You hurt Me in the beginning
Continued Hurting
me in the middle.
After all, I Gave You A Chance. Although you deserved So little.
My Love was Given to You.
I Gave You my body & Mind.
I opened and gave you my time.
I closed and shut anything that will Get in between spending time.
What did I do to deserve this?
I Gave You everything I could !
Dropped everyone for You!
I centered You In
My life.
Baby you became my world.
After All The Disrespect and lies
I Invested all my happiness in Your life. Focused on How to treat you right. biggest mistake I've made. For You, The attention and so much love I Showedd You . I lost Focus on what was the main thing. I Abandoned the task that was most important & Should have been placed over everyone and everything.
I left my recovery behind .
All For A soul that wasn't mutual to mine.
Sobriety was most important.
I lost myself and never found me.
I never retouched connection with what was going to help me.
I was told not to get in a relationship on my 1st yr clean.
They warned it will damage and make Recovering much harder than what it was supposed to be.
Throughout this relationship I felt nothing but
sorrow & pain.
Tears and Frustration  
Dissapointment & heartaches
un explanations.
I Was destroyd even more.
I was tossed & played.
My Love has fade and I lost interest in faith.
It was a huge mistake.
My heart got broken
My Love lost its feel
I have no Wants
To be in love ever again.
Thank You "baby..."
For Contributing to my depression
To Teaming up and ******* my life Up like my addiction.
Team players, both got your wish.
I'm left Hopeless , I feel worthless
Yet I'm in need of your presence.
I fell inlove With A new love.
The feelings of being
let down, Broken, Crushed & ruined. Feeling unwanted
Leftout & Forgotten.
im Obssessed With Dwelling.
Replaying Scenarios Of my heart Being Stomped. I'm sprung on The Thoughts of being loved by no one because I'm not good enough.
How upsetting

Hey Love
Have you noticed I've been off?
different vibe, Different talk?
I've been Switching More frequently from A
Good to bad Song?    
It's The Drug.
It's Forming Its self back
to its old ways.
I Was to late and Should have seeked help before I consumed more. After every hit , every line
Ive been burrowing Myself.
Digging The real me far deep in my brain. This drugs insane and difficult to explain
. I don't want this. Believe I Don't like being an addict.
I'm just so far below .
I've fallen to my knees, my heart can't take no more.
So I decided Just 1 hit to relieve all The negative. Sadly enough I know I can't just do it once ..
I'm getting lost baby
I'm trying To save me but this is uncontrollable
especially if Your unhappy.
I can feel it getting worse.
Every time I feel mad I just think about the swirls. How 1 can Elimate The horrors.
I'm Scared. I can feel myself transform and I swear I can't control this

I've started.
Help me before I quickly
adapt to this.
You must do it fast, ASAP.
Once I'm on,
il be hooked on.
It always happens ..
I can't do one.
I need to do 2 Then fein for all.
I hate it. It takes away all the misery, my heart feels painless.
Which is why I crave this.
To feel numb and not mind.
Be in my worst, lost in lines.
I still feel my emotions, But they are slowly disappearing.
When I high I can't feel the sadness but I can still think it.
I cry but my body won't let me which makes me horrified.
To see that this Drug prisons the real me and Releases a lifeless me.
It's ok
I'm beginning to like it.
It sadness me that I'm back on my old ways
. They assum I prefer drugs.
They Believe I like being this ****** Addict?
NO! I wish to be Sober and happy. Feel Reality and enjoy every breeze.
When I'm high I'm nobody.
I live in a fantasy of no emotions.
I'm hooked on Not feeling rather than dwelling on past memories.
This isn't what I want .
This is not the life I'd like to live.
I'm only using to Forget All my thoughts and Depression.

I'm Not on.
Baby Sorry, I'm On 2.
I can't stop now

You Are Running out of time.
Save me Now.
Notice The Heart Aches.
Fix it, Cure it, Help it.
I'm Weakening.
I don't feel capable of Beating it.
I promise You will lose me..
Hope you catch me Before.
Before I Go farther in the boat.
& Get stranded And Tangled
To A Drug So powerful.
Once I'm Gone, I know il Be gone forever.
It will get ahold of me so quickly .
I will change rapidly.
My misery Will Get to me and Make the Choice of
What's best for it.
If I Fall
I Won't feel sorry .
I Won't care for You or anything.

Don't hate Me, Don't blame Me.
Please Don't Make me Feel Worse.
Don't tell me I'll never change.
Don't Assum I want to Continue being a drug addict.
Don't believe drugs are my only happiness and it's all I care about.
Don't leave me
Thinking It's drugs I prefer.
I Want To be Sober.
It's Just Really hard For Me To forget The Power Drugs Provide.
Easy Numbness And Cures all My misery and sadness.
It's hard For a Drug addict to Just Forget and Quit something That gives You An easy solution to Bad days.
Would You Stop Doing Something That makes You feel Better?

I Love You, but Im Sorry.
For Failing on Myself And Dissapointing You.
After 2yrs of being sober,
I Relapsed again.
I Couldn't Help it. I Had To Use.
Temptation Was Strong And I Didn't try fighting it this time.
I Didn't See A Point In Staying Sober. I'm miserable Either way.
We are always arguing.
You Are always Making me feel sad and hurt my feelings.
I'm Tired Of Being a fool And forgiving You. When You don't even deserve to be forgiven.
You Don't Treat me fair And don't show me real love and Affection.
Always at your convenience.
I have Always been Good to you.
Honest , Loyal , trustworthy.
I Don't deserve to be treated less.
I Wanted To Use.
To not feel The way I Do Anymore.
To Forget all The ****** up **** you done to me and feel  Numb.
Please Don't hate me.
I Hope You understand.

It Does Not Make me Happy.
It Numbs me completely.
It Helps me Avoid Situations I Don't Want to deal With.
It Turns me Careless & heartless.
It Cures My
Heartbreaks And loneliness .
It's A very sad thing.
to Not be Able To Feel Anything.
To Turn To Something So deadly that's Ruining Your life and Making Things worse.
Instead of Having the Strenghth To Reslove it Sober and still find and feel real happiness.

I'm letting You know now.
I'm Losing my strength.
I'm losing my will And Power To stay strong and remain sober.
I feel like I can't Do it anymore.
I just want to go back to my old ways. I Want To feel numb and not ever feel any type of hurt again.
Why Do drugs have to be dangerous.

You Are My biggest Trigger.
You Give me Many Temptations.
You. You. You.
I'm getting tired Of
Giving you love.
I'm Tired Of Constantly Being let Down by you.
We Are always arguing.
About things You continue Doing That bother me.
I Want To feel happy.
I want to smile and laugh.
All I Do is Frown & Feel down With You.
Knowing about my life And what I went through, You should be Finding ways to Excite me.
Not Break me down and crush me
Not give me reasons to hate myself even more.