Trying all I can.
Even if life has a different plan.
It will have to take me,
kicking and screaming at the top of my lungs

Going nuclear for good measure.
If I go down.
I'm taking this ship down with me.

When I'm trying not to be petty.
As my heart hemorrhages at the
thought of true love.

Seeing your happiness is just a
knife in the back.
But it's comforting to know,
I was your stepping stones.

Even if I never feel again.
At least,
I can say I felt.

But why do I have to
pretend being happy..
For the greater comfort
of everyone around me. .

The great lie.
The one I've been telling myself
for ages.
My silent prison.
My own personal hell.

I should be happy for you
but I'm not.
I should congratulate you
but I won't.
I should let go of you
but I can't.

I guess, I'm just petty.

What's it feel like?
To have the wonder of love,
shine a light.
On your haunted heart.
Wouldn't it be wonderful?
To feel so alive and full.

Your call is demonic.
Like sulfur.
Serenading my nostrils to a high unspoken.
As your little white lies dance around me like a pole,
I realize, I'm the fool.

Waiting ever so patiently;
to come out of my she'll.
One wing out of the cocoon.
And I'm ready to fly.
Or at least try.

I always thought you'd be near.
To catch me when I fall.
But you weren't there at all.

Just lay me down
In your bed of lies.
Look me deep into my bedroom eyes
and off the lights.
So I can wear my disguise.

The truth never comes out in the dark.
That's why we've chosen to be blind.
We're content,
paying no mind.

And we're not okay.
Okay?

Even if you don't exist.
The idea of you,
has kept me going.

Even if it's lackadaisical
with a heavy helping of delusion.
It's better than nothing.

If only you could love me.
The way,
I would love you.
I wouldn't be sitting here
surrounded by flower petals and false hope.
Alone in my thoughts, I've found the garden to be the loneliest of places.

I've carried your worry
for so long.
I'm starving for ambivalence.

In a dog eat dog world.
There are no winners.

Only cannibals.

Casually accepting
we're living in a dystopian nightmare.
We've been training for this moment.

Years of all this
chaos and fuckery has aged us.

When will we wake up
from this fever dream?
And at what cost?

There's no coming back from the cliff we've been pushed off.

I've dined with snakes of all kinds.
Your cobra doesn't scare me.
Fangs and all.
My stance unshaken.
By your taunts, your threats.
A snapshot of your desperation.
A glimpse at your quest for control.
The epitome of lost causes.
Failure of the heart to produce an ounce of love.
There's no saving you.
And I'm sorry.