When I look at him, all I see is the man I want to marry
The man I’d do anything for
The only man I want to spend the rest of my life with
The only man who makes me feel so safe and secure and truly loved
My heart swells when I think about him and his love for me - its the best feeling in the world
And I’d never want it with anyone else
He’s my one and only.

I suppose the way I feel is unoriginal
And the words I say are overused
The “I love you”s are plain
And the butterflies I feel when you’re near are recycled
The things I thought were ours
Were already yours
And everything we experienced was and is a carbon copy of what you had with her
Before you, I didn’t know what it was like to be held properly
To be kissed softly
To have the things I want to hear delicately whispered to me
To have fingers trace patterns on my skin without purpose -
There was so much I thought was ours
So many places and moments and minutes
And words you’ve said and things you’ve done
But they were already yours
So the way it feels when I relax into your arms when you hold me
Or the way I hug you
And the way I exhale when you kiss me
And the way I look at you because I love you -
It’s nothing new to you
Sadly, it was new to me
Thankfully, it was new to me.
Now, my only worry is that your touch will seem foreign
Your kisses will be rehearsed
The words you’ll say are empty
And worst of all I think -
The way you look at me will be the way you looked at her
And I’ll know.

I love you passionately and deeply
I love you with my entire being
And at times like these I wonder how I’d be able to survive without you
I feel like the literal other half of me is missing, you are missing
And every few minutes our memories flood my head :
You lying down with your head on my lap
Us sharing pizza on my bed
And then - you, picking me up while we kiss, taking me to my room and resting me gently on my bed

These memories wash over me and it becomes even more obvious that this distance doesn’t phase any part of our relationship
It tests our patience, sure, but if anything else, it brings us closer together and makes us more appreciative of the time we’re able to spend with each other.

Distance…

You deliver torrents of happiness and comfort in my darkest times
And it pains me to know that I can’t do the same for you.
So badly, I want to embrace you;
Not just physically,
But your emotions:
I want to mend them
Fragment by fragment
To perfection.
Till you forget what it feels like to be unhappy.
And you experience only love.

Even though I’d love you to the best of my ability,
I know that it’d never be enough:
You deserve far more than I can give -
But I’d love you with every cell in my body
Ever fiber and nerve ending
Every breath and every syllable of every word I ever spoke.
I’d give you my all.


And I want nothing more than to see you
To memorize your every feature,
To touch and experience you in ways that you or I have never known.
Because you are so wondrous, that I can’t help but want to discover your entirety.

Even the nights are colder and longer since you aren’t here.
And the hours of two, three and four in the morning are no longer my favourite,
Because hearing you breathe before you descend into sleep makes my heart so uneasy
In a way that only you can.
My heart- have I told you about it?
How it takes off and functions irrespective of my body?
The way it soars and keeps climbing and speeding to rapidity that I’d not imagined?
Or perhaps how my breathing becomes irrational and irregular at the sound of those words you whisper
Uneasy.
Because in those moments I want you.
And it makes me feel like telling you:
“Pick me up right now and let’s drive till nowhere”
And have you kiss away the scars on my hips
Just as you would the ones on my wrists and my heart
But only after I mend you.

Do you see how much I want this?
How much I want to become familiar with your actions:
The way your thumb brushes across my cheek on your way to kiss me
The way your fingers trace patterns on my skin
Or simply the way you smile and laugh


I’m so alone without you.
But so in love.

i watched how your messages,
became slower
and slower.
you stopped replying.
i stopped making you smile like i used to,
i watched how you stopped laughing at the cute things i did,
like;
biting my lip,
leaning my head to one side,
and, talking in a cute voice to you.
i watched how you hooked to her.
i watched how your tone, changed;
completely.
i watched you,
slowly,
leave.

You used to give me butterflies
Now you give me anxiety

I used to smile just thinking about you
Now it fills me with anger

You used to make me cry with joy
Now they're just tears of sadness

You used to be my reason to stay strong
Now you're the reason I relapse

I used to imagine a bright future
Now all seems dark

You used to be the calming voice inside my head
Now its the one that screams that loudest

You used to always make me feel better
Now you're why I hurt so bad

You mended my heart and made me feel whole
Now you've broken it and left me in pieces

I used to write love poems about you
*Now the only ones I could write are of pain

if you deleted my number
it would hurt more
than every ****** thing
put together
and here's why

when i broke down on you
in february
i said i was just another girl
and you told me no,
you were you and i was me
and right then
we mattered
not as a unit, but as people
separate entities

here's the catch
you said ten, fifteen years from now
sure -- i might be just another girl

it's only been two
two years
if you started blurring me together now
with the other people who are just
taking up space
in your memory

i
think
i'd
die.