It's a private thought. They are not meant to be invaded, but
They were anyway. I thought you knew what my dreams were.

Every single one, I see a pair of eyes. Sometimes blue,
Sometimes green,
Sometimes grey,
But always shimmering.

It was dark and I saw nothing else. But somehow I could feel
Hands.
Gentle hands on my bare skin.
And a breath in my ear, whispering things that only matter
When said by one voice.

I could feel something that only one person can make me truly feel.
Love, fear, and a consuming lust.
Somehow, we were floating, but felt safe. We had the confidence and grace
Of cherry blossoms in the wind.

He kissed every ligament in my spine,
Returned to my lips and eyes,
And used his skin to cover my body, only for him to see.
He played with my hair,
He sighed on my neck and breathed me in. All I could
Think was "me. He is doing this to me."
He kissed my neck, about to completely connect
And make me feel more than I ever will.

And then I woke up.

I'm stuck
In the toughest moments
From few and far between.

Searching for something
      Searching for anything.

if my eyes were never meant to see the world
at 6 am, as the sun is rising, and my blood is pumping through my veins
so fast, I feel lightening could be replacing my cells

and if my lips were never supposed to meet yours,
on nights alone, with a lot of fumbling, and suppressed giggles
between words that were worse left unsaid

and if my ears were not placed upon my person, to hear the way
you laugh as I tell you stories, or to listen to you whispering weakened
'I love you's at 3 am

then tell me why I was born unto this Earth at all?

i saw a quote the other day
about emptiness
and how no amount of love
on this planet
can fill it
when it's sincere
and i couldn't help but think
of myself
as a black hole
gaping and bare
stealing kisses in the dark
and words out of the mouths
of babes
just for the thrill
just for the reassurance
that i am desirable
but nothing more

because he took
the rest of my capabilities
with him.

When I was a child
I got told my heart was the size and shape of a fist
so I grew up using it like one.
The masochism I have developed
caused an opening for something destructive
and you slipped right through it.
And unable to deny your sweet prowess
I granted your re-entry without hesitation.
I threw words at you
praying to god they'd hit you in the torso
because your empty chest cavity
needs to be filled with something.
My words bounced around in your ribcage
until it cracked one of them
and flowers sprouted out of it
allowing a place for the words to rest.
Wrapping my arms around your body
feels a lot like a snake killing its prey
because you don't see it coming
and when it happens,
I squeeze you until you give in.
If my heart had knuckles
they'd be ****** and bruised
not because of the beating its taking
but because it's trying to break free from my chest.
Every time you're near
it won't stop fighting my ribs
and now I get why it's called a cage.
My heart is an untamable creature,
relentlessly fighting for what it wants.
But i'm learning to forgive your ribcage
for being closer to your heart
than I ever could be.

I wear my scars everyday
on the inside and outside
and it seems like they won't disappear
it seems like they want to stay

because they only become bigger
by every time I get hurt
every time I'm getting offended
and no one seems to care enough

to make sure that I get rid of them
I just need someone
who'll kiss my scars
instead of laughing at them

Someone who will love me for who I am
every single day
so that they won't grow bigger
so that I can be happy

for once ~