I hear you
But my eyes are closed
And I shan’t see you

Laughter
The sway of branches
In the soft breeze
Each small leaf adding to a collective sound
That shimmers and shakes
In the cool evening air

A low constant murmur
Of bees
Working to perfect a new nest

The low grumble of aircraft ascending
Forging into the heavens

The creak of my chair
Laughter from somewhere far away

Birds singing softly

Gentle conversations
Between husband and wife
Tender exchanges illustrating
A lifetime of togetherness

The tap of my china cup on the garden table
The scrape of slippers on the concrete of my back garden

A siren approaches and passes
Disturbing the tranquillity
Momentarily
Before a coo of woodpigeon
Returns me to my meditation

I tune my ear
To the murmur of the bees

And I wish silently
That I could stay here
Forever

I prayed for an hour this morning
I thought about myself
I thought about other people
I thought about how
I keep myself apart

It’s a painful mistake
That leads me to darkness

I want to connect
But we are taught and told
To protect and reject
Things we should fear
People we should not let near

In love we experience closeness
And then separation
We are loved
And then lost

Moments of unity
In our physicality
All too fleeting
And we return to ourselves

We have to grow up
But I find I grow apart
I want to re-connect
Step by step
One conversation at a time
And grow differently

The pain of others suffering
Is sometimes too much to bear
I go numb
At the size and scale of it

So I close my door
And hope it will never happen to me
But without feeling their suffering
I can't do anything to help it
And I detest my numbness
Which becomes my suffering

I prayed for an hour this morning
And I will pray again this afternoon

I saw a friend in the park
He is going to let me visit him this afternoon
Even though I invited myself

I just want time to think
On what I’m going to do
But first I need to get some sleep
Before I work things through

I just want time to think
Before I live my life out
But the bills are so impatient
And the man won’t give me time-out

I just want time to think
About who I want to be
But the demands just keep on coming
What with kids, the house, the family

I just want time to think
Before I get too old
About how to spend my waking hours
Whilst I’m sort of in control

I just want time to think
About how much I can take
The more stuff piles on top of me
The more I think I’ll break

I just want time to think
A padded cell would do
Where nothing from the outside
Can stop me thinking my life through

I just want time to think
And then I will be ready
To plan out all my days ahead
And make life happen just like I said

I’d stop the phones and emails
End all media bombardment
I’d put my feet up, my head down
For just a month I’d be out of town

So talk to me right after that
I’ll give a different answer
To the one I’d have to give you now
The one I’m used to handing out

I just want time to think
Before saying yes or no
I might just have to say maybe
I’m sorry I just don’t know

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The books in the box
That should go in the loft
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The hoovering, the cleaning
The washing, the weeding
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow


I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The paperwork the admin
The tax return for filing
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
The rushing and racing
The hastening and chasing
I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow

I’ll do today’s work
Tomorrow
For today I will...

Stop...

And listen to the sounds...
That surround me
And I will be happy
That I am alive

Frown lines weigh
Upon my brain
Again again
I’m here again

Torment bubbling
Inside and out
Great concrete towers
Rise up too high

In the distant future
Celestial light
Illuminates the green foliage
Of untold growth

I don’t understand why
We suffer as we do?
But we do
We do

When you are tired and empty
Hungry and ill
The world seems grey
Colourless, the day

Gone
Are the dead
Gone
From the now

So what to do
When we are living?

Sometimes, I know
That I don’t know

Perhaps it is just
To join the flow

Or beat through the crap
Of a mindset trap

And that is that
To beat the crap

I prayed for something this morning
I prayed this morning
And now this?
Now this
Now this?

So far
I’m lucky
So why complain
I got a seat
Upon my comfy train

But if I were to go
Against the grain
And fight the pain
To find the will
To climb the hill
Remember the prize
Before my eyes
To struggle home
And I'd have won
I'd have won

But I didn't win

Or did I?

Did I?

If I let the sun rise
All will be well
Will all be well?
All will be well

But who can tell?
In the split second of now
What is the victory?
What is defeat?

