Chaos

Chaos Jun 2015

follow your heart
follow your dreams*
That's what they tell us
We are told to search
For the thing we love
The thing we live
The thing we breathe
And once we find it
We will work hard
We will do anything
Just to get it...
Everyone has a dream
At least that's what they say
Right?
We all have something
One little wish
That turns into one big dream
But what if we don't?
What if we don't have a dream?
What if there is nothing?
What if we don't know?
I don't know what I want
I don't even know who I am
So how can I follow my dreams
And my heart
If there is nothing there?
What am I supposed to do...

Chaos May 2015

Strangers

How is it that
Complete strangers
People I have never
Ever met before
Can make me feel
So much better
Than those I have known
Almost forever

Chaos May 2015

It was for me

Don't flatter yourself sweetheart
It wasn't all for you, but me
I know it might be hard to get
But the world doesn't spin for you
And not everyone will fall for you
Contrary to belief I matter too
Everything's been about you for so long
I forgot how to love myself
How to live, how to breathe, how to be
So stop pretending I did it for you
I did it for me, all of it was for me

Chaos May 2015

The sound of happiness

I've begun to hate
The sound of happiness
It breaks my heart
Cuts my skin
When I hear a laugh
Or see love
So I drown the noise
To avoid the pain
Of seeing and hearing
Everyone else's happiness
When I clearly
Have none

Chaos May 2015

Who Cares

I don't think you realise
That your words actually hurt
Like blades in my skin
Shrapnel in my heart
But I pretend like I don't care
I joke, I smile
To hide the pain
Because who cares right?

Chaos May 2015

The Deep, Dark Abyss

She went to the place
Where she doesn't exist
So his voice couldn't reach
Into the deep, dark abyss
So she lay in the dark
Trying hard not to feel
The pain that was roiling
It all seemed too real
How can she get better
Climb from this place
Empty the dark inside
Re-construct her face
Can't he see what he did
He broke her apart
Forced her to fall
And live in the dark
She feels all the pain
All the hurt and the stress
It's all way too much
Just one giant mess
So she goes to the place
Where she doesn't exist
And his voice doesn't reach
Into the deep, dark abyss