Two years ago you loved me
Now you love her
And I love you
I always have
I always will
Two years didn't get rid of it
Other men didn't get rid of it
It's always there
In the back of my mind
The boy that became a man
The one I grew to love
And I loved you fiercely
Though I know I never
Expressed it well
And was afraid of many things
That part was real and unwavering
Three long years
That turned into ash and dust
Because I let you down
Failed to make you realize
My love was there
And it was strong
So strong that every time
I forgot why I was angry with you
And just wanted to hear from you
So strong that to this day
You are still my greatest love
But I guess none of that matters now
You moved on and found someone else
It's been two long years
Without you in my life
I wish I had never pushed you out
And I know that I sound crazy
That's fine
I think I took some of yours
Somewhere along the way
Don't mind my words too much
I'm just a little unsteady lately
A bit of a wreck
Can't take me seriously
Emotions going in every direction
Body telling me that I'm sick
Though it's only my mind in ruins
Right
Here I go again getting off track
I can't say that I'm happy for you
Because I'm not
I wish things were different
I wish that woman was me
I'm not happy that you found someone
To replace me so quickly
I'm not happy that you're going
To spend the rest of your life
Making someone else happy
But I am happy for your happiness
You deserve it

I've known you for years
We were friends as first
But feelings grew
You told me things
I refused to believe
But I fell just the same
Scared to tell you
Afraid you would leave
For someone better
Or that you were lying
Took me a long time to tell you
How I felt
But when I did
It was the most wonderful feeling
To hear you say it back
And you scared me
How different you were
Than what I was used to
How open you were about things
That I was so shy about
Things I had never experienced
I was waiting for
It made me nervous
I thought you would get bored of me
And my boring life
I didn't know how to be
And by the time I had grown
Experienced things
It was too late
I had already ruined what we had
You were the greatest love I ever had
And I want to apologize
I never lead you on
Lied to you about my feelings
I just wasn't ready
For the love you had to give
I wish things were different
I changed
Grew up
Became someone ready
To accept the physical love
With the emotional
And I miss you
A tremendous amount
But it doesn't matter
I lost you
You're gone because I
Pushed you away
And I know apologies never
Meant anything for us
But I am so sorry
For every ounce of doubt
I put in your mind
Every bit of pain I ever caused you
And I am so happy for you
That you found someone
To spend your life with
I wish you the best of luck and happiness

Sometimes I forget how well you write
Until I see your words
Laid out before me
You always seem to know exactly what to say
And when I read those words
I feel it
Leaving indents in my brain
Pumping blood through my body
I feel it with every inhale and exhale
My heart stops for a second
Your words paralyze me
And I search for you
Waiting for the next rush

I check for your poems
Every month, week, sometimes day
Hoping for a new release
I remember how close we once were
And how everything changed
It used to bother me but
Now it's just strange to remember
How we talked for hours on end
Trying to hold on to something
That I think we both knew would never work
I guess that's just how it goes
My old friend
I'm just too scared to say
Hey. I miss you

You said that I would forget
But you were wrong
I didn't forget you
Or what you meant to me
You're not just some guy I talked to
Who said he loves me
You are and forever will be
The second man I ever loved
You'll always be part of my past
Intertwined in my memories
Part of what made me who I am
And I'll never forget

I'm watching you live your life from afar
Trying not to show back up
I don't want to bother you
Just make sure you're okay
Silently screaming
Sighing
I never wanted it to be like this
Pretending you don't exist
Hoping you'll never know I'm here
But hoping you will too
Hoping that maybe you're checking too
Lurking in the shadows

Here's to you *******
For not understanding my anger
About your naked body joke
Because you'll never know
What it's like
For grown *** men
To talk about you like that
You'll never know what it's like
To have a man you saw
As a second father
Say sickening words to you
You'll never know what it's like
To be looked at like an object
For the word NO to have no meaning
Here's to you *******
For your lack of understanding
You'll never have to know
What it's like
To fear going out alone at night
To avoid dark places
To wonder if it will happen to you
To be taught
That you have to be careful
A man might drug you
And kidnap you
Or **** you
To be taught
That you're safer in numbers
You won't know how it feels
To not be taken seriously
Because all he did was
Grab your ***
Even though you didn't want it
Here's to you *******
For caring so much

Honey I didn't recognize my fear
Until you invaded my dreams
I woke with new realizations
Of the fears burning in my heart
I never meant to do this to you
Turn you into someone
Unrecognizable
Make you so paranoid
You were never a distraction
I'm so sorry I made you feel that way
You were my favorite part
Your phone calls spreading a smile
Across my face
Hearing your voice
I can't apologize enough

First of all
I love you
Second of all
That scares me
I don't think I've ever
Been this in love with someone
In my entire life
And it scares me **** less
Third of all
It hurts like hell
You're so far away
I hate distance
You never know what's happening
On the other side
You never know if you'll meet them
Whether it be weeks from now
Or years from now
There are too many things that could
Possibly go wrong
With such a distance
It's not that I don't love you
That I'm not madly in love with you
Believe me I am
It's that I'm afraid
And I'm not ready for the distance again

Not a mystery anymore
Just a broken soul
Added to your diary
People read about me a lot
You write about me too much
I tell my secrets to strangers
Open my heart to people I don't know
Maybe I shouldn't be so open
What happened to being a shut in
I guess it disappeared
Not a mystery
More an open book
Living for Dummies

Sometimes I daydream
Wonder what it'd be like
To just be next to you
Be able to reach over
And hold your hand
Look into your eyes
Maybe see something there
That would make me stay
Hope you feel the pull
Just as much as I do
But it's all just a daydream
You're miles away
Lost trying to find you
And I'm here alone
Daydreaming about you
What it would be like
To actually meet you
Be wrapped in your arms
For the first hug
Hear your voice
By my ear
Maybe you'll say something sweet
And I can grin at you
Oh God these daydreams
Are going to **** me
One of these days
But I do it anyways
Let myself pretend
That you'd be good for me
And good to me
Make believe that you see
How I feel
That I care about you
Instead of being blinded
By your choices and ignoring me
Cause that hurts the most
You're too busy
Partying, drinking, smoking
To see what's in front of you
That I have feelings too
So here's to the guy in LA
Who's too busy being a *******
To notice me

I like you better when you're sober
And can talk to me about anything
For two hours just because
We're awake and there's nothing else to do
When you actually care about me
It's easy to talk to you when you're sober
When your mind is clear
And there isn't any tension or frustration
When everything is simpler
I like you better when you're you
And not some spacey ****
This is what I knew would happen
From the very beginning
I always knew
I liked you better before we met
When it was just me and your poems
Reading and reading and reading
Peacefully reading
No interruptions
Or conversations to distract me
I liked you better
When we first met
And I didn't know your past
Or habits of drinking and smoking
When everything was so simple
Just late night long conversations
I liked you better
When you first told me how you feel
I could believe it even if I said I didn't
There was truth behind your words
At least a little bit
But now it seems almost induced
By all the drinking and smoking
You seem to do
Or all the partying
I liked you better
When it was just us and our feelings
When we had those 2 hour conversations
And we got to know each other
The words were real
The feelings were even more real
I liked you

I've got some secrets for you
So don't go just yet
There's another coming soon
For just your eyes
Reasons and explanations
You need
Hear me out
With your fragile heart
And open ears
Understand why I've said
All the things I've said