Sea temperature:
16 degrees

I felt it fully
With my whole body
As I took my October swim

For a while
The clouds parted
Allowing golden sunlight
To warm my face

I emerged
As if re-born
Tingling
With divine heat

Two is
A number
Divided by itself
Is one
Add one
For a crowd
Take one away
For solitude
Multiply itself
To make a square

Two is
A pair
A couple
Company
Two
Means we
Us
Both

Two is
You and me
Together
We are free
I am only
Two is more
Than a number
Two is company
And that's
A gift

Twenty two twenty two
Alone
Quiet
In a private place
In my home
Silent

Twenty two years ago
I was twenty two
And twenty two year before that
I was born

Twenty two twenty two
I would like
To live you
Twice over again

Eighty eight
Is my goal
To live
Two more lifetimes
Perhaps I will become
Twice as wise

If I should ever come to read this
Twenty two years from now
I will remember this moment
With fond nostalgia

Twenty two twenty seven
Five minutes has passed in writing
And I finish
My day

Two three
Three five
Five Six
Seven Eight
Two three
Two three
You me
We three
Three five
Five Six
Tick tick
Click click
Tick tock
Clock Stop
Tick
Tock
Tock
Stop

There’s nothing I can do
But lie here
Drenched in a 4am sweat
Worrying, worrying, worrying

This is my pattern
It has happened before
And will no doubt happen again

I'm woken from my sleep
At the darkest of hours
My inner fears
Roused from their slumber

And I can’t banish them
I cannot tame them
I cannot transform them
They simply circle and repeat

I lie, trying to breathe
Struggling to calm myself
Battling to silence their negative narrative

But the material is rich
And the worries are so hot
And the volume is turned up
To the max

Minutes go by
And then hours
And the battle is waged
On and on

Until at last
I accept it all
Accept the discomfort
And just let them
Happen

I change my position
Cool my body
And somehow
At some time
I achieve, just a little more sleep
Until the 6am alarm sounds
And I am up

And the day begins

And the day ends

And I go on

Surviving

On this day
19 years ago
The world changed

19 years have passed
Measures of time
Slipping through the eternal hour glass
Quietly distancing our lives
From that day

But still I can remember it
As if it were yesterday
The first tower
Smoking like a chimney
The second plane
Colliding

The shock
The utter shock
Of it

The collapse
The dust
The people
The firefighters

19 years have passed
But my heart still aches
For the fallen and their families

93 million miles
Have you travelled
To reach me
And warm my face

Walking to the station
I observe your golden rays
Making patterns between the trees
Illuminating this winter morning

A community of wood pigeons
Pick at the earth
Where the frosted grasses
Have melted in your light

And people appear
Walking through swirling clouds of whiteness
Like mysterious characters
Of some great drama

How clearly I see your rays
Simple straight lines
Journeying for 93 million miles
To where I stand

Avoiding any obstacle
To land upon one man’s face
And make him feel
Happy

He is cool
He rocks
He’s like a rock
Solid

He is kind
He is deep
Like the sea
Mysteriously

He’s a young
Seventy-one
Number one
To everyone

He’s a mate
He is great
We celebrate
Our dearest John

It is hard to cling to the belief
That I can be absolutely happy
When the reality of being partly happy
Is much more familiar
And attainable

Experiencing a partial life
A mix of frustrations
Groans and sighs
Half baked 'if onlys'
Is easier to achieve
Than a life of absolute happiness

Today
Loss became abundant
Mortality
Closer

Sitting at the altar of my life
I stare at impermanence
Longing
For release
From my ailing efforts

I repeat and repeat and repeat
And repeat
And somehow
Stand still
Growing ever so slightly
More aged

Trees sigh at my impatience
Whilst birds nest
Huddled in their branches

It is not hard to find inspiration
If one takes care to look

Yes, we know there are wars
While the cost of living soars
We know there are scandals
About the political shambles
But…why aren’t we talking about climate?

We know about inflation
And the economy’s grim destination
We know about Brexit
And the gossip about Megxit
But…why aren’t we talking about climate?

