beneath the golden iris
blue glare shared between
waves of a luscious green
more stars than i've ever seen
the beauty i can see
everytime you turn to me

frozen to the marrow
an icy, hollow core
to juxtapose the vessel
through the cosmos we sore
closing in on an answer
orion serves his sword
to slit the adam's apple
before the stars can tell us more

i never dared to call when you're asleep
another knife next to the card inside your sleeve
your laugh like cyanide everytime i tried to make you see
the darker half that conceivably convinced my wrists to bleed

the sussuration of life outside my window let's me know i'm still alive. 'took the dive', it's been described less eloquently from time to time. the murmur of the wind in conversation that never ends with the whisper from the trees 'til mr. winter eats their leaves. but i survived, i mean just look at me. alive and took a drive, packed the car five stories high with all the people, places, things and love i would've left behind. from now on, i decide.

i pray i'm imagining things.
neurons firing, burning me.
the brakes on this freight car start to scream.
real life breathing into my dreams,
fanning the flames in the evergreens.
real pain where it's not supposed to be.

she smiled
but it didn't reach her eyes
the weight of gold
and everything else inside

the most precious stones
i've throw into the lake
to skip and wish to elevate
with nothing less than my love
as if that's ever been enough.

suspended in a deepening cold
incessant, never ending
seeping into my bones
you begged me to let you love me
but it's safer to freeze alone

I'm beyond me
Beating myself for being myself
And then beating me again

rigid skyline
crossed T's and dotted I's
that wink at the night
inspite of what i know is right
i accept the invite
and wake up in the afternoon
my pockets light

it's always been her fear
of inadequacy that distracts her
she can't get passed the anxiety
to pursue her passion
she would rather stand asleep
she's that last to see
that she might be exactly
what this planet needs

fragrant flavors of autumn
fallen leaves the flotsam
of summer. spelunking
and plunging into the aesthetic

it's harder to find the way out
when you don't know how you
dug yourself down.
sunken, so alone.
all alone now.
everyone left you above ground.

fluorescent orange
sunset soaring
sore and a syringe
stripping bone so cringe
get a grip, kid
puzzle pieces
biting creases
in my lips
until they bleed
you said you love me
so it's cool goodnight

you take your coffee sweet
vanilla latte with stevia
you treat me like concrete
as i dream of you biting my sheets

i'm lying to everyone
rather be drunk than loved
yeah sure i've been taking my meds
i've been getting to bed
and there's not as many
voices in my head

evasive sleep
i’ve been awake since three
i pray the way i’m thinking of you
is the same you’re dreaming of me

i hear the whispers of you in everything.
every grey cloud bullying the sun and every stray sound echoing its hum.
lying bare beneath the trees of sleep and waking to an itch without relief.
i believed knowledge equaled belief
but faith was a dry and dying seed.
how can you water what you cannot see?

standing on the narrow stairs
painted walls to match your hair

standing in the scent of dust
damaged walls to match your trust

standing only inches apart
a vibrant warmth to match your heart

standing there despite ourselves
you and me and nothing else

this night feels like a sigh
the painted sky
reminds me why
i feel so dry
landscape and flora
we were soaring
but the leaves dried

we’ll just read by firelight
feel the warmth on heavy eyes
snowy day, December night
someone I love on either side

soft, sweet
so curious
in my dreams
when i breathe
i hear it

honestly, it’s not so bad
right now
she’s not mad
right now
he’s not sad
right now
if i don’t think about it

you sit under the sun
and the golden shine is one
with the beauty of your skin
and you don’t believe
how beautiful you are

all the flames and all the fun
you can’t deny the nights we’ve won
i wish to live forever here with you

you make me feel new
truth is, we stole the moon
when we kissed, it’s true
your skin so smooth
and my words like rusted roots
i wish i could spoke
i wish i speaked
i wish i told it
i wish i spoked
i’m broken and weak
and can only speak
of my love for you
in this drunken speech

his name was something
i can’t recall
but we spent a whole night
playing pool, 9 ball

overhead lights hazed blue
chalk on my cue
made a shot or two
watch his turn from a stool

next game, someone called
maybe we'll play a split
it doesn’t matter who won
we were infinite

city skyline bright
your eyes lock in on my eyes
we felt every pulse

i’ll probably stumble to the driveway
before the stars are all done shining
find a place still open
where the locals are unwinding

i got a fresh pack and a pocket of cash
ready to spend my last check
on the first girl that looks my way
forgetting all the word she’ll say
doesn’t matter, we’ll be gone by day

i know a lot of people
upset with the way i’m living
but i’ve never been known
for making good decisions

i want a love that likes laying in my bed
wasting time but never losing tread
i want a love that can play me in pool
lose a game and then play it cool
(but in a cute way)

i want a love that will love me
when i’m too drunk and hug me
let me know that everything will be okay
let me know there’s another day
when this one’s done
and the rising sun
isn’t something to run
from but something to see beauty in

i want a love i can reciprocate
i want to be ready while i wait
for you to get ready for our date.
i want to love the way you hate
the toppings on our pizza
or how the Uber was late

i want a love the loves me
that feels the things above me
realizes I’m more than
my mental fallacies
and looks past all i am
to see what i can be

the mornings always hurt too much
for the night to feel worth it
i’m broken and you’re a crutch
but in the moment it felt perfect

i think too much when i’m all alone
memories stinging like a funny bone
i think too much when i’m by myself
i’m just another toy left on the shelf

embellishing my relevance
your eloquence is heaven sent
the aggressive postulant’s sentiment
flattered, yes. accept my dissent

beneath the plastic clacking
i’m laughing. too attached
to girls moving backwards
and making eye contact
they burn with the passion i lack

i think i built a crane
to lift the things i can’t
a wagon to carry my baggage
a ***** pack for my angst
a tote for all my love
backpack for the parts i hate
i drag these bags around
i take them to the bank

i had a dream
and the only reason i could believe
it wasn’t real is that you were with me