and sometimes I wonder;
maybe if i looked like her
he would love me

but them I remember the painful stab of his words
and keep them close to my heart, forever unchanging, to keep me from changing
because maybe he'll settle again.
maybe he'll come crawling back and enfold me in the dark recessed of his mind
with whispered i love you's
that you tuck away into the crevases of your open mouthed soul

but then,
I remember him saying *******.
that he meant it. that he really, really meant it.
and then him walking off
trailing behind him the wrappings of me
as if i was some excess piece of lust, he just brushed me off
and never
ever
did he look back again

A cherished friend once told me:
You are who you love.
I am much of her. And I am much of my other cherished friends.

A lost love lives on in this way
I am so much of him - I practically am him. I've loved so much I've left myself behind.

In the streets of Manhattan, my soul left me. Maybe it stayed there, awaiting my return
With some new fling on my arm
To take me to the opera.

I gave away my lightness and naivity to a dark, cold man who I know is more than that [there has to be more than that].

I left my pride in Toronto on Bloor street
Where I  flirted with 3 [three] men. I wanted them all. I still want them all.

But I took only one. Except he took me. In moments he loves me so much he turns into me. But it is fleeting. And it has gone.

So as we let go we regain ourselves. I will take back my optimism, thank you.

And I will remain as myself until we meet again. Maybe then we won't be so selfish and take so much,
Only to give so little.

Should you ever wear colongne
For someone else
Because you are in love
Please leave me -

I don't mean to be dramatic
But I truly want, for us, happiness.
I will let you go, guilt free
As I and others have been let go before.

Should you have purely desire,
Please know the distinction.
And if we suffer together,
We will indeed have failed.

Pessimism is not what I intend,
I prefer realism in this life
[though as a romantic, that is hard]
Hopefully we will share this ideal.

If love can last forever, I hope that we will have it
If we do not, I will not hate you
Or whoever has stolen your heart
For what we will have built will be enough
Or it will not.

Motionless
though wide awake,
alive,
& eyes wide open.
A song  plays in my head
and never ceases.
A beautiful medley
of the mysteries
of  imagination.
How fitting
that it is called Time
because I am frozen,
though still alive.
Wasting it all away
while it could be spent
with good intentions.
Is it a curse?
Can it be broken?
Is there a cure
for one who is frozen?
Has my heart
lost its fire?
Have my dreams
lost their desires?
Afraid to sleep,
I am fighting my dream infection
Awake and frozen,
I lack the desire for creation.
I have wings
but I cannot fly
very high.
I'm just a sparrow.
A selfish little sparrow.