We see petrol costs rise
And dwindling supplies
The poor have got poorer
Our children insecurer
So, why aren’t we talking about climate?

Our home is the earth
Where all mothers give birth
And all the earth gives
Enables each human to live
So, why aren’t we talking about climate?

News stories mean nothing  
If the planet is boiling
1.5 draws near
Our future unclear
So, why aren’t we talking about climate?

There still is some hope
If people take note
And demand of Earth’s leaders
That immediate change that is needed
So, let’s make sure that they also talk about climate

Please sign and share this petition - at 100,000 signatures the Government will be required to debate this issue and maybe the UK can do something special before we handover our COP responsibility.  Thank you very much!  https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/615537

There is a corner of my mind
That I am frightened to visit
There is a child who sits there
Alone

It is me
Alone
A child
In a corner

A child afraid
In a corner
I want to help myself
But I don’t know how

There is a corner of my mind
That I do not explore
Because I lack courage

I read about hope
Hope and boundless courage
These are the companions
I would like to befriend

Hope
Boundless courage
Courage that knows no bounds

I have been rejected
Time and again
And I become the child
In the corner of my mind

Lost
Frightened
Alone

With courage
With hope
Perhaps I can help the child to stand
Perhaps the adult can carry the child
To safety

Hope
Like a warm glow
Courage
Like a great gust of wind

My stomach feels tight
My chest full of aching discomfort
Wearily
Bleary  eyed
I travel into the predictability of a narrowing future

In spite of everything
I try to help the child to stand

'Don’t worry' I whisper
'I am here for you
I am here to help you stand
I would never scold you
I will only show you kindness'

To create a different future
We have to unmake
The patterns
We have learned
In the past

To unravel
The fabric of our lives
And weave
New possibilities
Is an act
Of courage

I'm having a day off
I'm taking my time
I'm not carrying on carrying on

I'm having a day off
I'm taking it easy
I'm not even answering the phone

I'm taking a break from all rushing about
I'm pressing the pause button down
I'm staring aimlessly right out of my window
Apparently l'm out of town

I'm quietly being alone
I'm quietly being myself
I'm letting the others charge on with their stuff
I'm making myself feel at home

I'm boiling the kettle for endless tea
And preparing to do nothing at all
I'm waiting for quiet, then birdsong and then
I’ll listen to nothing some more

I'm taking a day off from everything
I'm cancelling all meetings today
I'm out of the office
And stuck in the bath
I will not be coming out to play

I saw a drop
Land in a puddle
And a perfect ring raced
To the puddle’s edge

I saw another drop
And another and their rings raced out too
And then they joined together

I saw a thousand rain droplets
Stuck to my window
Until the rush of the wind
Joined one to another

I imagined the deepest depths of the ocean
Silent, swirling, black
Built of billions of drops and droplets
All working together
As one

And I pondered the secrets of the universe
The possibilities that arise
When one joins another
And another and another
To become many

I’m making a fresh start
Although the sights, sounds, touch, tastes and smells
That pass through my senses
May be more than familiar
I will try and experience all things anew
With the wonder that they deserve

I will enter my place of work as if it were
My first day of work
And do my best to make a difference

I will treat each person
As if they were a King or Queen
I will try to be helpful and supportive
And treat each person with the greatest sincerity

I will give what I can
And enjoy what I receive
But I will not expect to receive
Only pursue the joy of giving

I’m making a fresh start
I will clear out any negative thoughts from my mind
And allow only bright ideas and dreams to take their place
I will say ‘Thank you’ whenever I get the opportunity

I will look back at this day
With great gratitude

A day of which I can be proud
A day in which I was able to renew myself
And the world around me

I’m making a fresh start
Although the sights, sounds, touch, tastes and smells
That pass through my senses
May be more than familiar
I will try and experience all things anew
With the wonder that they deserve

I will enter my place of work as if it were
My first day of work
And do my best to make a difference

I will treat each person
As if they were a King or Queen
I will try to be helpful and supportive
And treat each person with the greatest sincerity

I will give what I can
And enjoy what I receive
But I will not expect to receive
Only pursue the joy of giving

I’m making a fresh start
I will clear out any negative thoughts from my mind
And allow only bright ideas and dreams to take their place
I will say ‘Thank you’ whenever I get the opportunity

I will look back at this day
With great gratitude
A day of which I can be proud
A day in which I was able to renew myself
And the world around me

Is it possible to feel
The summer of one’s life
Gently turn to Autumn?

