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 Apr 2023
Alexa
I still feel you in my veins like a threat.
I still preach your words through my breath.
I blame the drugs for my shame and mistake
But you're the one to blame for my poison intake.
~ A.S 10.12.22 ~
 Apr 2023
Alexa
Rumor has it I’m addicted to drugs
Rumor has it I’m cold and give no *****
Rumor has it I can’t keep a man around
Rumor has it I don’t have both feet on the ground
Rumor has it I’ve been put away in jail for assault
Rumor has it I can twist the truth until nothing’s my fault
Rumor has it I used to be sweet and kind
Rumor has it he’s the reason I lost my mind
~ A.S 29.05.20 ~
 Apr 2023
Alexa
Stay away from me, don’t come here
Roses wither when I come near
I’m living on the edge of a knife
And everything I touch turns to ice
I promised you, I next time won't go back to who I were before you came around
But you know it's in my blood and my hands are tightly bound  
And if I fall into the water and once again sink down
Walk away from me and let me drown
~ A.S 06.04.20 ~
 Apr 2023
Alexa
There are a few things I have by my bed at night except for a nightlight
Benzodiazepines, amphetamines, antidepressants, and a crafting knife
It might sound a bit ****** up, but sweetheart, that’s the story of my life
To stay alive I sold my soul and paid a high price
~ A.S 02.05.20 ~
 Apr 2023
Alexa
My kisses always taste bittersweet
Bubblegum laced with amphetamines
My hands, are cold to the core and pale like snow
They leave a trail of broken hearts and suffering wherever I go
~ A.S 23.11.20 ~
 Apr 2023
Alexa
Coursing through my veins turning every thought deranged.
Increasing my paranoia and leaving myself changed.
He’s telling me a story but I’m busy watching life pass by.
It’s been about a month ago since the last I let myself get high.
Darkness is slipping through the cracks and I can feel it spread.
Creating figures in the shadows, and loud voices in my head.
3 am, it's a nice night and the wind is completely still.
When we come down from our high we'll have some hours to ****.
We have nowhere to go and it’s about half a lifetime until the next bus.
We just vibing while we watch the world waking up around us.
~ A.S. 24.08.21 ~
 Aug 2021
Alexa
Saying “drugs will **** you one day” doesn't do anything but keep me popping.
I love to push my luck and see how close I can get to dying and I don’t see a point in stopping.
I believe I deserve to be foggy, on the brink of death, completely crazy, and always getting lit.
I believe this must be punishment for being me and I don’t want any help. So quit trying to fix it.
I love the way my soul is aching when the rest of me gives in.
I push a little further until I have one leg in the coffin.
Abandon the ship, everyone evacuate, there’s no wind in my sail.
Promise you’ll remember who I used to be when I’m dead, locked away, or stuck in jail.
~ A.S. 24-08-21 ~
 Aug 2021
Alexa
I’m stuck in this headspace and it’s killing me inside.
I can’t stand being sober, I need to be either drunk, faded, or high.
I’m becoming the worst version of myself, and a part of me embraces it.
The other part can't stand this life, but I don't know how to really quit.
The pain, panic, exhaustion, constant highs, lows, and numbness are wearing my body down.
But I keep falling back to the same thing and I always meet a dealer downtown.
~ A.S. 24-08-21 ~
 Aug 2021
Alexa
Poetry and Nicotine
Dull eyes on Amphetamine
Cold hands and colder heart
Build me up, I’ll fall apart
~ A.S 14.02.21 ~
 Aug 2021
Alexa
I’ve been told since day one “what you’re doing will leave permanent damage.”
But, I’m stuck neck deep into an addiction I’ve tried but can’t manage.
I know my will to live is tough, but my cravings are tougher.
They say; “the brain needs 8 hours of sleep every night to recover.”
But, I’m up binging for days in a row saying “**** it” while overdosing.
I lit another cigarette, nothing hit like being high and chain smoking.
I lose all of my self-control and I take more until I think I'm dying.
Until I’m sick and shivering and there is no point denying.
That I’m delusional and paranoid. It won’t take too long until I'm hallucinating.
Until I can't recognize myself or the world, and I get stuck dissociating.
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, I meet her eyes and I freeze.
Her skin is gray, with tired eyes. She crumbles and her breathing cease.
Stuck inside a body she can't beat, wanting to get free.
My eyes tear up and my heart stops when I realize she is me.
~A.S 08.07.21 ~

— The End —