I am so weird.
I am so natural.
I am so simple.
I am so different.
Because I forgive and forget but yet still forgive and remember,
And I give love stronger to the ones that hurt me, hoping they won't again.
So insane, another man would say,
Or like a Trini, "duh mad over no girl"
But I'm in love, at least I can say I feel it and show it.
So I am a looser for love and a winner for pain.
But I feel it deep in my heart and soul, so God so help me I know I'm sane.

I am who I am, I am what I am, I am because only I am.

Please! Be honest, comes on state your difference,
Are you the type to say, I'm different or I'm a different person?
In your eyes, are you the man who doesn't beat but cheats,?
Or don't cheat but beats, or maybe beats and cheats.
Or
Say you don't do both but at night you hide under with your phone with another person on the line.
Below the sheets.
I don't know you tell me and be honest.

What you have to hide, all those locks and not even me can't get the keys,
I'm not the type to snoop around but I'll know in time to come.
Like where those gifts, those stuff, and that hickey came from.
Oh yes, I saw it, oh ****, your reply, then you cry like the ****!!
You have the ******* hickey not me why u crying.
I know why, because you got caught cheap, and you're guilty and got none to say.

Stand up, open your eyes and stop fooling yourselves.
You hide your guilt when you do guilty ****.
But cry your ******* faces off when you fall in your own pit.
Yes!! The pit, of shame, disgust and regret,
Because it's like you often don't give a **** or.
Just liberally forget.
And you loose your mind, sit day and night and you fret,
But before you played innocent and did your **** behind my back.
Well, I'm here crying, but you don't care.
You ****** out your hole, hope you enjoyed your snack.

Look at yourself, you dumb, stupid or foolish.
Or deep inside you ******* mixed with all.
You rather a few moments of pleasure.
To throw away a life time of true love for
Some one thats all.
You're crazy, not focused and mentally ****** up,
To refuse a life with a worthwhile person,
Just to get you hormones topped up.
But say what that's your cut.

And you said you loved him or her, you'll never leave.
You're loyal, you're honest and all the above.
Then shove those words below the rug and forgot about love.
For what, he was charming and nice, she said.
Or she was wild and understanding, he said,
For a few minutes, hours maybe to lay in bed,
Get freaky, spread those legs and then go back to the ones you claim to Love?!

With thoughts in your head??
Thinking your wrong, your weak, no your dead.
Well, if you had the ******* willingness to
Go!!!
Smile, laugh and enjoy yourself knowing your boyfriend or girlfriend at home
Lonely as **** and with love in their hearts and missing you well instead.
Don't bother explaining, it's never a mistake but a choice and to me you look like you were well fed.
You're not different you're just as well as the Same!!


Now sit in shame and blame your games.
Sit and make yourself a better you.
And when you change hope karma, don't ******* in the ***.
And you get *******.

I don't know if I'm lost, or available at any cost.
But I don't know what to do.
Yes it's about her, yip the girl that tells her "LOVE ME."

What should I do?
As she lets go of one thing, she feels the need to hold on to another.
Bad toy stay for the entire family, then it's like hey brother.
It's as I speak in vain or she's just on her own beat.
Miss lead, books deed, my heart she continues to stab and ill treat.

Then I sit thinking like yeah, maybe she understands me at times.
Then here she goes again in pity, so stupid she hides.
Telling lies, by not speaking the truth,
And making decisions by herself hurting me, like one hand can't play a flute.
What should I do?

To be honest, I'm getting tired of it.
To be very honest, I'm trying to hard for her.
To be very ******* honest, I do all I can for her.
But say what. God is in control of our relationship now.

So I'm going to do me and let her figure out her and LET IT BE!!
If she can't stay focus on anything I say how she can stay focused on me,
Yup like every pain I take.

Feelings fade, memories replayed.
Drop dead in bed, dreams begin, so sweet I begin to sin,
Lust, agony, amazing love and abilities to fly,
Dreaming phases and in phases I can't die.
Standing in mid-air, light flare, eyes full of joy tears.
Never would I want to leave and I inhale the breeze then exhale and sneeze.
Amen! I scream so happy and prosperous in my dreams.
Never did I seem to unlikely have a Queen.
So beautiful so pure and clean as I imagine her on my team.
Standing on sand, the beach so clear and has a blue beautiful scene,

I guess it would be nice making her my wife, but it's my dreams, it's not real life.
Panic, demons interrupt, and I try to make them stop.
Get out, stay away, get the **** out of my head.
They laugh and reply saying they're not leaving until I'm dead.
So a battle to regain my strength, God and his Evil son at war,
Hearts bursting, earth filled with blood and bodies of many fallen angels with tears of claws,
She comes the she goes over the sun, rain and snow.
Tipping on her toes, because she doesn't want me to know.
Her love may not be mine, no not mine to keep, so I whisper to my pillow and wipe my tears in my sheets.
In pain no more smiles, the dream dies,
Exit in gun play, blood stains and marrow drains,

No one can help not ever her, not like she could anyway.
Heavy dents in a room called 666, with no air vents.
So many doors, hideous faces on the walls with an insane number of claws,
Like they're getting through, no maybe they're getting in,
In this dream at least, but why I feel it under my skin.
And I ravel, twist and I turn and moan because I'm not at ease.
Please oh Lord please I plea, rolling shaking in agony,
My Queen left, my dream crashed and now the demons is going to get me.
A sudden headache, so I hold my head and squeeze in my face.
I'm regaining strength, and subtracting void from my space.
Filling it with light, water and all elements to make my world where my Queen can come back, my dreams restart and the demons disappear at last.

