Once again
You have hurt me

Crying
Shaking
Overheating
Nauseous
Losing control

because you
found someone new
and you blind-sided me,
didnt you?!

how could you not know
why I was angry
why i pushed you away
why we arent talking right now

how could you not know
im still in love with you

isnt it obvious?
i still love you

but you,
unlike me,
have moved on

its been over a year but
i still cant seem to
let
you
go

but now
i will let everything go
become someone you dont know

i now revert to
who i was before you

once again
i
go
numb

Spring bringeth back the roses I love,
But alas,
My love not bringeth me roses

So as the rain comes
With a sprinkle of sunshine
To make flowers bloom
I still miss that love of mine
Whom taketh away my gloom

Skies grow dark
As grey clouds cover;
I deeply miss my Park,
My one true lover

And if these feelings you shall ignore,
Just know this is
Sincerely,Eleanor

Are you okay?
What happened?
To you..
To us...
Our love.
What happened?

You became stressed
And needed space
So you left
And I'll never forget the taste
Of honey turned vinegar
As my body rejected
The sweet promises
It once thrived on..

You said you wouldnt leave again
You said you'd always love me
You said you'd marry me
You said you wanted
To spend your life with me..

Do those words mean nothing to you?
Did they ever?
Was it all just a beautiful lie?
Did
"Forever and Always"
Mean absolutely nothing?
Do the tears i cried,
The sleepless, hungry nights,
The months of grief
For love we once shared
Mean nothing to you?

Who are you
And are you okay?
You smoked away
The cells of your brain
So you didnt have to think of me
Or guilt or pain
That you felt
That you caused..
A get away.
But little did you know
That you smoked yourself away
And became someone i dont know

I fell in love
With the man you once were..
But now youre just a stranger
Who looks very similar
To the love i lost.

For you may walk around in his skin
Wear his smile
His clothes
His hair
But you arent him

I lost him.
I need him..
And i cant find him anywhere..

My darling
I'm sorry

I love you
I hate you
I need you
I fear you

You make me happy
You scare the **** out of me
I need you
Leave me alone
You saved me
Let me die

I can't stand you
But
I can't stand without you

Don't leave
Go away
You comfort me
Don't touch me
Stay
Get out of here

I'M BROKEN
YOU TRY TO FIX ME

LEAVE ME IN PAIN
IN PIECES
LIKE I'M MEANT TO BE

I don't deserve your
Warm
Loving
Caring
Heart.
I don't deserve love.

I deserve pain
Hurt
Suffering
Anger
Sadness.

Just..
Go away

I've never had what you give.
I'm afraid to accept it
because despite your promises, you might leave too.
I understand if you do.
...
But
Why stay?

They say that
When a symbol of love breaks,
The love no longer exists..

So today..
When the pendant fell
From its third new chain;
When your heart fell to the ground..
I thought
" you really dont love me"

And for so long..
I convinced myself
"I dont love you..
And I've met someone new.."
But

When I broke his necklace
To fix yours..
I then knew...
I always have
And always will
Love you
..even if you no longer love me too

But a part of me wishes you still do..

You want me to
Tell you,
Show you,
Explain to you
What is wrong with me,
What goes on in my head,
My past.
You want to understand
You want to help
You want to know the real me
Who I am..

The problem is..
I don't know either.
When you mentally suffer
Since birth,
You don't know the real you
Because you don't invent yourself.
You are too busy
Spending your life convincing
Everyone
That
"I'm fine"
"I'm okay"
...
but that's only the beginning
...
" Yes, I ate today"
(I think)
"It's a cat scratch"
(There's more on my hips)
"I don't know where the bottle is"
(under my bed, empty)
"Yeah, I slept fine"
(if you call 3 hours 'fine')

Lies I'll tell to everyone..
But you, love,
Are not "everyone", but
"Everything".
You are everything to me
And yet..
I can't tell you everything.
Not yet.
I will
When the time is right
I will
Tell you,
Show you,
Explain to you
What is wrong with me,
What goes on in my head,
My past.
So you can
Understand
Help
Know the real me.
And who I am.
But..
Until then...
Can you
Stay with me
Love me
Be patient with me
?

Shut.
Up.
Stop complaining.
So what if something didn't go right.
So what.
You can just shut up.

I'm a pessimistic optimist.
Look at the bright side.
At least you can see,
Talk to
Hold
Your Valentine.

Go shove
Your overrated love
Deep
Down
Your
Throat.

Choke
On
Your
Paper hearts
Overpriced candy
Flower arrangements
And wasted money.

It's just another
Greeting card holiday.

**** it, Hallmark!

Some people don't get to see their love
Some people have lost their love
Some people are alone
And some people just hate this
Stupid, unnecessary holiday
You.
Can.
Just.
****.
It.

Just **** it.
Because
If you really love someone,
You tell them
Show them
Treat them right
EVERY.
****.
*******.
DAY.
NOT JUST WHEN SOCIETY
******* TELLS YOU TO!

It's not love
If you have to be reminded.

Don't be afraid to express love.
So what if you care about someone
Other than yourself.
It's a change from some people.

•••••

Sorry.
Craving physical love
Such as the simplest touch
....
It drives you insane.

So go on.
Pay no attention
To this free verse
Rant of mine.
I just wish to hold
My intangible valentine.

