With tired eyes
I reach for you
Only to be met
Not by the warmth of your face
But by harsh glass
And pixels that blur when you move

For a moment
I forgot
For a moment
I forgot
For a moment
I forgot

That you are miles away
In a different city
Living a different life
In a place I cannot reach
At least not physically
With so much space between us

I exist because of you
Not for you
I was born into this world because of you
Not for you
I am alive because of you
Not for you

My life is for no one but myself
You have no claim over me or my choices
You do not get to decide what I do, who I love, who I am
There is no piece of me that is obligated to do anything for you

I will not sit with knees shut and ankles crossed
I will not speak with a quiet voice
I will not bow to those who decide they have more power
I will not do anything just because you want me to

I will sit how I please
I will go where I want
I will take up space
I will scream and cry and make noise
You cannot stop me
You cannot force me down
You cannot make me play by your rules

Because I do not exist for you
I exist for me

i tried to find
a song
a poem
a piece of art
something, anything
that felt like
or sounded like
you

i looked
and searched
asked
and wondered
yet no matter what
i tried
there was nothing
that came close

for you
my platonic soulmate
are one of a kind
a light in the dark
warm, soft
kind, loving
selfless
a best friend

i couldn't find anything
because
nothing
nothing is like you

I can feel myself hardening under your words.
I can feel the softness fading away.
Each time I hear it again.
I'm pulling myself further away.

I'm told to be patient.
I'm told to be kind.
I'm told to be understanding.
And I'm trying.

But why should I try when you don't?

I'm not here to make you feel good about yourself.
And if that's what you are looking for,
Then you are in the wrong place.
For I will live for myself and no one else.

I will not bend over and break under your will.
I will not pretend to be something I'm not.
Instead I will unapologetically be myself.
And if you aren't okay with that,

Then leave.

I lose myself when I walk away from you.

I know.
I'm not supposed to.

I'm meant to be strong and sure.
I'm meant to be brave.
I'm meant to be independent.

And I am.

It's just so much easier with you there.
Right beside me.
Holding my hand.
Lending me strength when I have nothing left to give.

I am independent.
I swear.

Just sometimes I don't want to be.

every time i look at you
i fall in love
all over again