymore

I'm tied together with a kiss
But if you fade away
I won't be ok anymore

I'm sorry that I need you
I'm sorry that you don't care
I'm sorry that I'm coming undone

I can't help it anymore.
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Lee
I want to hear you lie to me.
I want to see the sweet syrup of deceit
fall slow and seductive from your quivering lips.
I want to pile these little white lies up on pancakes;
like powdered sugar for a freshly flipped soul.
I want to see your eyes hold firm in deception
chiseling the cold ice of your gaze into cubes
for chilling the sweet drink of my victory.
I love the instant look of
guilt and anticipation;
the bitten bottom lip;
the chest puffed out,
with a breathe of indignation,
for my knowing;
the tear filmed eyes;
the legs rubbing together nervously;
hands run back golden ribbons of hair over perfect ears,
and scratch at angel shoulders
where those wings we lost should still be.
Your adorable when you lie.
Lie.
**Lie me a river.
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Shelby Smith
Mask
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Shelby Smith
The sadness behind her eyes,
behind her lips
her words
her disguise
the suffering
the pain
the anguish
behind her mask they simply vanish
all hidden from the world
which sees what it desires
does not look deep
does not recognize the fake smile
the fake
"I'm fine"
which covers the true misery within

no one knows
no one cares
ignorance is everywhere
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Robyn
Chance
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Robyn
A short dinner
Puncuated with frozen cheesecake
Left me feeling heartache
For the one that never hurt me
He never had the chance
 Jan 2013 Courtney
Robyn
I twist apple stems
And stay up for stars
Pick dandelions
And guess colors of cars

I watch the clock
It's eleven pm
But I can't find out your feelings
From a snapped apple stem
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