Something is tapping my shoulder
Telling me to look away
Telling me that it simply will not work
That even with everything I've got, it'll never be enough
But something else urges me on
As if you were the only one for me
As if you actually felt the same way
As if I could actually obtain such beauty
But suddenly the door swings off it's hinges and reality stands in the door way shaking his head
He knows that there is no such thing as second chances
He knows that I do not deserve something of such quality
He knows all of the things that I refuse to believe
I still love you like I always have
Like lighting the last match just to watch it burn
Like a little kid playing with fireworks, loving the sparks but hating the ending, always wanting more
Always wanting to hold the lighter but to afraid of the flame being so close
I am a runaway train headed straight toward you
Yet even with our head on collision
You still do not even recognize me
Something is telling me to let go
But everything else is tightening my grip

"Why do you like him so much?" they all ask
"What's so great about him?"
Well let me put this into perspective
What’s so great about cigarettes?
The exhausting vapor oxidizing your lungs
Painting rough shades of grey filling all of the empty voids
What's so great about alcohol?
The acerbic liquid that turns one night into a celebration
But the next morning into a distressing *****
Leaving you sick to your stomach, feeling vacant
So what's so great about him?
He is the IV in my veins
His eyes possess a power that draw me to him
An addicting extenuation of unrequited love
He makes me feel like candlelight
A lighter without gas
A bottle with nothing in it
Astounding disappointments falling on top of each other
Constant agony but this love is too strong to feel anything less
**I couldn't imagine feeling anything less

It's the day you get to see him
an hour and a half to stare at him
hoping he doesn't catch you
yet still kind of hoping he does
because if he sees your eyes
maybe it will remind him of
the light that was once there
but isn't there anymore
and maybe
he'll wonder why

Last night I discovered of how little you think of yourself
How you battle insecurity and feel like less of a human being
How you look in the mirror and do not see perfection
You count the calories you intake instead of the constellations in your eyes
You see an empty soul instead of the alluring prize
And what you don’t understand is I think
You are so beautiful, I wouldn't recognize you among the stars
You are so beautiful, that flowers must be jealous
You are so beautiful, the oceans are envious of the depth of blue in your eyes
You are so blind to not see your charm and grace
And it tears me apart because I look at you and see a diamond
Unscratched, untouched, perfect
Yet all you see is a pebble

It's easy to think that you miss me
It takes no effort to imagine you and I together
Acting as if we never went separate ways
Acting as if the sun never set the night you held my hand
Acting as if our love aligned at a perfect intersection
It's so simple to look back and pretend that it was all real to both of us
To play pretend and you being the boy who actually cared and me being the girl who actually didn't
All just scenes of a premature play that never made it to Broadway
We were just too cliche I guess
A story that everyone's already heard
And maybe this is what you wanted
For us to be put away, collecting dust and remembering only the fragments of our so called "love"
We look like a broken mirror, a cracked sidewalk
So jagged and sharp yet I am addicted
Addicted to the burn, addicted to the pain
Because I figured that if I didn't feel anything
It would be as if it never happened
The agony proves **it was real

Don't ask me what it is like to love someone
I have thrown the word love away
Like they do colorful beads at Mardi Gras
Abundant and beautiful
Yet no one throws them back
Don't ask me what it is like to love someone
I have waited by too many telephones
I have kissed too many of the wrong people
Hoping to find one who's lips might taste like his
Like craving something you're allergic to
Yet still giving into the temptation of eating it an suffering anyways
Do not ask me what it is like to love someone
Because I have not experienced real love
Real love is when it is returned
Having the one who's eyes look like the sunrise
The one who's walk makes you want to follow behind them
The one who had a smile that can reignite a fireplace
Having the one who makes your heart melt like ice cream on a summer day love you as much as you love them or even more
That is real love
And I am not familiar with something so precious
Because the one who stimulates my well-being is too busy
Following someone else, someone who is nothing like me
And yet still I wonder if he is taste testing too