Perhaps
Finally
The tide
Is turning

For years
The cheats
And liars
Have prospered

And now
At last
The honest
Have fought back

To hold the powerful
And dangerous
To account

Penny coin stains
On the fountain’s white base
Holst conducts pigeons

I’m up when I speak to you
Even though I was feeling blue
So, when I connect to you
On the Zoom line
Somehow, all of a sudden
I feel fine

I’m up when I speak to you
Even though I was feeling blue
Your stories of the day
Coming done the internet line
Somehow, all of a sudden
Make me feel fine

I’m up when I speak to you
Knowing you’ll do what you have to do
It won’t be long
That we’ll be back online
And I know that when we are
We’ll feel fine

I’m up when I speak to you

Two tiny caterpillars
A meeting of ants
Wood pigeons roosting
Bees buzzing by

Soft green grass
Cool dry earth
Blue sky floating clouds
Calendula plants sway

Roses of pink
Peek through broken fence slats
Rusting barbecue of black
Beside a flat tyre bicycle

Lush green leaves bounce
Silk strands float
Breezes of spring dance invisibly
As I sit in my garden

Yesterday
My inner demons were disturbed
From their slumber

My tired bones
Became vulnerable
My mind, overrun

I fell asleep
Only to be woken
By the 3am voices

'You have got this wrong'
'You have made too many mistakes'
'You won’t get through this'
'You are going to die'


In the pre-dawn hours
I cling to my sleeping wife for comfort
And I whisper to myself
'There is only love'
'Only creativity
Only love'
But still the demons mutter their dark spells
And I start looking outside of myself
For easy answers

Who will fix this for me?
Should I run away
And start somewhere better, easier

And I try to soothe myself
By chanting again
'There is only love, only beauty
I will not let these thoughts dominate
I will banish them
With my love'

Yet, still they are active
Strange as they are
And I guess I have to live with them
Understand them
Before they will quieten
Or disappear

I am a human entity
Made of spectral dust
And I behave in this way
Thanks to my life
And everything within it

And perhaps somehow
In the dark of that night
I grew a little

I understood myself better
I did not crumble
I just waited
And it did end
Eventually
And I did sleep
And I am still alive
Ready to face one more day
To do battle
With my own life
Again

Sometimes
I wish I could hear
Your inner voice

I would stop time
And listen
To your thoughts

And perhaps then
I would understand this crazy world
Better

Somewhere...

Music is playing
Cocktails are pouring
Lovers are loving
Friends are laughing
Families are hugging
Champagne is bubbling
Voices are singing
Children are grinning
Musicians are gigging
Dancers are jigging
Crowds are gathering
Heartbeats are racing

But right here
Right now
I am with my family
At home

Inside me
Is alchemy
I can make potions
Within my soul

Inside me
New realities
Are conjured
Like nothing ever conceived before

Inside me
Is a galaxy
Of endless possibilities
Fluid, fresh, limitless

Inside me
Is the universe
And everything
That the universe has ever contained

There is an anger inside me
Burning
Like the crashing trees of the Amazon

There is rage inside me
Roaring
Like the hurricanes of the Atlantic

There is sadness inside me
Pouring
Like the torrents of the flood waters of Southern Spain

There is dis-ease inside me
Spreading
Like the epidemics of the Congo

What arises
Will die
And arise
Again

This
Is
The experience of living

The sky
Is magnificent this morning
Dramatic

People stop still
Dazzled by the glow
And take photographs
Driven by the need to remember
To share
To defeat transience
And death

If it can be captured
It can be kept
And we
Will survive
Another day

What arises
Will die
And arise
Again

Parallel lines of
Oranges
Blues
Pinks
Greys
Decorate swathes of puffed cloud

From my window
I watch the craning heads of long grasses
Bowing to the sunrise
Its dazzling palette radiates
Still more fiercely

This unforgettable scene
Presents itself
On a forgettable day

All
A reflection of life
Continuing
Graciously

The art
Of holding it all
Together

The quality
Of
Honesty

The ability
To uphold
Strong moral principles

United
In one body

Do we disintegrate
Or integrate?

Do we separate, conflagrate?

Become irate
Or negotiate?

Integrity

Oneness

Unity

One

Thoughts
Have
Power

My thoughts
Are mine

Yours
Are yours

Am I selling my thoughts?
Are they worth more than yours?

Are you paying for my thoughts?
Am I paying for yours?

Do you own me?
Do you own what I think?

Do I think I own you?
Do I think I own my own thoughts?

Whose thoughts belong to who?

Who owns
Intellectual
Property?

International Law
Is not negotiable
Not interpretable
Not to be tampered with
Or sneaked around

Not to be discarded
Not to be ignored
It is there to uphold
The value and integrity
Of human beings

Birds rely upon trees
Trees rely upon rain
Rain relies upon sun
To warm the oceans
And lift the water

On each other we depend
We are inextricably intertwined
There is no separate
Only togetherness

In the now
Enjoying the moment
Awaiting the future
Letting it come
Not trying to change it
Dancing with it
Happily
In the now

In the now
Watching the weather
Marvelling at birds
Flying
Gazing at sky
In myself
Prepared
For living
In the now

In the now
Fearless
Grounded
Available
To myself
Enjoying
The journey
Finding my way
Working things through
In the now

In the now

I sit
In the quiet
Awaiting
A storm

I wait
For the first
Distant rumble
To sound

I sit
With myself
In the present
Moment

For I know
This reverie
Soon
Will pass

Maybe
I'm dreaming
And I'm not really
Awake

Maybe
I'm dumb
Unable
To speak

Maybe
I'm waiting
To make
My mark

Maybe
I'll become
Great
At last

Will anyone tell me
What is good
What is bad?