I care, I can care and I don't have to at all. But what is it to care,
What is it to be caring and careful,
To care for someone carefully and not carelessly.
It's to protect, embrace and involve yourself in that person's life.
I care because I am still here,
I didn't chose suicide, or to become a criminal nor to be careless but to listen, reflect, and learn from my careless mistakes.
We can vare, all we have to do is understand what it means to care and start with yourself first.

I don't understand. Who am I? What am I? Am I alive or not or am I a dream. Am I an aspiration or a thought or a thing that I myself can't explain or explore. I don't understand what I was made for, who was I made for or what I was made to do. Sometimes I think, what's real from fake, what's right from wrong. I never understand whether what I'm doing is right or wrong, I am different from the others, I talk different, I look different, I act different, I behave and think different from all others and I believe that I am different from the rest for a reason. Sometimes I think about me and others canally. What are we, are we toys, are we a game, are we so kind of lab rat or a test to see what is to be change for the other set to come. Why were we 'Humans' created, for what purpose, to be who, to be what, to do what, are we all I a vision are we all an illusion are we all a prop for God's play or 'plan'. I don't understand. Why did he made us, was he lonely, and is he still lonely. Is he afraid of being alone, is he bored of being alone, or is he alone? Do he have anyone out there like him, is there any one like him that lerks out there. Who is he? Is he God, who is God, what is God,.... Where is God? Is he too mighty to talk to us, is he too good to walk with us, is he too holy to coexist with us, or is he too high to get our level. Is it because he made us, and feels that we should be in sin, why do we have sin, didn't he made us with sin. Because he knew we were going to sin, he knew when, he knew how, and he knew when and why and what time of the day. Or do he? Does he really know, does he really see all, does he love all. What do he loves, what is love is it real or just a ******* of a lie to be or to feel something that's not true. I believe and yet I don't believe. Because I see too much that came to past that made me think about my existence and why I was made. Do we have to believe, do we have to obey, do we have to love, or do we have to live. Do we have to do right or are destine to do wrong. Do we have to choose or what to choose. I don't need a vision, I don't need a test, I don't need a sign to believe. But I believe that I need a reason and a purpose and understanding ot belive. I find its no fare to be faithful and loyal and honest and respectful and obedient, for what, for who and why? I want to choose, I want to understand, I want to believe, I want to be me, but I don't know who's me. He said to fear him and love and serve home in spirit and in truth. I get so afraid that my heart literally beats faster every time I think about what might happen if I don't pray for the day, and when I sleep, and when I eat and what might happen if I don't pray for the things I have. I feel afraid every day and night and I can't take it any more. Is this the fear that he means is this the love that he means is this the faith he want us to have, to live in a fear of our lives just because he created us. Then they say that we don't have the right to answer or question him. But don't we have a voice and a choice to make, then why we can't speak to him or why wont he speak to us. Is he afraid to be wrong is he afraid to appear as false and a liar. If he is all mighty and powerful then why did he let sin live and why does he still let it. Why don't he destroy is all and enjoy the company of the one he created a little higher than us, why don't he live in peace and harmony with his watchers. Does he feel that lucifer will laugh at him for breaking his promise to man, or being weak, or being stressed out and unsatisfied of what man have become. If not why don't destroy us all, be mighty, be powerful, be the lords of lords and the kings of kings. Because I see no difference between you and your forbidden son or fruit. He is trying to prove man and you are trying to prove man, he's interested in the many he can take and you are happy with the many you get. The only difference is that you can live forever with out us but he can't live at all without you. He knows he going to die and he doesn't care. So why should we. Aren't we like him sinful and want to be like you so we creat our own religion and sect. Aren't we like him in a way that all we want is to be free and all powerful like you and live in peace and harmony. Or are you afraid if you make us like you we would over throw you or no longer need you and you would be back to square one, 'Almighty Lonely'. So these are my questions and I know they won't be answered, but they would be written down. So answer to me if we as the wheat live with the unholy then how can the tares become wheat and wheat become tares, why are we forgiven but the devil as they call him can't be. Is it his purpose in this life. What if we all chose to be like him would you care then, would you walk away and leave us to burn. If you leaveth your own son to suffer without a second chance then why are still here, why are we still forgiven, why are we still loved but he's not. Isn't he your son, then what are we to you if we are not appreciated be you. We are nothing without you, so why can't we be free for as long as we wish or is it that the time is closer now, is it that you chose to come now or you are impatient to wait for those who want to enjoy the freedom, their humanhood, their lives and their wishes in this world before there is no more of it. Please I beg you let me be, I will not forget you, nor your words, nor your teavhings, but I will always be conscious of who and what you are, because I don't understand? I love you and I don't need to see you, I have faith and the same applies, all I ask is the opportunity to be a sinner and a born proud one that you made me as. I am wrong yes I acknowledge it everyday I awake from my slumber and all I ask is to have a mercy on me and not my soul, because the flesh is weak but my heart, my soul is willing to serve you in spirit and in truth.

What's every man's greatest fear, is it death, is it, love, is it demons or is it angels or the coming of Christ. Is it girls or are they shy to speak to others, what are their nightmares and qho or what do they see. In this dream are they in control, are they possessed by an uncontrollable desire or being. What is men daily and nightmare and what or whom they go to, to assist with over coming it. Is it the dark, I remember being afraid of the dark and the voices that penetrates the shadows that look at me. But then I searched myself a little further and I realised that my greatest fear and nightmare is to fail. It's not a natural fear everyone will have or will expect to encounter in life. Because there are a lot of people that helped me reach where I am and are still willing to lend a helping hand to assist in my fight to success. I thank God for them and I appreciate it every day that I rise in the day and rest in the night. My fear is to fail, not only me but failing those who helped me reach where I am today. I am willing to learn for my earnings and I will never appreciate myself if I become my father. I will not allow this to happen.