Fingers do a resolute tap, tap
on leather sofa arm.
Eyes shift upwards as
she enunciates each word
“I should have screamed
more.”

No longer does she live
like furniture
in a summer home,
hidden and covered
except when needed.

Newborn screams pierce
her coverings
and erupt, signaling
an end to her pretense.

Weary of repairing
other’s battered armor,
she hammers out
her own dents.

Sometimes he let his eyes rest on hers, it needn't have been painful,
but it strangely was.
He broke a lifetime of avoiding eye contact to show her.
She was worth overcoming obstacles for.

Diving in the abyss
Of your blue eyes
The waves of love that
Had longed
To crash upon me
Reared up high
And gulped me

I went looking today.

I put on my red boots
and my blue pants
and I opened up the doors.

I went looking today.

I went through the parks,
the streets, the empty hallways.
I got lost looking for a lost you.

The crowd carried your scent,
carried me,
and I was six and a half miles from home.

I put on my smiles
and my cloak of courage.
My watch ticked away the time my heart drove my feet to you.

I went looking today.

I went looking for you.

I searched the corners of boxes,
under the shade of rose petals,
and in burning letters.

Because I had to.
I had to find you
before I lost my mind.

My bones ached for the home in you,
my heart refused to keep a beat continuous,
my skin began to come undone.

I went looking for you today,
only to stop before your door
and walk all the way back home

still in want.

If your voice could be injected
Or if way your lips feel on mine
Could be put into a pill,
I swear to god I'd never touch a drug
In my life.
If I could bottle the euphoric feeling
My mind gets
When your arms wrap around me,
I'd drink it, and be drunk daily.

And if I could bottle your disappointment
Or your despair
Or the way your face drops when you're feeling down,
I would be packaging the world's quickest suicide method.

In school they teach you
To watch yourself around controlled substances
And to stay away from peer pressure.
But they never mentioned the more dangerous drugs,
The ones you can't get rid of.
They never warned me about the drugs
With eyes that can see right into your soul
And repair a shattered heart
With just the feeling of its hand
In yours.
You are one of those drugs
And I am addicted.

Beautiful
Peaceful
Quiet.
They build vacation spots
And towns
Around me.
"Its inactive
It'll be fine".
Mysterious
In the way
That things are building up.
They visit me
And hold their breath
In awe.
And when I erupt
They run
As if they had no clue it would happen.
When I finally do
What I am meant to do,
They blame me
Call me a disaster and hide
As if they didn't know
That lava was inside.

If happiness is a choice
Then why aren't I choosing it?
If happiness is a choice
Then why do I keep losing it?
If I can pick laughter
Over the tears and the pain
Then why do I sit here
As they fall like rain?
If I could be lightning
Then why am I darkness?
If I could make myself begin,
Something other than chagrin,
Don't you think I would have started it?

When I'm with you, I understand
When you hug me, I have no doubt
I know you mean it when you hold my hand

But when I'm alone and self loathing takes over
And I think about all my insecurities
When I analyze myself in the mirror
I don't understand why you love me

The wrong eyes
Ignited
Butterflies.

A stolen caress
Disguised,
Denied.

Self- destroying words
Thought; scrawling,
Doubling, dying.

A love poem
Pens itself,
Redirection in desperation.

Because--

The wrong eyes
Ignited
Butterflies
Last night.