Or do I have
To work it out
Myself?

I sit
In the quiet
Awaiting
A storm

I sit
In the quiet

I sit
Alone

At the start of each day
People awaken
To begin their travels
Along invisible pathways
Weaving an invisible fabric
To swaddle the community

People push buggies
Along pavements
Delivery drivers
Arrive and leave
Writers write
Runners run
New replaces old
As ******* collects
To be cast aside

Towns and cities
Transform
Evolve
One millimetre
At a time

Life withers
Ages
Dies

And
Is reborn

The planet breathes in
And out
Beneath the weight
Of our existence

I saw the sun
Shimmering on the water
Cormorants drying their wings
On the sand bank
Tiny grey fish
Darting in the shallows

A flock of geese journeying
Across the deep blue sky
One wood pigeon
Grooming another

And I thought
That I was lucky to be there
When all of these things
Happened

Ripples of clouds
Layered like whisked milk

A glimpse of gold

Birds, beaks down
Picking salty offerings
Of low tide

Sleeping boats lie
Exposing their bellies

Brave ivy clinging to railings

Silver hairs decorating
Narrow skin of a man’s temple

The green of widening veins
Drawing maps on my hands

Outside there is mist
Everywhere

In here a collection of silent travellers.

We know this road too well
But do we dance at our destination?

Life goes beyond the grasp of our expectation
And we are suddenly decades collected

And if storms can be weathered
There will be collections of memories
Experiences of treasure
And life, lit well by the lanterns of joy

All things come and go in circles
Everyone can be pulled together
For the heart is the most magnificent *****
From which all power emanates

I am me
You are you
What you do
Is up to you

What I do
Is mine
Alone

You and me
Are we
You know

We are you
And me
Together

I’m an island
You the sea

I’m the sea
Around your island

Being free
Eternally

Though we parted
Years ago

Hearts still beat
So complete

We are one in
Parallel

Different worlds
Life unfurled

Isn’t it easier to let go
Than to keep holding on
To things as they were

Isn’t it wiser
To be taken down the river
Than to fight the current of the times

Isn’t it braver
To say what you really think
Than to try and please the people you think you ought to?

Isn’t it certain
That the times are changing
And the best we can do is change with them?

Is the deck rigged?

Isn’t the planet’s wealth
Controlled by just a handful of...men?

Isn’t the daily race
To grab a tiny part of this wealth
The only race on offer?

Isn't running the race
Exhausting the runners?

Not racing, means losing,
Badly

If only I could grow my own food
Then I could live

If only I could cultivate my own land
Then I could live

But then would I not
Build my own walls
To protect what I had grown

Or would I be willing to share
What I had created

Is the deck rigged?
Or do we rig the deck?

Ripples
Tidal
Coming
And leaving
Mounting
And declining
Embodied
And then disembodied
Apparent
Or hidden
Blocked
Or flowing
Drawn out
Or dissipated
Between two points
Or emanating from one
Electric
Humming
Pure
Stinging
Visible
Or invisible

I think I made a mistake
In leaving the city

I think I made a mistake
In changing career

I think I made a mistake
In getting a mortgage

I think I made a mistake
In trying to be great

I think I made a mistake
In getting married

I think I made a mistake
Raising kids like I did

I think I made a mistake
In working long hours

I think I made a mistake
In admitting all this

Is it too late to turn back the clock?
To return to my teens and start again?

