‘It’s ok to be who you are’ said the man
His voice cracked and his eyes squinted.
Snow had settled on a few rooftops and ice painted swirls on the train platform.
‘But I don’t like who I am’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t know. It’s this feeling that I have inside of me. That I’m not really any good for anything.’
‘When do you get that feeling?’
‘Most of the time’
‘Most of the time?’
‘Yes’
‘That’s a lot of time spending feeling that’
‘I know’
‘Do you ever not feel that way?’
‘Sometimes’
‘And when is that?’
‘When I am distracted. You know, when I am thinking about other things.’
‘What other things?’
‘Work, family, Brexit.’
‘Brexit!’
‘Yes, believe it or not, I am addicted to watching the news on Brexit.’
‘That’s sad’
‘Yes it is. I guess it gives me something to feel indignant about.’
‘Do you want to feel indignant?’
‘Yes, I think I do.’
‘Why do you want to feel indignant?’
‘Because I think I have failed.’
‘What have you failed at?’
‘Life’
‘Life?’
‘Yes, living. You know life! Being a successful person.’
‘So tell me, what’s a successful person?’
‘Someone who doesn’t have to worry about paying their mortgage.’
‘Really? Is that what you really think?’
‘Last night, I dreamt of a party.’
‘What kind of party?’
‘A party in the garden of a big house.’
‘Whose house?’
‘I guess I owned it.’
‘So what happened. It was my daughter’s birthday and I kept calling her E.D.’
‘E.D.?’
‘That’s right. And there was lots of food and drink and music.’
‘It sounds like a good party.’
‘It was, but it was also just a dream.’
‘That’s ok. It’s good to have dreams and to remember them.’
‘Is it? Who says?’
‘Me’
‘And who are you?’
‘A voice of reason.’
‘Reason?’
Conversation with myself
30th Jan 2019