Is it possible to perceive
The weakening of one’s body
The subtle shifting of the physical
Towards the ending

To embrace the turn and swish
Of time’s universal pendulum
Making one final arc

If this is so
Then, whatever I do from now
Must bring something good into the world

Just for a moment
As I hold a bundle of washed clothes
I inhale the autumn air
Observe the blue skies
And feel the soft earth underfoot
The cares of adulthood evaporate
And I become an ageless creature
Wondering at the sun
Gasping at the breeze
Dazed by the dancing birds
Ignorant of anything but the moment
Unafraid of death

Only now
Am I learning the art
Of loving

In my childhood
‘love’ had to be earned

And this injurious transaction
Has stained
The decades
Of my adult life

And yet
I somehow
Know
That I can learn
To love

And that love
Must be directed inwards
As well as outwards

Today
I painted two pictures
Retrieved an empty sweet packet
And a football
Drifting in the sea
As I took
A cooling swim
I played cards with my daughter
Spoke to my sister
Finished my book
Made lunch and dinner
And wondered about my inner ambitions
My restless desires
And I let them go
A little

Creating
A truly happy family
Can
Change the world

I hear the distant rumble
Of an aeroplane
On its way
To an unknown destination

And I wish I was up there
Travelling through the clouds
In the evening sky
Starting a new adventure
Experiencing the sensation of journeying
Ready to meet new people
Opening my life to new opportunities

But I remain here
Grounded in my reality
Held by my responsibilities
Still, in the midst
Of this strange time

Blue coats
Fried food
Headphones and alcohol

Gates and overhead fans
Travellers
Waiting
Clutching passports and tickets
Whilst giant machines
Queue up
Waiting to power along
Soaking wet runways
Blasting tiny humans into
The fantasy of imagination

We have learned to fly
And normalise
The experience of disconnecting ourselves
From the solid earth

We float in the air
Like babies in amnion
Normalising the abnormal
Dreaming our earthly lives away

It’s all but a dream
All of it
Organised into parcels of time
Bundles of adrenalised experiences

Inside all of us
Our hearts beat
Once
Twice
Thrice

Calmly counting
The measures of our time
In this incarnation

Until we stop
Fade
Disappear into the fabric of the air

Wider
Freer
Greater than any jet plane

Abundant in our disappearance
Untraceable
Unrecognisable
Lost in the wisps of our former existences

Dear delegates
I stand before you
As an altered man

My eyes and ears have been opened
By the courageous voices
Of those people
Young and old
Who have expressed to the world
Without fear of reprisal
The truth of our shared reality

I am humbled and inspired
By the example
Of Greta Thunberg
Who has campaigned for our future
And our planet
Whilst I
Have chosen to deride and ignore
All those people
That I deemed
To be obstacles
To the achievement
Of my own plans

I am so sorry
I was wrong

You see, I wanted to get
The best for my people
And take what I saw
Was the quickest route
By digging up and burning more coal
And investing in more oil
And starting wars when there was no need
But I was wrong
And I am so sorry

I can now see
That our planet cannot cope
With these activities any more

I can no longer deny
That our forests are burning
And that are species are dying
I can no longer deny
The reefs are failing
And the soil is degrading
I can no longer deny
That our very existence is under threat

I have been so wrong
And I apologise

If you will let me
I would ask
Only to serve you
In a new way
In a way that I hope
Will amend the great wrongs
I have allowed and encouraged

For years
I cannot deny
That I have longed for greatness
And now I see
The only way for me to achieve
Some kind of redemption
And meaningful recognition
Is to give my life
For the sake of others
And our planet

I will use my office
To lead my country
As best I can
Into a new era
In which all life is respected
In which clean and green
Replaces oil and dust
In which the waters run pure again
And the air is alive and fresh

We will give our beautiful planet
The love that it needs
So that we can continue to receive
The nourishment and compassion
It offers to us
As your humble servant
I offer my remaining years
To you

‘I’m almost back to normal’
I told a friend today
He said …’if you’re almost normal
don’t go all the way…

…Stay a bit abnormal
It’ll be a clever touch
Normal and abnormal...
We’ll love you just as much!’

