The rich kids line up
to receive capitalist communion;

The poor kids line up
strangled by their holy binding—

Henderson, 2018

the last fleeting days of summer
surround my restless soul
my psyche sways softly
to the hum of my manic schemes—

sixty-seven degrees sunset cloudy skies
with a chance of contrition
i line my coat with the pieces
of your cashmere heart—

Paradise, 2018

i am a ghost
watching you with each passing hour
they fly so quickly
yet they feel the longest by you—

i am a ghost
my grip reduced to an ice cold breeze
i hold you in my arms
and i feel nothing—

i am a ghost
i watch your dreams come true
as i lull myself to sleep
your warmth a false façade—

i am a ghost
i tell all my friends
how happy we are together
i think they have finally discovered my madness—

i am a ghost
and when you become one too
i will be waiting
to break away from chains—

that have kept me away
from you
for so long—

Paradise, 2018

now living the better part of my life
where you are no longer mine
my heartbeat an incomprehensible song
driving the words from my lips to your ear—

beyond the guise of my poetry
i, too, live a second life
where you and i can disintegrate
our grave a bed of peonies—

there, too, are third and fourth lives
where you are all apart
despite (our) best efforts
i christen the memory of five and six—

my words cannot bring you to life;
the way they did before—

Paradise, 2018

summer nights—cold soul
drunken anecdote
the flow of ink so delicate
to massacre the old for the new

winter morning—warm hands
littered streets
the sound of your vowels and consonants
just the right consistency

chiseled gravestones—life in your eyes
sound of footsteps
the burn of your last words to me
inverted and sweet

the universe owes us no due;
the six minutes i treasured you—

Paradise, 2018

i wrote for you today
i abandoned my moss covered legs—
i ran as quickly as i could to you
and i wrote down so many things

i hope to see you soon
i miss that tired groove in your voice—
will i see you again
have you heard this pretty song

i wrote for you today
because i abandoned you—
not because i wanted to
but to bring light to truth

you left me
i abandoned you—

the moonlight is pouring into my room
it vanishes—i weep,
a bloodborne obsession
the moonlight is pouring into my room
it bathes me—i weep,
cool wind aches my skin—

Paradise, 2018

Abandoned in every manner
I sleep in a shallow pool of blood
Every correction possible made
Clarity never came at such a price—

Between loans, loss and black livery
My mission was clear
From obsession I rose again
But when will I return to ashes?—

Familar visions I found solace in
Sent familiar fear through my veins
Created only from a life of necessary impurity
To create the new dogma I now adopt—

I stand before what I once rejected
With no choice but to embrace it with open arms
And in that I retreat again
So that I too shall return to the dust I once was—

Paradise, 2018

I always told myself that I had wanted to “go away,” it really didn't matter where, I just wanted to go away,

You told me I’d find that place and that I’d like that place but I didn’t actually want to leave because I knew I’d leave you,

I’ll always remember the night we made the decision. The decision to stay together forever. It seemed like ages before I knew our separation was inevitable, my tears giving me the first real indication of such,

Though I had made those last two situations up in my head they seemed so real because you were in them,

Sometimes I’d imagine that you were mine and that I could cherish every inch of your skin,

Arriving home is so difficult sometimes because I look out my window everyday hoping you’ll walk by,

Even if you didn’t even know it was my house just that glimpse would be enough to fill my heart for eighty-two lifetimes,

I wish I was as good as you at this. I really do,

You eat confidence for breakfast, your bleak outlook on things sometimes reminds me I’m not the only crazy one,

You make me feel sane and you make me feel valid and you make me feel more than anyone has in the midst of what I always thought to be just me being insane being depressed being every label that has been crazy glued to me since the day I was born,

You make me feel like it all makes sense for once,

You make everything feel fine, like everything is going to be okay even when it’s not,

Like I said, I wish I was as good as you at this. How do you do it? Please enlighten me,

I just want to be you I want to breathe you I want to see you I want to hold you I want I want I want,

Even though it had always been about you I always wanted to be you,

I wanted

Toronto, 2017
(for N)

Getting out of the endless cycle
is what drove me to get out of it

I never saw myself as qualified
though some said I exhale excellence

I had never understood beauty in myself,
though I had always seen it as a possession of the envious

To perform in the language you speak
was to become my only goal

To sacrifice happiness for the fading scent of lilies and matches,
to throw myself in an abyss for the last time.

Paradise, 2018

I had always wanted to secure a place in your heart
Although you never gave me the keys,

I had always wanted to envision us together
Although you never handed me the camera,

I had always wanted to dream of you
Although you kept handing me the coffee ***,

I had always wanted to you hear what I had to say
Although you never turned on the stereo,

I had always wanted to see you again
Although you never left your apartment,

I had always wanted to know your favourite colour
Although you always wore black,

I had always wanted to be your future
Although you said you only lived in the present,

I had always wanted to stop
Although you had always given me the green light,

I had always wanted to impress you
Although you had never let me take the exam,

I had always wanted to live for myself
Although you continue to exist better than anyone else,

I had always wanted to die
Although you saved me for another day,

I had always wanted to live
Although you we’re constantly throwing the knives.

Paradise, 2018

I was front row to all your playful crimes
You saw me dissipate into the distance;
I wish you had ran after me with feverish want
Your harmful grip my favourite fading colour

"Life isn't fair," you said, though your mind was faithful
Though it wasn't god you believed in
You believed in what wasn't yours
Feeding on the sweet flesh of envy

We walked every universe together
Our undetermined destination approaching
I wish I could walk sixty-three more
But I couldn't find it in me to ask you for even one

Will you join me for this party for one?
Your mind hazier than old video
Your heart only an arm reach away
I will keep in touch

Paradise, 2018