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 Apr 24
Latiaaa
Deep down in the submarine depths of an abyss
Lies the burrows of your deepest desires.
Wanting togetherness but in the context of Siamese twins.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Those mummified remains still haunt you in your sleep—
Obsessing over putrefied bottom fat
and Nile rivers pouring in and out.
You fornicated with women—
Felt like you bombed the village or did it just feel bomb?
Breaking sweats as if you’re a labored worker…
Save it.
Eventually you gotta meet your maker and confess.
Idealizations and fantasies can only operate off inner truth and cravings.
Only the strong willed can survive.
Everything you preach is a myth—
“ever heard of the Loc-ness monster? Boogeyman?”
Yea like those myths…
You’re a cracked out delusion of what you want to be,
Look within and speak the real you.
 Apr 23
Latiaaa
You used to want to hold me in your arms,
Now the games give you solace. 
You’d tell me your every thought,
Now we sit in stillness.
I want to be there.
Your episodes are new seasons to me.
I share my body in ache for your showcase and closeness. 
Once you’re done with me you’re back on your solitude. 
I used to be your light,
But I’ve dimmed the ‘shine’ with my selfishness.
My job is to be there,
But my presence feels so obsolete,
Disconnected.
I must be patient with you. 
Kiss me through the phone,
I want to replenish your heart.
Nurture you from the ground up,
Water you with my affirmations.

I hope my eyes still give you a kaleidoscopic dream.

Wish things were the way they used to be. 
Now I barely see you and you’re right in my face. 
It’s like I’m frustrated 
But can’t be. 
I need to be there.
Waking up every morning 
Hoping for a full moon.

I feel like I’m losing you, 
Slipping through my fingers. 
Less than, 
Out of control.
Like there’s no sense of time.
 Apr 4
Latiaaa
I overgave, my cup was so full I let it overflow and spill into a tsunami of tears and blood.
I washed every crevice of my body to make myself pure.
I tore myself apart at times to fit into the piece.
Can you say I lost myself?
Fell into this spiral of false identity. I spun myself ragged till I couldn’t breathe—
till my heart exploded.
I realize my own superpower, that everything I touch grows, but also changes.
I’m free yet I feel the metaphorical shackles weighing my thoughts down,
evil thoughts try to make a way in my body, telling me what I’ll miss in the absence.
I try to steer myself away from that.
You’re so far gone I don’t even recognize you, you’re not the person I fell in love with.
I see a mirror but I also see a door,
a door to another life.
To try again, but better and with the new added tools.
I have re-wired my brain back to my own truth. Forget what they’ve said, take only the good parts and scram with the negative.
Don’t feel used, feel accomplished.
Work here is done. I’m preparing myself for my future life.
Let it go, babe.
You have to release the grip, let it go…
there’s something waiting for you,
they’re waiting for you to heal,
to keep going, they’ll be there,
just focus on you.
 Mar 26
Latiaaa
Hello birdie,
You flown on my shoulder and sung me a melody.
A melody that couldn’t be replicated
A melody that was meant for me.
I’ve been hooked to the tune ever since…
My sweet birdie
You’re so free.
I fear you’ll soar so far
You won’t come back home.

I see you’re a special one
Your melody is different.
It sends fireworks through my veins—
Rushing to my vitals—
Pumping and generating pure love.

How selfish of I to have something so beautiful.
I wait on you by the window,
But you’ve slowly stopped coming.
I don’t look for any other symphony but yours.
But I guess I’ve stopped listening to your song…

I’ve shut my window and closed my ears.
Tuned myself into other noise.
You’ve flown so far from me I can no longer hear you.
That is my fault…
Have I taken advantage of your specialness?
I fear you’ll sing that same melody elsewhere.

God, my sweet songbird
What have I done?…
So gentle
So serene.
I fear you’ve already sung that special tune to someone else.
Open my window and stick my head out,
I put my ear against the wind
And waited.
Waiting…
Is it too late?

You’ve grown tired of singing to me
But I won’t stop.
I’ll stand by my window and wait.
Wait till I hear your nectarous symphony again.
I won’t stop
Till I feel you on my shoulder once again,
Home at last…
 Mar 18
Latiaaa
I’m made out of *****.
That’s all I’m good for.
As I age
I see the meticulous
effectiveness
influence
capability &
endowment it has on mankind.
The curse
affliction &
diabolical use man wants it for.
She flaunts it like a Olympic champ
he yearns it like a corner fiend.
I’m nothing but *****.
Scared like one.
Beaten like one.
”It’s so wet”
like the tears sitting on my cheeks
”It’s so warm”
like my inferno heart.
***** desperate for attention
but only made for mankind assumption.
 Mar 14
Latiaaa
I stood in the midst and took my oath
Swore on my life I’d fight till my knees buckled.

