I suppose I should feel sad but I don't
You always put a lot on me so hard to say no
Oh and you know all of what you done
I wish I could say it was once but it was twice
Maybe even more the whole night was a real nightmare
Too handsy for your age, where is your wife?
You’re so gross, you snake, as you think you are making your way
I wonder how many girls you twisted to play your games
Now you pay as you watch years dissipate
Overnight one passionate day
I wish I could say I was sorry but I am not.

Meditation
Meditation is home
Meditation is a time of severe distress
It is a place to feel
A place to be me
A place where everything finally felt okay
A place where it was okay to not be okay

Meditation you know my heart and soul
Judgments could come my way but that would be okay
And for once I felt a smile form on my face

In meditation, I learned and noticed thoughts were just thoughts, and they don't define me
I learned about peace, one mentioned I would wake up one day and feel that peace within
That motivated me
So I woke and woke and woke up
Days would change and emotions would transform
But when I was here
It was the same but somehow brand new
I learned I’m so much more than my thoughts
Constantly active but could supervise my psyche

Meditation you know my secrets and fears
And the ground caught my tears every step of the way

In meditation, I learned a lot about pain
And how it could manifest in the body
I learned about breathing and how I could expand and really enjoy, soothe, and release

In meditation, I was in the moment
I could finally forget
And feel vulnerable even calm and free
It is the loss of control and willingness
Instead, it is bearing the unknown

In meditation, I learned about patience
Realizing I almost had none
And presence was scary
But how could that be?
I learned so much about me
So when emotions were high I could come here
When no place felt like home but here.

Last night I felt myself finally lighter
I felt the weight of hate leave my face
The heaviness of what you think of me soften
Feeling you noticed all my faults and defeats
But you couldn't look inside my pain
Not idealizing my delivery either
I sat under many words
Never rolled and never lived

And there were days I hid away my accomplishments
Feeling I couldn't share trying to make you feel less small
Body confidence down the drain
So I became one in the same
And I'll do all I can do
To trust myself again
To rebuild myself
To let you go
Thousands of pages, let's go
Pushing pieces together that were never meant to fit
Missing the mark
The old-age case of friends having a falling out
Only this one was ages ago
What else is there to say
But that you will never know what I have been going through

Wish you were more gentle and less cold
Move past the icy past
Yet I was so overlooked deliberately ignored by design
Apologies brushed over and checking out
Cause it wasn't on your time
Nice guys do what is told
Watering down feelings
That's not my reasons
But never knowing if I was on your good side
Tracing my footsteps to understand why
Slowly digging myself into a grave
You have many warped around your tears
You’re so good
Playing animosity like a violin
And I believed I was no good
And so easy to let go

A day on the edge of a break
I fought back my tears of shame
Couldn't really get a word in
I couldn't explain
I didn't know if you could see
But I was sure you all did
No one said a word
So convinced I was hiding it well
And well you said some warm words I will never forget
Still today always grateful for that fragile moment
And all of the unfolding even where I lost it all
Gaining myself above it all
So I'll keep sending myself roses
In hopes of softening all the hurt
To mourn the friendships
I felt I once had.

I spent a lot of time
Proving
I spent a lot of time
For causes
For a higher calling I guess
All I ever wanted was to connect
To find a puzzle piece that was missing within
Connecting the to this
Connecting to that
When all I ever needed was to connect to me.

You are so ahead of your past times
Not from this realm
More like a bunch wings always free
My love, you suffer from severe amnesia
You have already been through this pathway
Remembering your singularity
You are enough
More than enough
With mystical touches of mystery
You are an intuitive sensitive child
Moving through obstacles with style
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
Better yet, don't let anyone show you otherwise
You put in passages and the stance
It shows ceremonies of healing dreams
A dream of their disappearance
And your reappearance
Despite the manifestation
You are a sweeping force
Carrying yourself
Reminding yourself
The ones that got away
Rewind one more last time
Turning the pages
You got away

You may have held my hand for a while
But I hold my heart forever
The true balance of being tamed and instinctive
Finding the primal practice of soul healing craft
My love is all I need to feel complete
It is written into the stars and drawn into destiny.

Home is where the heart lives
I guess that is where my essence always stayed
In the thousand countryside catching the summer air
Composed of love spills out the little touches
The dawn days your always there
Open arms full of fondness snuggles
Your eyes declare true sympathy and tenderness
Oh with other words seem to get in the way
While you’re full of wisdom and appreciation
Tan skin in the sun oh how, you are so delicate
I adore meeting here with you
All of the worries of the upcoming months dissipate
As we grow it all feels more grande
Summertime fills the ambiance
Feels of silk thread roll across fields
Always playing’
Always attachin’
Lingering hips
“You are my best friend.”
All the calm in the world doesn't need lyrics to reveal
Oh how you are my daylight, and no midsummer is as warm as you.

Oh the truth
Is hard to be straight
So let's just let them assume
Until ends break

Look a little closer
The letters in between
Lay in postures and faces and time
With one look we would miss out on design
One distraction into another loss of attention
So look no further cause the secrets of life has always been beyond here
In between looks and eyes but we deliberately choose noise and little screens.

Don't tell anyone about me
I am our little secret
And if you do well, you'll just feel awful
Because I am meant to live inside you
I can exhibit fantasies you could never envision
Packed with terrors and bloodshed rifles
All of my darling things
I'm afraid you are mad there's no fleeing now
So I urge you to do as I say
Keep this secret between me and you.

I walked into that office wearing all black, an oversized leather jacket with a matching leather cap. Blacktop and black pants. “I’ve been having anxiety attacks, I had one yesterday,” I said. I have never known myself to be so broken like this. People aren't just born broken, they become broken from the mind, the system, society, the abusers of power. And it's not just one occurrence; it's multiple of them: some we never acknowledged the pain, some we become in denial about, and some we have forgotten. So, I came into that office tense, nervous and broken. And I kept going into that office even when I was scared. Every time it was hard, every time it was a challenge. But you know what it got easier. And each time I left I learned more and more about myself. And well I may have walked in broken but I left lighter and lighter each time.

Out with the old and in with the new
How long does it last until it is no good?
Cause as age comes I shine with time
All the awareness of here becomes clear
Until one day I become so fine
I evaporate into manifestations of loving designs.