At half past five
I find a moment
To sit on my own

Alone at last
Against the darkness
Of the winter evening

The swirl of the day’s activities
Have ceased
For just a moment
And I sit in this old building
Listening to the moaning of the wind
As it rushes round the tall concrete walls

I wait for the moan again
A rubbery wail
As if an icy monster
Was lamenting the loss
Of its only child

In the distance
Children dance
And adults make their way
Through space

Contemplating
What it means
To be alone in this world

We are all alone
But we are in it together

A look
A smile
A word
A touch
Transports us from the loneliness
Into communion

I hear the children playing and screaming
Experimenting joyfully with the motion
Of each others lives.

I am a man
Who is full of holes
I take in too much
For my own heart to hold

I leak through my holes
These tears in my soul
The ripped seams ooze worries
And the brow wears a furrow

I am a man
Who is full of holes
I feel them so sharply
But they just will not close

With needle and cotton
I could stitch up the rents
But then I'd contain it all
And surely explode

For, I am a man
Who is full of holes
I'm walking with weaknesses
Troubles and woes

But I'm true to my heart
And I am what I am
I know that I’ll carry on
Living my plan

These holes will be with me
For all of my days
My leaky creations
And worrisome ways

But I thank imperfections
For serving my conscience
And all of them sparkle
With my own life experience

For I am a man
Who is full of holes
My life is a story
And where next, who knows?

I'll live like a man
Who is upright and true
And show you my heart
It's all I can do

On this day
In 1971
I emerged
From my mother’s womb
To meet the world
As it was
On armistice day

And now
I stand
A man
A father
Looking back
Looking forwards
Ageing
Ageless
Adult
Grown

I pause
Half way
Across the ocean
Of my earthly existence
And realise
There is no turning back
Only the future
Only what I do next
And how I choose to live

I will always return to the sea
I will never tire of the tides
I cannot forget
The ebb and the flow
The drawing back
And the rolling in

For I am a man of the sea
I am briny and shaggy and old
The blue in my eyes
Is drawn from the depths
And the brown of my hide
Scooped from the beds

I will always return to the sea
I will never tire of the tides
I cannot forget
The ebb and the flow
The drawing back
And the rolling in

My wiry beard is woven from weeds
My bones are welded stones
My hands are like starfish
And my feet like rocks
My breath is the gush
And the rush of the foam

I will always return to the sea
I will never tire of the tides
I cannot forget
The ebb and the flow
The drawing back
And the rolling in

If I should fall right off this earth
And my shoulders collapse from the strain
Then burn me through
Collect up my ashes
And scatter me onto the waves

For I am a man of the sea
I am briny and shaggy and old
The blue in my eyes
Is drawn from the depths
And the brown of my hide
Scooped from the beds

I will always return to the sea
I will never tire of the tides
I cannot forget
The ebb and the flow
The drawing back
And the rolling in

A giant amber moon
Rises over the dusky estuary
Two black birds fly west
And a great ship eases silently out to sea

Coastal lights flicker
As musty salt-sea air
Hovers round street lamps

Silhouetted trees
Smile upon swaying reeds
And a saxophone blows
Sweet as chocolate

