I dream awake and work while I’m sleeping.
I sit on the floor and stand on my couch.
I open the window to let out the air.
I pour out my drink because I’m thirsty.
I eat the apple peeling and throw out the apple.
I wait till something is rusty before I paint it.
I shut my mouth when asked what I think.
I close my eyes so I can see better.
I scratch my nose when my *** itches.
I don’t throw out the bath water or the baby either.
I put my foot up – not down - whenever I’m angry.
I cry myself silly and laugh myself a river.
I don’t dig ditches, I fill them.
I don’t get thirsty, I just get wet.
I am never early and I’m always late.
I sleep under the bed so I don’t have to make it.
I am not an eager ****** – I’m more of a Billy cat.
I do my homework at somebody else’s house.
I don’t pick my nose - I poke stuff in it.
I don’t punch a clock – I wear it on my ankle.
I don’t have a wedding ring – I have a wedding rung.
I cannot sing anymore because I forgot where I left my voice.
I am ugly as a picture and twice worse than nice.
I park on the parkway and drive on the driveway.
When I jump out of an airplane I yell ESKIMO.
I fly on a plane but I’d prefer to be in it.

But most of all

I wish I hadn’t started this silly poem cause now I'm out of periods