My mistakes are
Who I am

They make me
See more clearly

They are mine
And mine alone

They are the clothes
That wrap around me

And make me move
The way I do

They are
My possessions

My unique jewels
The scars

That make me…
Me

It is a creature
That cannot be tamed

It is invisible
And cannot be photographed

It is energy
That pervades the cosmos

It is a force
That makes us move

It is visceral
But you can't taste or smell it

It forgets
But it's in our memories

It is

Music

It is here
That the bees gather nectar
Freely

It is here
That the birds sing
Happily

It is here
That flowers display
Their most fragrant blooms

It is here
That nature
Meets
Artistry

It is here
That I send
A message of love to the world

It is here
That I send
A message of hope

It is here
That I send
A message of peace

It is here
That I send
A message of unity

We can
Look with friendliness

We can
Connect with kindness

We can
Understand our purpose

We can
Create the world once more

It’s all right

The sun rises
And sets with dignity
It’s all right

It’s all right

The moon whispers cosmic stories to us
As we sleep
It’s all right

It’s all right

The earth
Knows all the secrets of the universe
It’s all right

It’s all right
We will rise up again and again
Until we fulfil our mission

It’s
All
Right

It’s all right
To cry

It’s all right
To laugh

It’s all right
To play

It’s all right
To love

It’s all right
To dream

It’s all right
To work

It’s all right
To give

It’s all right
To live

If you explore your dreams
Capture them while they are fresh
Turn them into words
Inscribe them in your life

If you can take a step
Then another
Continue
Even though winds rage
And the rain crashes down

If you can keep your dreams sacred
Thank those who travel with you
Remember the unique and beautiful nature of your soul
And your humanity

Continue to journey
Right until the very end
Moving with dignity
Taking great pains
Taking great care
Never giving up
Never losing hope

Then my friend
It will come to you

It will come to you

For you are a child of the universe
Most precious creation
Of the most precious creativity

You will have fulfilled your purpose
And shone for who you truly are

I am running away
Although I am sitting still

I am eating food
Although I am full

I meditate
Whilst my mind races elsewhere

I am awake
But oh, so tired

I am frustrated
But inactive

Alert
But drowsy

I want to create
But don’t know where to start

I want to love
But want to be left alone

I want to dance
But I don’t want music

I want to be drunk
But I don’t want a drink

I want to smoke
But I couldn’t stand a cigarette

I want to sleep
While I am awake

I want the opposite
Of what I need

I want...I don't...I want...

I want to
I don’t want to
Go out
Stay in
Meet people
Meet myself
Explore
Take risks
Live on the edge
Be safe

I want to
I don’t want to
Take responsibility
Take care
Build for the future
Live for the moment
Go crazy
Stay sane
Live long
Escape

I want to
I don’t want to
Do the right thing
Get drunk
Start again
Forget everything
Fly high
Dive deep
Visit everywhere
Buy cheap
Dance and sing
Disappear

I want to walk
And keep walking
Until I can’t walk any more

I want to be late
To the places that
I am expected

I want to fail
To turn up
Because I am too far gone

I want to walk
And walk
And walk

I want to hurl my mobile phone
Into the sea
And empty my pockets
Of credit cards and keys

I want to walk
Beyond people
And cars and shops
And throw my clothes
Away by the wayside

I want to walk
Until I am completely exhausted
Walk until I meet
Nothing but nature
And then I will lie down
And bury myself
In pure untainted earth

And there I will wait
Until I transform
Into a magnificent tree
******* carbon dioxide
From out of thin air
And turning it into solid matter

And I will grow and grow
Year after year
Knowing that I am doing something
Wonderful and creative

I will lean into the winds
Drink of the rain
Reach for the sunlight
Tingle with the snow

And I will live
True to my nature
Nothing but true
Growing and giving
Growing and giving

And when the time comes
For me to die
I will rock in the breeze
Until I rock too far

And I will crash
Crack and fall
Until I am left lying
Next to the earth
Whispering my thoughts
Unafraid

And time will pass
And I will fade
Until there is nothing left of me
At all

I was there
When the world woke up
And the sky turned
From deep purple
To Grey

I was there
When pigeons and seagulls
Circled overhead
Beating the air behind them

I was there
When two elderly gentlemen
Struggled up the hill
And a greengrocer
Opened up shop

I was there
When a steadfast father
Encouraged his three wrapped up youngsters
On the way to school

I was there
When the crescent moon
Appeared from nowhere
And disappeared behind the clouds

I was there
As the turquoise river
Rippled beside rows of sailing boats

I was there
As beauty arrived
Fresh and quiet
And green grasses stood still

I was there
I was there

When you arrived
I vowed never to leave you
When you stumbled
I was there to hold you
As you grew
I was there to catch you
When you ran
I was there to follow you

When my heart was breaking
You were growing older
I thought at that age
You'd be strong enough
For the change

When I left
I thought it would be ok for you

But I was wrong
I was wrong

Though I lived but five minutes away
For you it was a million miles

Although I saw you every day
The nights were hardest

When I came back
You were angry
And couldn’t forgive me
For the past

And I know
In breaking my vow
I was wrong

One day I hope
I can talk of the hurt we all went through
And help your injured heart
To heal

But for now
I am sorry
And will work
To earn your trust
And hold you
With my life
Once more

Your temper flares
Like an alligator
Flashing forth from the water’s edge
And I ask
Why do I endure?
Why do I carry on like this?

