I still feel you in my veins like a threat.
I still preach your words through my breath.
I blame the drugs for my constant heartache.
But you're to blame for my constant intake.

Rumor has it I’m addicted to drugs
Rumor has it I’m cold and give no *****
Rumor has it I can’t keep a man around
Rumor has it I don’t have both feet on the ground
Rumor has it I’ve been put away in jail for assault
Rumor has it I can twist the truth until nothing’s my fault
Rumor has it I used to be sweet and kind
Rumor has it he’s the reason I lost my mind

Stay away from me, don’t come here
Roses wither when I come near
I’m living on the edge of a knife
And everything I touch turns to ice
I promised you, I next time won't go back to who I were before you came around
But you know it's in my blood and my hands are tightly bound  
And if I fall into the water and once again sink down
Walk away from me and let me drown

There are a few things I have by my bed at night except for a nightlight
Benzodiazepines, amphetamines, antidepressants, and a crafting knife
It might sound a bit ****** up, but sweetheart, that’s the story of my life
To stay alive I sold my soul and paid a high price

My kisses always taste bittersweet
Bubblegum laced with amphetamines
My hands, are cold to the core and pale like snow
They leave a trail of broken hearts and suffering wherever I go

Coursing through my veins turning every thought deranged.
Increasing my paranoia and leaving myself changed.
He’s telling me a story but I’m busy watching life pass by.
It’s been about a month ago since the last I let myself get high.
Darkness is slipping through the cracks and I can feel it spread.
Creating figures in the shadows, and loud voices in my head.
3 am, it's a nice night and the wind is completely still.
When we come down from our high we'll have some hours to ****.
We have nowhere to go and it’s about half a lifetime until the next bus.
We just vibing while we watch the world waking up around us.

Saying “drugs will **** you one day” doesn't do anything but keep me popping.
I love to push my luck and see how close I can get to dying and I don’t see a point in stopping.
I believe I deserve to be foggy, on the brink of death, completely crazy, and always getting lit.
I believe this must be punishment for being me and I don’t want any help. So quit trying to fix it.
I love the way my soul is aching when the rest of me gives in.
I push a little further until I have one leg in the coffin.
Abandon the ship, everyone evacuate, there’s no wind in my sail.
Promise you’ll remember who I used to be when I’m dead, locked away, or stuck in jail.

I’m stuck in this headspace and it’s killing me inside.
I can’t stand being sober, I need to be either drunk, faded, or high.
I’m becoming the worst version of myself, and a part of me embraces it.
The other part can't stand this life, but I don't know how to really quit.
The pain, panic, exhaustion, constant highs, lows, and numbness are wearing my body down.
But I keep falling back to the same thing and I always meet a dealer downtown.

Poetry and Nicotine
Dull eyes on Amphetamine
Cold hands and colder heart
Build me up, I’ll fall apart

I’ve been told since day one “what you’re doing will leave permanent damage.”
But, I’m stuck neck deep into an addiction I’ve tried but can’t manage.
I know my will to live is tough, but my cravings are tougher.
They say; “the brain needs 8 hours of sleep every night to recover.”
But, I’m up binging for days in a row saying “**** it” while overdosing.
I lit another cigarette, nothing hit like being high and chain smoking.
I lose all of my self-control and I take more until I think I'm dying.
Until I’m sick and shivering and there is no point denying.
That I’m delusional and paranoid. It won’t take too long until I'm hallucinating.
Until I can't recognize myself or the world, and I get stuck dissociating.
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, I meet her eyes and I freeze.
Her skin is gray, with tired eyes. She crumbles and her breathing cease.
Stuck inside a body she can't beat, wanting to get free.
My eyes tear up and my heart stops when I realize she is me.