I am no great judge of character
Except to critique my own*

And maybe that is my greatest fault
That I see things in myself
That do not belong
And those that do cling to me?
I dare not let them go

We are so eager to **** ourselves just to be enough



...for a world that doesn't even deserve us

I try to stay far away from you
Because when we are together
It's like putting a toaster
In a bathtub full of water

If you cannot love me
For who I am

The broken heart
At the bottom of the sea

Then I ask
Only one thing of you

That you would leave me
Just as you found me

I do remember
Feeling that way before
Still the tension rises
Like bread out in the sun
I simply cannot forget,
The depth of this ache
Like a tooth ready to pull

But this tatse
I turn it over in my mouth
I do not savor the flavor
But I cannot spit it out

It goes down easy
I wish it would catch in my throat
And as it settles in my belly
It's weight familiar in my stomach

She is not kind.
She is demanding.
She is not forgiving.
Not does she forget.

Time and time again we dance
My feet know the beat
Still I weary as the music rises
Like the sun over the skyline
But she has no awakening
For she does not sleep,
Or allow rest in her presence;
Which is a blessing in a curse
For sleep brings the depths of my mind to part of my heart that it hates most, while the weariness of my body is tested,
on and on she goes.

I do not break
But I bend and I bend
Over and over again
And the pain of the bend
Clears my mind
Oh I wish that she were clouded
Like the sky in a storm
Rain on, rain on
I seek no clarity in this
I am worn
I am stretched
I am almost spent
Only the change in my pockets remain

Still you have no empathy
And pity does me no good

Oh **Fear that you would leave me

But I would hate to be alone

Oh Anxiety that you would abandon

This that you have made.

I cling to you
As though you were
The edge of a cliff
And all below me
Such a great distance
If I were to fall

I wish to let go
Of this ledge
At the same time
I grasp at it
For all that I am

These thoughts run
Through my head
Like sirens in the night
But never reaching me in time

I have no sure footing
Not a single leg
That I can stand upon
Oh how weak I am
In spirit and in stamina

What is this life
That I hold on
Why even try to stay
In such a ethereal existence
I am but a fool

My mind is filled
With everything that I loath
These memories that trace
Their stupid scars across my mind
Over and over
Like a beaten path

Only thorns.
You cannot claim roses
In this garden of rocks
In this garden of thoughts.
And oh the weeds
That you would pull them up
By their stubborn roots

Such a tangle is this
My life
My head
My heart
Like a sweater cast off the needles
I unravel
I am undone
All my efforts in vain
Again I say
I am but a fool
But a wise one at that

If I could make stars
I would not put them
In the northern sky
I would hold them in my hands,
For you to see such thing
Because if I cannot give it to you
I do not want such a thing

If you are not part of it
I want no part

Still as a small child
Oh though,
she had the biggest of hearts
To match her wide eyes
And to her
All the earth was wondrous
Yet appearances have great deception

Now she cannot,
Even see the same light
Her heart was touched
By cold, dark hands
Her body broken
By those sworn to protect it

And lies
So many lies
She them keeps woven in her hair
And under her fingernails

She sleeps with both eyes open
Or not at all

She walks with both feet
Upon the ground
But never with her head
In the clouds

And a knife strapped to her fear
To stab at her thoughts
As they try to run away

But into the night
She whispers,
"Do you know what it is like?
To watch yourself die?
To have little pieces of yourself  broken off and throw away?
And still make everyone believe that you are, okay.

I'm fine.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was sitting upon your shoulders? Because those who are meant to carry the weight, pushed it off, onto the frail shoulders of a child.

Have you seen it?

Have you felt it?
The hollowness inside, when everything that brought you fires of joy ... dims like a candle to long in it's burning."

Because I have.
I know many secrets.
I have traced them into my skin
Which is why,
Now.
I cannot forget them.

They are a part of me
This is why
I cry every night to sleep
Such a salty sentiment

But there is no rest for the weary

I have stars in my eyes
So that I can see in the dark

The only thing that I really remember about love is the ache of how much it hurts when they take theirs back and leave you alone.

it makes it's home with depth
nestled in the layers of my skin
there is no warmth or comfort
to be found in such a barren place
people take and people touch
and to you what is consent

you know and learn and teach alike
I see and watch and burn in light
I try not to lose myself
in all that you are and become
and that which I wish to be
you waste nothing
not time or emotion
while I scavenge for scraps of love
among the nothing that I am

it weaves it's secrets into my hair
just as it traces sweetened memories
into the swirls of my fingers and toes
so that it shall remain a part of me
even after long in it's leaving
though I pray it never leaves me

You are special in this way:
Unlike the rest of the world.
If a piece of wood breaks it is useless
But you, even though you are broken-
Love like you have never been hurt

Some people are worth waiting for
And others
They are worth waiting with