will whatever is in me
blossom and bear fruit?

or will I be left to rot and
wilt
like the rest of the flowers
a bouquet for you that is now gone because you are not there

the table is set
but no one is home
this is why our Christmas decorations have been around for so long
we're all gone

all I know is how to take my pills and how to be alone

hunger pains make little boys flinch at night
convulsing their way through nightmares
and shooting up in their bedrooms

I stole myself from someone else
and I'm not here now

My heart doesn't work
but I still have machines
to help "me" survive

this is one I might have been meaning to get off my chest for a while
but I have allowed my body to abandon me
to leave me cold and vulnerable

the way they beat you must feel nice
you think I'm cool?
you're wrong

I need a new disease
this one has escaped me

I need a new disaster to harness
I need a new cacophony to conquer
I need a new archetype to emulate

All of it is an advertisement for your death

Lately I've been glancing through the haze
to ensure your last of days was that and only that

All of my dignity got stuck in an electric fence
My pride mangles itself, trying to unfold on chicken-wire
I am taken by the throat

It is okay to bite your nails
It is okay to talk to me
It is okay

Nonentity is of no consequence
If you are aiming to please

Well, actually, or rather potentially
nothing
dead and gone

Gag me
and tell me to breathe easy
Cut me
and ask me to bleed neatly

Dress me in my best suit
and lower me
put me underneath

Dress me in my best suit
and bury me
drown me in apathy
and breathe my last breath for me

Higher planes
Blood is boiling

Cities made of chalkboard scratchings
with mock airplane pilots and people sipping coffee
leaking with black ink