I got out of the car that dropped me off at your apartment at 6:16pm and its grey outside and your apartment was a darker shade,

I felt so free though I felt so confined within the tiny space,

I wanted to leave the area but I didn’t want to leave you,

I have so much work sitting on my desk back at home but I prefer to just dwindle through the sheets rather than do actual work,

It is 8:32pm and you are making me coffee and you ask if I like cream and sugar, I like both and you knew this, but you asked anyway,

I asked for only sugar, and I stared at the circle of brown-black liquid beneath me, catching a slight glimpse of your reflection,

As I sipped, you asked me about my plans and my thoughts on everything from the Kama Sutra to my favourite shade of green —forest,

It seemed almost customary for me to ask for another cup of coffee, but I did so anyways,

The grey atmosphere made your eyes look duller than before, but it never failed to describe them as glistening in my diary every night,

It is 9:45pm and I miss you already and I haven’t even put my coat on to leave,

It is 9:46pm and I don’t want to leave,

It is 9:47pm and I find myself running out the door,

It is 9:48pm and I am freezing,

It is 9:49pm and I realize I have ****** up again,

It is 9:50pm and you tell me to stop checking the time that it won’t making things go faster,

It is 9:51pm and you tell me you’re not mad,

It is 9:52pm and I am back inside,

It is 9:53pm and I don’t ever see myself going home,

It is 9:54pm and I realize you are still right there next to me.

Paradise, 2018

I witnessed you spend the same amount of money on the same amount of things everyday, finding yourself more and more enamored with your capitalist obsession,
    To find yourself in a more peaceful position without said obsession was blasphemy, though I had found that in my discovery,
    You were able to live without it, though you were obsessed out of your own satisfyingly unique pleasure,
    Oh light, what have I done without you? You have spoken to me from the grass I step on to the grass I smoke,
    I found myself in the shadows day after day, longing for your calling though it had been there the entire time,
    Oh darkness, how I have found myself so familiar in your arms, your caress uniquely yours like a blanket made of a thousand dreams,
    Darkness, the perfect friend and enemy in my times of need, propping itself up and coughing all night long, never letting me reach the pinnacle of sleep,
    From the last revolutions of a record to the dimming light of a candle, oh darkness, where are you now?
    I have alluded to your presence only to be shattered into oblivion and thrown into the ditch of a forever-schemed insanity,
    To those who believe my notions saying it will get better, to those who say they are the inventions of my own,
    You, darkness, oh sweet, sweet darkness,
    You are the last touch of reality I have in the world, the sweetness and innocence of light long and forever perished,
    From the connections made in hell to the pact we made in the woods one winter evening, it is all there between us,
    Oh darkness, who shall I call to next? To whom shall I give the grief and burden you carry, only to siphon it back to me during every living night,
    Oh you, my sweet darkness, I have never longed for you more.

    Paradise, 2018