Roses fade in the twilight
Reds, pinks and yellows
All turning to darkness

This is my precious time
Alone
To witness
The magnificent amber moon
On the rise

Close your eyes
And watch the back of your eyelids
Open your mouth
And just for a while
Let cool air mix with the warmth
At the back of your throat
Rest your legs and let the blood flow up and down
Until your feet are completely rested
Relax your shoulders
Let the tensions of the day
Slip away as easily as water
Flowing down a mountain stream
Rest your fingers on your lap
And let the finger tips tingle with energy
Remember you are whole
One beautiful being
Let your mind wander
Wherever it wants to take you
Let go of the rudder and allow yourself to float
Down the river of your subconscious
Enjoy your nakedness
It is yours to enjoy
Be close to the air and let it soak you
Warm water will bathe your back
And all pain will float away
Like balloons in the breeze
Now listen to your heart
It is beating within you
Showing you the way
Love yourself
Give love freely to yourself
And prepare your heart
For the future

I take a moment of rest
To watch seagulls circling in the clear blue sky
To wonder at the ebb and flow of the tides
To sit quietly on a sun warmed bench
To watch the peaceful sea sparkling below
To hear the cheerful songs of birds
And I can tell
That at long last
Spring is on the way

Man
Makes
Woman
Decorate
Man
Leaves
Woman
Stays
Man
Gathers
Woman
Sings
Man
Competes
Women
Unite

Please
Yourself
Please
Others
Please
Others
Please
Yourself

Man
Kills
Woman
Cooks
Man
Rushes
Woman
Slows

Man
Swaps
Woman
Takes
Square
Faced
Round
Beauty

Oddly
Shaped
Different
Sizes
Trees
Both
Tall
Beautiful

Firm
Creative
Deep
Flexible
Man
Woman
All
Gathered

I am at home
In my home
Watching the blue sky of day
Grow lilac

My last train journey
Was a month ago

Since then
Spring leaves have grown
On the tree in my garden
And the air
Has become noticeably cleaner

Perhaps this global malady
Will persist until our planet
Is given space to purify

On this morning
So bright and fresh
Green grasses of spring
Dance peacefully in the quiet breeze
Wood pigeons sing softly
And buds on naked trees
Glisten as they present their fledgling leaves
To the world

On this morning
The sun dazzles
And warms me
Seagull chatter soothes my ears
And all else is quiet
The air has a natural freshness
As people sleep in their beds
And I feel free, like a child

What does
One person
Amount to?

It is through
Our interactions
With others
That we become
Something more
Than we are
Alone

If I can see the Andromeda Galaxy
2.5 million light years away
Why can’t I look you in the eye?

You wonder why
I look to you
For love
Tenderness
Comfort
***

I want you
To make
My feelings
Disappear

Emptiness
Desolation
Hopelessness
Powerlessne­ss

Still they keep coming
Stronger than the wind
Stronger than the wind

And you wonder why
I look to you
For love

I want you
To make
My feelings
Disappear

I had a thought of a thing
To write about
During the night
Deep in the night

But it escaped my mind
Just like that
Without a trace
An empty space

It was a great thought
Or so I thought
That came in the night
Like a fairy sprite

But now it’s gone
To who knows where
Behind the sofa?
Under the chair?

I wish I could know
What makes me remember
The idea was there?
Before it left

What makes me forget
It’s clever details
And leaves me stuck with
An empty page

What long ago passed
I can still recall
And that which is recent
Has slipped through my fingers

I guess that’s just age
And my great idea
Will land on a page
Of a brighter writer

Beyond the bluster and hatred
The anger and vitriol

Came a new dawn
Sunlight
Reason
Dignity
Honour
Quiet
Truth

We can breathe easily once more
No longer are we braced
For sudden shocks
Charged with adrenaline
Tense with fear

No longer are we fearful
Of who we are
And the differences of others

We know the challenges
We face
Now we can address them
With the resolve and understanding
That we possess
Everything we need
Within us
To overcome all obstacles.