2 hours.
A few stops.
Driveway.
In your arms.
We'd been waiting for six months.

Your touch.
Fingertips.
Hands.
In your arms.
Caressing each other's hair.
Lips.
Tongues.
Teeth to neck.
All over each other.
Worth the wait.
Today is my favorite day.
I love you.
I love you so much.
So ******* much.
I'm absolutely in love with you.

Soon.
You keep saying it.
Soon.
Soon you'll have the money.
Soon you'll have the right part.
Soon your car will be fixed.
Soon you'll make plans to come see me.
Soon.
Baby, "soon" just seems to be
How we now measure eternity
Because "soon" is never soon enough
And it's driving me crazy.
I said I'd gladly wait
As long as it takes
But days and days
Keep melting away.
Soon seems to be forever.
Darling, I'd wait for you forever,
But my heart hurts
And it yearns for yours
So much that I want to scream
And break down every door.
This feeling of want
Is impossible to ignore.
I know you feel it too.

Waiting is torturing us.
But we can't give up.
We're too in love.
I'll never let go.
I'll wait as long as I have to.
I just have a hard time dealing
With this overwhelming feeling.
I need to get it out
But it's not something I can
Openly talk to you about.
I need to let go.
Not of you.
But I do.
I need to let go of me.
I'm a tortured mess.
And I need to let go
Of what's torturing my soul.
I crave your touch
In our long distance love.
I'M TRYING TO BE TOUGH
AND WAIT OUT TO FEEL YOUR LOVE
BUT SOON JUST ISN'T ******* SOON ENOUGH!!!

I haven't stopped thinking
And dreaming about you.
I've never stopped loving you
And wanting you.
I crave you.
You drive me crazy,
But normal has never been my thing.
You are all I
Need
want
Love
crave
I need you
I want you
I love you
I crave you
Dear God!
More than ever.
Call me obsessed,
But darling,
it's true.
It will always be true.
And you'll never understand
Just how much I love you.

I wish feelings didn't exist
But they do
And they persist to ruin my life.
All this strife.
Just because three guys
Imagine me as their future wife.

How did I get here?
Keep reading if you want to hear
But please, no fangirl tears.

It starts in my early years.
I met him.
He was my best friend.
He was my first crush.
I was his.
I left for another school.
We hadn't seen each other since.

Middle school.
I met a boy my first year there.
It was infatuation upon first greeting

The second year I finally took up conversation with him.
I fell harder into my feelings.

The next year,
He was mine.
And I was his.
If only it stayed like this.
First love.
First kiss.
Our love was pure bliss.
It's what I will always miss.
And it was my fault.
I ruined it.
I can't do anything about it.

Summer camp.
A friend.
Later a close friend.
Now, super close.
Very close friends.
We know each other inside and out.
We're always there for each other.
Always.
Things went farther.

Everything caught up.
My kindergarten friend goes to my school.
My middle school boyfriend is friends with him.
Apparently, they're cousins.
My ex/ guy friend still likes me.
My kindergarten friend likes me.
My kindergarten friend took me to homecoming.
Later, the boys fight.
I don't understand why girls want to be fought over.
It was awful.
Later, my camp friend and I confess our feelings.
So.. things happened.
I couldn't be happier,
But long distance *****.

I wish it was only hours away,
But sometimes
Hours feel longer than days.
The days often feel like years
And I miss you so much that there are tears.
Time drags on and lingers
And as it does, you stay just out of reach,
At the tip of my fingers.

I am yours and you are mine.
You give me a feeling above Cloud 9

Unfortunately, we can't physically be together,
It will all be fine.
Just patience and hope will get us through,
My love,
Don't be afraid for I will always want you.
No one can claim me.
No can take me.
No one can touch me.
No one but you.
For me, it will always be you.

As I long for your touch
And the sound of your voice,
I reminisce on all of our memories.
The times we laughed,
The times we cried.
The times we became vulnerable
and threw away our shred of pride.
When we would open up
And tell our own little truths.
We'd share insecurities,
Thoughts,
Rants,
Theories,
Jokes.
We still do and
We've become so close.
We keeping getting closer
And yet, for us there is is such a
Far distance between

I miss you.
What's not to miss.
You're so..
Perfect.
You don't see it.
Sure.
Maybe you don't see it.
I do.
It's all I see when I look at you.
Talk to you.
You don't see what I see.
You don't see it because of what You've been through.
I understand.
I truly do.
But you're perfect the way you are.

Your dark hair.
Your soft, smooth skin.
Your perfect smile.
Your brown eyes that
Turn to gold in sunlight.
Your thin body.
Your sense of humor.
Your outlook on life.

And I love that about you.
I love you.
I love you so much.
You'll never understand how much.
Never.
And I know you love me too.
We'll always be there for each other.
Always.

People don't understand
The love we have for each other.
They never will.
We love each other in every way possible.
No one will ever understand. And that's okay.

We're caring people
Because of our dark pasts.
It's
Darker
Than
We
Let
On
Only we know the truth about
Each other's past.
Present.
We try and help each other
To a better future.

We're each other's other half.
But it's not like that.
We're each other's soulmate.
But not like that.
We're meant for each other.
But not like that.
No.
It is like that.