Murdered those close to me in sacrifice.
Slained the ones that came close to you.
Battled till I saw the sun,

Weep and mourned till the moon appeared.
Taking wounds after wounds,
I rose and slained.
Tread the rocky alps and strong tides.

For what I thought was defending my own,
Turned into a betrayal of deadly sins.
I’ve thrown up the flag of ivory
with the promise of relinquishing my fight.
 Jan 29
Latiaaa
The rain washes the ick from the world. Cleansing me.
Healing me internally.
Who would have thought that rain can rinse away
the illness of the corrupted mind.
Who knew such organic smells could transform
your outer being.
You’re a plant in mother nature’s womb.
Kissed by lilacs and nurtured with the
sap of a Thousand Oaks.
Let the rain purify the marred heart
and guide those lossless souls back to
the innocent land.
Like a fairy, travel back to the
motherland of abundance and
self love.
 Jan 29
Latiaaa
Think-piece from your chapter book,
“I’ve set the tone”
lil do you know.
Trying to tell you—but it backfires.
Backfires on my back.
Burning me.
I felt I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t live.
Couldn’t bear without.
Made me feel I’ll crash out without.
You think you the only one?
Walking through the desert plain
Seeing the ruins of my watered gardens and fruits of labor.
Castrated the confidence from its supporter.
What I thought I knew was a figment of
false optimism and skewed reality morphed
into a delusional fantasy—mimicking as a nightmare.
That scared feeling origins from a scared little girl.
Wanting to fix the continual problems.
Turning cold and slowly shedding
Help…
 Oct 2023
Latiaaa
Call me when you need a hug
I’m there.
You send me through tears,
Beautifully painful.
I’m just a call away.
Through the wire
Passed the dial buttons
Into the speaker
Is my hug for you.
You need me as much as I do.
Let the sea waves soothe you.
Let the wind trickle down your body.
As I hug you through this digital world.
 Jul 2023
Latiaaa
Touch me like I’m a daisy,
Gentle with grace and calmness.
Speak love into my ears,
Lilac memories that flow in the cool moonless night.
Gentle, as if I’m porcelain.
Loud vibrato and clashing scorning
Rubs me like a thorn prickling my neck.
I feel minuscule,
Backed into a corner
With my arms out
Aching for embrace.
You talk as if
Your tongue is on fire,
Scorching my bare skin.
I am not sandpaper,
“You want me soft
But give me a hard life…”
My heart jumps in anticipation—
Looking over my shoulder
Hoping it doesn’t come back.
We were so soft,
Fresh linen sheets spun to perfection.
Frocklining through a field of
Admiration and affection.
What went wrong?
My timid heart is weakened.
I just want to be held like a daisy,
Soft.
 Oct 2022
Latiaaa
I won’t beg nor rebuke,
Just a thought that runs
through my inner core.
When I think of the old—
the meaning of love
in my mind gets admonished.
Makes me repent,
Refuse,
Run away on my own.
No guidance.
I’ll be in my rowboat
on my way to what the world holds.
A sea of abundance and versatility.
You’ll always be my love jones,
My root and soot,
The muse.
But I refuse to keep you around
With the inconsistencies,
Scarce conversations,
Wounded egos.
I’m no longer the caged bird
I now sing my own tune.
Soaring like a rapper’s flow.
I’d rather be connected with my mind
than confused on the nostalgia.
 Aug 2022
Latiaaa
The desire for intimacy comes first
The love is what keeps us sticking around.
It isn’t easy ‘cuz it’s a decision u gotta keep making so long as you’re committed.
Definition of love in any sense means
Stillness and choice.
I love u
So I let u come as you are
And I meet you with as much space as possible
For you to feel your feelings
Share your triumphs
Commiserate your failures.
All of it is a choice I agree to keep making.
Every time I make that choice
The love gets stronger.
And so does our level of intimacy.
It’s not always easy
I don’t always do the best job
But I’m committed to choosing it
Each time.
 Jul 2022
Latiaaa
You wanted space
I gave you infinity.
I care
But you need space and peace.
I don’t want the
Weeds to tumble
And roll into chaos.
Quietness.
It aches you to call,
My quarrels and clashes
Disturb the waves you ride
To keep afloat.
My mind runs
Recorded thoughts and images
Of you,
But I mustn’t disturb you.
You need space
I give you breadth.
Quietness.
You exhaust
Your mind with lucid
Thoughts and weight
Created from my madness.
I’ll cease,
I’ll take my squabble elsewhere.
Anything for you
To have peace.
I’m sick and aching
From my own selfishness.
I wait by the phone
Knowing you need
Space.
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