a foreign feeling
a stranger lurking
myself in my own skin
my own evil smirking

i felt my legs cemented
in denim, drenched in sweat
vaulting fences in defense
of getting sentenced.

privileged to lay against a bed
when all is said and done
we lay with white linen
reminiscing on the battles won
while darker skinneded children
live in fear for things they haven’t done
privilege.

i sneezed and my eyes watered
and it felt good because it was the closest i could get to crying despite the demons hiding and flying and the dark clouds colliding
thunderstorms with no chance of precipitation
i want to cry but can’t for the life of me
the faster i run the thinner the air becomes
it’s so hard to breathe and everyday i feel less like myself, a shell and everything i hate is the pearl inside being pressed and designed with hopes that one day it’ll be worth something
i’m jealous of the night sky because even in its darkness, even behind its clouds there’s still stars that shine

tingling toes tell the tales of my woes
so self aware with my laser set to stun
i’ve always known, it’s just the way it goes
under the gun and staring into the sun
i thought i won but i’m the first one drunk
on spider webs weaved and spun
my mind as stagnate as the wind around the sun
my thoughts have begun to run on my *****
hunched over failure or lack there of
with nothing left inside my lungs

suffocating
love’s faded
waited days and days
placated misplaced rage
displaced into this place
ran out of disk space
to save the memories

like pencil lead on scratch paper
scratched that but a tad later i
stenciled dad or divine savior
pancreatic cancer for hard labor
****** barracks room and beatsaber
keep safe in states
united to sleep with cheap skates
carolina reaper states the heat flavor
all my dreams on a piece of paper
scratch paper..

all this time
and all i got

it’s all i am
not what you thought
but what you bought
not what you sought
distraught.

i was meant to be something else entirely
but i forgot.

boxer briefs



not boxers
not briefs
barely reached
the space for *****
call of duty
winnie pooh
oversized stained gray tee
shirt from an old team
maybe even summer league
half pint
ice cream
ben
and
jerry
and an entire bottle of irish whiskey