The sea roars
Incessantly
Like the sound of a gale
I am drawn to its power

Clouds have emptied
Ceaselessly today
And the earth
Which holds so many secrets
Lies sodden

My feet cool on the wet grass
And I wonder
What will the future hold
For the likes of me?

Is there a promised land
Or will it all be over
In a flash?

Sometimes my day disappears
And all I have done
Is struggle
To arrive at some place
Just to arrive

I could gaze up at the stars
And they would tell me more
Than your eyes do

Perhaps I should expect less from you
And more from the universe
In forty years time
I will know the answer

I will wrap
A blanket of love around you
To keep you safe and warm

I will protect you
As you make your way
Into the unknown

I will fly
To the furthest corner of the universe
If you need me

And my thoughts will be with yours
As you dance through the good times
And scream and shout through the bad

Birds sit upon branches of blackened trees
Watching the landscape
Seeking safety

And I will sit through
The darkest of nights with you
Until the dawn breaks

I wish I were
Swimming in the sea
With you

I wish I were
Drinking coffee
With you

I wish I were
Spending time
With you

Knowing
You
My friend

I wish I could
Change
Your point of view

I wish you could
Change
Mine

I wish I could
Give joy
To you

I wish I could
Hold
This time

I wish I could
Do
Great things

I wish I could
Celebrate
The world

I wish I could
Paint a beautiful picture
Of the future

Just for us
My friend

I wish

I wish

I wish

Titillating fantasies
And horror shocks
They make me feel sick
I won't read the news

Morning thoughts
Are just too fragile
To be battered and shaken
I won't read the news

We long to feel joy
We yearn to know stories
Of human endeavour

I won't read the news

The journey
Of true and meaningful change
Is slow

When you are bound
By a thousand ropes
Accumulated
Through lifetime after lifetime
It can become very difficult to escape

Even though you might remove
One or two ropes of karma
Still you may feel tightly bound
Unable to grow or move forward
At all

But as you continue to remove the ropes
Which have been wound
Around the heart and soul
One snip at a time
Unwinding them
Discarding them

Then one fine day  
You will perceive
That their hold on you
Has Loosened
Slipped away
Disappeared

And the suffering
Has gone
And
Joy
And
Freedom

Remain

What does success look like?
What does victory in life
Look like?

My mind flits
From moment to moment
And I wonder
Am I ok?
Am I prepared to face the day?
Have I done enough?
Am I doing enough?
What is … enough?

Have I achieved success?
Who decides what success is?
Why do I even think in these terms?

I am the only one
Who can guide this particular ship
I alone stand at the dials and levers
Of my own life

And yet
I suspect
That beneath my conscious mind
There are dials and levers
Whirring and buzzing
Of which I am not aware
Pushing me in directions
I cannot explain

Is this a good thing?
Is it bad?

At the end of this trip
Where will I be?
What will I know?
What will I feel?
Is there some kind of legacy?

It is become October
In the year of 2020
And bad news is on the rise
Once more

But I am still here
Thinking of all these things
And sharing my thoughts
With you

Crisps
Chocolate
Doughnuts
Coffee
Salted Peanuts
Lemon cheesecake
Cappuccino
Cigarettes
Gin and Tonic
Pint of Cobra
Curry, rice
Poppadums
Onion bhaji
Squeeze of lemon
Fizzy coke
Lemonade
Ben and Jerry’s
Ice cream
Eggs Bacon
HP sauce
Mushrooms, hash browns
Fried Bread
Baked Beans
Butter, eggs
Marmalade
Just the best

From me
At this tired
Jowly moment
When my face muscles seem
To melt and sag
As my shoulders hunch over
In half-asleep crescent
I somehow produce
Just a few words

I am here
Composing
Reposing
Dozing
While the wheels
Are rolling
And fields
Slip by

While others organise
Their personal effects
And prepare to live out
Just one more day

The drama of Wednesday
11th January
Twenty seventeen
Is now commenced

And I am squeezing
The sponge of my life
As hard as I can
For just a few words

When I feel as tired as this
When I feel put upon from the moment I awake
When I am battered by stormy words of criticism
When I am stuck at the gates of my own weakness
When I am torn up by indecision
When I am dazed by the dawn
When I simply think that I will never be able to achieve my dreams
A voice inside me says
Never give up
Never be defeated
Continue
Just continue

If this is the karma of humanity
It’s time to change it

Whether on the edge of oblivion
Or amongst the peaks of perfection

Above all things
I believe in kindness