And it will be
Our behaviours and actions
As human beings
That will define us
And our legacy

Social Distancing
Face masks
Check your temperature
Persistent Cough
Stay at home
Keep your distance
Two metres apart
Stay Alert

Defeat the Virus
Protect the NHS
Save Lives
Wash your hands
Sing the National Anthem
Twice
Covid Secure workplace

Work from Home
Daily Death Rate
Keep the r
Below one
Exercise once a day
Jo Wicks
Zoom meetings

Stay safe
Care Homes
ICU
Furlough Scheme
Global Pandemic
Vaccine
Treatment
Wuhan

Viral Pneumonia
CPAP
BiPAP
Care workers
Delivery Drivers
Emergency Budget
Recession
Thursday Clap

Flatten the peak
Second Wave
Clean Air
Bird song
Binge Watch
Netflix
Daily Briefing
Never Ending

Today at 8pm
My family stood at our front door
To applaud the efforts
Of our national health service workers

Neighbours I have not yet met
Stood all down our street
And we clapped and cheered
And generated a new sense of togetherness

I have learned
A greater appreciation
For all the efforts that are being made
By people to create society

This is the world we need
Where people treasure people
And each precious contribution
Is valued and honoured

A new time is coming
Say goodbye to the old
For the earth has been turning
New tales must be told

Our hunger for profit
Will no longer do
It's time for compassion
To carry us through
The clock has been ticking
In front of our face
The bell is tolling
The end of our race

A new time is coming
Say goodbye to the old
For the earth has been turning
New tales must be told

Our careless contempt
Of our life giving soil
Replaced by a yearning
For acquisition of oil
Our plunder of wildlife
And fish of the sea
Has created the dead zones
Where life cannot be

A new time is coming
Say goodbye to the old
For the earth has been turning
New tales must be told

We have all the science
We ever could need
We've seen the great suffering
Of millions in need
But wheels keep a-turning
To satisfy the greed
Of a tiny proportion
They call the elite

A new time is coming
Say goodbye to the old
For the earth has been turning
New tales must be told

If I could shout ‘stop’
And bring things to a halt
To take stock of the world
And show all we’ve wrought
Would it open our eyes
To the need for the change
Has Covid not shown us
What must be arranged?

A new time is coming
Say goodbye to the old
For the earth has been turning
New tales must be told

Don’t kid yourself
That you’ve created angels
When bullets are flying

Don’t kid yourself
That you’ve raised a guru
When poppy wars are raging

Don’t kid yourself
That refusing to work
Makes you a warrior

Don’t kid yourself
That living off others
Makes you an artist

Don’t kid yourself
That controlling others
Makes you a powerful person

Don’t kid yourself
That shouting abuse in public
Makes you an leader

Don’t kid yourself
That you are loved
By those you abuse

Don’t kid yourself
That you are in charge
And things will never change  

Don’t kid yourself
That you know best
When you don’t even know yourself

Don’t kid yourself
That you are better
Than those you so readily criticise

This world turns in circles
And the forces of causality
Turn in such a way too

My sense of smell
Has departed
My sense of taste
Disappeared too
And now I know
What loss it is
To eat and drink
Without these things

Mealtimes lose their pleasure
Eating become purely functional
This Covid shows what is important
Through what it has taken from us

It’s late
Another day
Draws to its conclusion

I wonder
Did I really live today?
Was I really there?

My body
May have moved
From one place
To the next

People
Passed in front of me
And I passed in front of them

I existed and traveled
From the
Light of the day
Into
The Darkness
Of the Evening
Was I really there?
Was it really me?
What did I give?
What did I learn?

Another
Day
Another precious day
Has passed

And I am alive
Incredible

Incredible
Another
Day

I’m entering
Another dimension

The transition
Will be painful

But I will adapt
And adjust

Finding joy
Wherever I go

For the pain
Of staying put

Outweighs
All discomforts

As I travel
To a new, more beautiful place

If I were another man
I would hold you close
If I were another man
I would let you hold me closer
If I were another man
I would bring you flowers
If I were another man
I would read you poetry until you fell asleep
If I were another man
I would carry you over the ocean of your sorrows
If I were another man
I would honour you just as you are
If I were another man
I would be the man I want to be
If I were another man
I would be the man I ought to be

This world
Is a place of wonders

Living things
Inhabiting every tiny corner

Each day filled
With extraordinary feats of survival

Each creature
Striving to reach maturity

Desiring to leave behind
More of its own kind

Life
Everywhere
Single-mindedly struggles
To endure
To reproduce
To survive

A celebration of being
Dancing through the fearsome storms
Unrelentingly
Living