Already today
I’ve forgotten your name,
although it’s written
all over my body.

On my hands that you held
that November night,
on my forehead you kissed
when we said goodbye.

In my eyes that you loved,
on my shoulders you hugged,
on my back you admired
in the hot summer sun.

If I want to remember
your name these days,
I just look at my body,
for there you will stay.

But I don’t want to remember,
I want to forget
I want to live life
and remove you from it.

I want to close my eyes
and not see you
behind my lids
when I feel the bruise.

So I’ll stare straight ahead,
I’ll follow the sun.
For if I look down at my body,
I’ll come undone.

Baby, I can’t help it.
You make me wanna smile.
You make me wanna crawl into
your world a little while.

But all that’s just a memory,
some papers in my drawer,
some playlists and some post it notes
all scattered on the floor.

I think I’ve lost my footing,
I think I’m falling down,
I think I’m gonna topple
face first on the ground.

You’re trying to trip me,
to push me on the floor.
Is this all we have in store for us?
Or is there something more?

I’m on the brink of freedom.
I’m sprinting for the edge.
But right before I feel the fall,
you pull me back again.

I want you to see the hole in my shirt
where your heart went through like a Colt 45,
and opened a dream at the back of the neck.

Here,
let me unbutton it for you.

I'm lying here,
So restless in bed
You're the only thought,
I have in my head.

Thinking of you,
Asleep I can't fall.
Staring at my phone,
Wishing you would call.

My heart still broken,
My mind going insane.
You're the only thing,
Going through my brain.

I miss you babe,
I miss your touch.
Not having you in my life,
It hurts so much.

I miss having you here,
Showing you how much I care.
Sending you roses,
Running my fingers through your hair.

It's hard to accept,
But I try to understand.
At this point right now,
I can't hold your hand.

My poem doesn't change anything,
I just like to write.
You mean the world to me babe,
Have a wonderful night.

Soak into my bones like ink on paper
Stain me any way you wish

I wanna breathe you in like water vapor
And hold you in like smoke, like this

I did not ask for you to love me,
But instead for the illusion
That with your body next to mine,
We’d vanish in the depth of time
Into the most beautiful of places.

I did not ask for you to love me,
But instead I asked for silence.
And with my head upon your chest
I closed my eyes to dream,
That somehow you did love me
In the most beautiful of ways.

Are my inside rotting or freezing
Is this blood coursing through my veins
Or is it madness, anger, sadness and shame
Is my heart disappearing, turning to ice
With every breath a memory of you comes twice
And my minds working overtime
Trying to keep alive the past
Trying to make a happy thought last
To keep the depression at bay
As my love, my life
Starts to fade away

Big TALK

                                         Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk
                                          is all you ever did, sweetheart

talk and talk and talk

                                                 not once did you
                                          think of what your words
                                                    were doing
to me

                                                   that you were
                                                     changing
me,

                                                   ­   that I
                                                    believed
them.

--------------------------

I don't have myself
                           any
                             more

no strength
or energy to
write
this
     any
        more.


I can't            hate you.
I can't            love you.
I don't           have you to hate,
I don't           have you to love,

I don't
have you
at all

------------------------

I don't want this,
I don't want
all of
this


hurt.

The dream becomes a haunting
The angel becomes a demon
And I always feel her taunting
As I keep dreaming
As she keeps flaunting
In the eye of the storm in my mind