I’m starting to finally realize
that you aren’t at all right for me.
It’s taken me almost an entire year
and a lot of sleepless nights
of crying and talking and staring at the ceiling,
and I don’t know if I’ll ever completely be able to stop wanting you in my life,
but it’s worth a shot.
Maybe I’ll let you go
instead of living a life that revolves around
a boy who decides day by day if i’m worth his time.

you asked me who these poems were about
and i didn’t have the heart to tell you
that almost every word
i’ve ever written
has been for you.
all for you.

I was finally starting to rid myself of you
and your persuasion,
your crooked smile
and nice guy demeanor
that left me to your will,
but then you came along and asked a simple question
one that showed you might just be thinking about me.
so here I am writing poetry about you instead of deleting your number.

i’m starting to notice all your flaws.
you touch people too often in conversation,
and the right side of your mouth turns up when you talk.
you’re so awkward when you play basketball
and your voice is weird.
it’s got a country quality to it
and if you listen hard enough
you can hear the lisp on your s’s.
you’re not near as perfect as i once thought you were.
i don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

the day after we met
i told you
that i thought God put you in my life
to help me,
and you said you felt like we understood each other.
how did we form such a deep connection
having never seen each other in person,
and having only known each other for less than 24 hours?
that’s the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

i had a dream about seeing you this weekend
followed by a dream in which i was in a car accident.
i feel like that’s trying to tell me something.

i’m tired of spending every waking hour thinking about you
i’m tired of consoling you when you’re sad
and i’m tired of thinking that just because we connected so fast on such a deep level we’re soulmates that just haven’t had our time yet.
i’m starting to think that it’s never going to be our time,
and surprisingly i’m okay with that.