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 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
I have seen myself in unflattering light,
Doing things that will surely mark this soul
Not proud, moments pride brought out
These may have taken place long ago
I'm not the same, different, better,
Still not perfect, no longer the purpose
I've learned lessons a time or two
About myself, the man inside,
I'm not honest enough to lie
Instead I'll throw around words,
barbed and deadly effective truths
I'll never spare you
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
She
Sheds love.
Void of emotions;
Me
I love with all my heart
Foolishly old fashioned.
My time is not,
Made of the ways I face each day.
I am not built
Nor am I okay with throw away love.
But she,
I saw her change.
Just a flip of a switch
And she walked away.
Differences.
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
Our Legacy is created when she,
Welcomes me then,
accepts me, letting me in.
Into the palace of all beings.
Where she, then,
Bathes me,
in a wonderful warmth
And she, loves me, she,
Makes me feel amazing,
She is so special,
Makes me so very grateful.
I spill forth and I am let free.
A ritual becomes complete
When she, then Following the pleasure,
She makes real now,
The very Proof to,
Everything, Legacies,
She creates this,
She is the way of things
Later it is felt,
and then later is seen,
She carries our future, she
Gives us our future,
Her gift is our treasure,
creation we will soon see.
Deeply beneath is the treasure,
She keeps safe, she carries,
A bid for kinds future,
she writes our next chapter,
One day she cries out,
She bleeds and provides all,
that ever should matter,
She births a Legacy,
A child arrives in laughter,
Made by her made by me
The way it’s always been.
Pray forever it shall be
As is the way to everything.
It is everything. Everything.
She is our Legacy.
With out her we won't be.
It is everything that matters,
Our Legacy, Comes from she.
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
In the end there is always Me
That man that stokes a dwindling flame
huddled over, in sheets of water
The end is always the same
I am that man against,
Tending steadfast
Stoking the lost cause
To keep a fire in the rain.
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
Brave Face
see me now,
Look at my brave face
I can be a charmer
Saying such nice things
Meant to disarm you
See me
I can be a liar
Saying the things
The real me cannot say
See my brave face
So patient and understanding
Hides the real me
I can be so unforgiving
Because I see now
I am not worthy
I am though
I am worthy of forgetting
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
To this mistaken face,
O' to know
about this... these,..
all of my confused moments
some of my questions...

Those misread smiles
innocent smiles,
and about contact
between eyes, and hands
and a few of the ways
that fate appears to be aimed,..
the hours I've spent, minutes waiting,
the seconds wasted in chase
following after a misread word
an error of epic scale
I mean, to imagine me,
imagine you,...
Now I disappear.
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
You,... flew away
tempted but one day after
to ruin,... less solid ground
crumbling to leave me
then this labrynth
all of its walls, memories
Vinegar and wine, salt and water
rain from cloudless heights
desert vistas, tear drops
forgiveness
what of you and I?
Over, gone, done, forgotten
why can't i?
asked in lonesome reflection
countless times.
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
Look up, I force my gaze up
I face that unwanted reflection
The hated man, the other half
Still addicted, Dependent on ****
The realization hits again
That I and Him, The same man
Night and Day difference
Pros and Cons I weigh
His motivation beats me to it
It is a sickness and I am sick
Of it of not wanting only to want again
Of being unable to manage
Everyday tasks and hobbies I loved
Creativity seems to visit
When it’s the good ****…
Again, That man before me now
******* this ******* mirror
He knows how badly I hate him,
He feels no where near the same
Content with his poison
But I can see it in his eyes,
He knows that it isn’t right
Will he help me quit this time?
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
You,... know who You are
And still I cannot move you...
As if the sum of this is nothing...
All of these dreams
Supporting just the one...
So many words written
To move o my the One
Outside this fraction of another...
Just pleading to be whole.
A gift, a promise, one for another...
From this one sided vision
Is it too unique for You to want it?
Does it matter I care
This is forever as promised...
And yet that as a thought
Truly moves only me.
Alone with my thoughts
Now that my words
cannot move you
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
caught up in the missing
all of the little things
the way that morning treated you
and every conversation
laughter, and that smile
those eyes, the lies
the closeness that i used to feel
your sweet, soft breath matching mine
the way you said my name sometimes
the time that went by to quickly
I even find myself holding out for you
caught up in the missing
it is hard to want anything
having had all that you wanted
and I did I cherished it
never took for granted
all the little things, your soft kisses
the promises and compromises
Every problem we ever faced
getting rent paid,
every goal we set and reached
the future you said that you wanted
caught up in missing
the way you changed
how you chose to leave
the ending and why it happened
the things I shoul've said
caught up in missing
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
She is, remains...
adorned importance
not seen as she is felt.

She is, fragrance
perfumes of blues,
purples hues, enticing.
bottled to be sprayed
by a chosen few

She is, stored away
boxed up in opaque

she is, ashes
all shades of grey
time and distance...

She is,...
            Fog At Daybreak.

by:jrfehlmann 12/2012
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
So, where now?
Where do we go from here?
When so much mistrust you've earned.
I want to know, need to know you are sincere.
And I to feel your love is real after all.
Don't speak, cause it won't happen with your voice.
It will not be words, woven into fantastic stories.
Because those lies, I've already heard them.
You are going to have to show it,
I'll feel it in your actions.
I'll know when it happens.
I'll taste the honesty of your tears.
If it ever happens,... I will.
And you will be happy, and content again,
I'll fell it in your intentions.
 Jul 2014
Jack R Fehlmann
Answers are curious things
When you don't know, you want to
Sometimes the questions they belong to are poisoned
Then there are the answers that cause more questions
cancerous, they multiply and the answers hurt you
Designed exponential
An endless cycle that will break and manipulate you
To no good end... never good
The wrong kind of questions
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