i'm so blue - Hello Poetry

Jul 2021

efni

sore shoulders

it's not okay
you don't get it
and your hope is
better placed
elsewhere

04.07.21

i'm not going to 'feel better soon'
but i'll just say "thanks" anyway

Jul 2021

efni

salty routine

i'm tired of the skin
on my face, parched,
because there is more
salt than moisturizer

i'm tired of sitting up in bed
to catch my heaving breath
then flipping over my pillow
before i can lay down again

i'm tired of choosing
between soaking the
backs of my hands and
dry-staining my cheeks

07.07.21

i'm tired of crying

Jul 2021

efni

about last night

she was assassinated
by her own corpse
and roamed tortured
as a ghost haunted
by her own reflection

11.07.21

how many times
can i lose my mind
before it's okay to
stop ******* looking
i don't want it back
i want it gone

Jun 2021

efni

my smile only lasts as long as i don't notice it

my cheeks dropped in fear
that my sadness would hear
that i am finally doing well
and drag me back to my hell

24.06.21

you call it paranoia and pessimism, i call it protection and preservation

i don't want to fall for hope only to be disappointed again

Jun 2021

efni

toxic

i'm never alone
depression is a zealous
and jealous lover

30.05.21

you hate me and want me all for yourself

Apr 2021

efni

maybe next time

the gates of my reassuring smile
closed before my words could escape
but it's okay, i'll just let them out
through my tears instead, as usual

02.04.21

timing has never been my strong suit

Dec 2020

efni

strong enough

I won't let you **** me
but I can't seem to get better

I suppose I am strong but
just strong enough to suffer

02.12.20

you dont live or die in limbo.
you just wait

Dec 2020

efni

graveyard of plastic troops

my mind's fist delivers unabating
gut punches rocking my lonely stomach
accommodating only small plastic soldiers whom
i often beg to choke me on their way to their losing war

01.12.20

empty pill bottles are piling up, why am i still getting worse?

Nov 2020

efni

waiting on a broken clock

it's okay that
time is cruel but
my mind is worse.

31.10.20

i could handle this waiting if I was somewhere else.
anywhere but here.

Nov 2020

efni

last try

even though my kettle was empty,
rusted, battered and broken
I tried to pour you my
best cup of tea

it was cold, yes, but it was all I had-
you didn't have to throw it away.

31.10.20

i wish i'd just left 3 months ago.

Nov 2020

efni

burning out

that wasn't a sunrise dear,
you set seven candles alight

and let your mind convince
you that you'd escaped the night

now you're choking on the smoke
and melting down with the wax

enough futile games, silly one,
it's time to come back.

31.10.20

i could find some more candles but i'm out of matches- and I am tired of the dark.

Oct 2020

efni

painting rainbows on grey clouds

walking on my
hands so i can
turn that frown
upside down

for you

15.10.20

i work very hard to make my impossible pain seem bearable for the people around me

Oct 2020

efni

nightmare mind

how can i escape my biggest fear
when it's the only thing i have
and i know how to do

how can you tell the ocean's waves
to not crash when they rise
and to stop being blue

10.10.20

failure is my biggest fear but it's all I know
how do i stop being blue...

Happy Mental Health Day <3