To over come My Addiction
To find love in my self and belief.
I must leave you.
All I do is bleed by you.
The damage you caused will take too much and take so long to Solve.
That’s the truth and I Now Accept it.
As much as it hurts to believe
You Are my biggest Trigger and The reasoning to my Relapses involve u.
I wish you stoped And Changed the 1st time you did me wrong.
Wish you didn’t continue on.
It’s been 6 years and Through it all You Hurt Me sooo ****** much.
It is clear You will Do it again.
Please leave me
Before I lose You
& you lose me to drugs .

If I relapse.
Don’t feel hurt.
Don’t hate yourself or feel betrayed.
I relapsed to no longer feel the Pain I carry on every day.
A Lifetime Gift You gave me.
A broken heart.
If I relapse
It’s because I can’t bare to believe I really Experienced The relationship I feared.
If I Use
It’s because I’m so hurt I Gave You my all to get Tears in return.

How can You?
How can you think of leaving me.
How can you Feel yourself distancing?
How can you feel Unattended.
How can you feel loss of connection
How can ask if I still like you?
Accuse me of wanting Another ?..
I just don’t understand why you would feel I’m pushing you away and at verge of leaving me ?
How can the thoughts of breaking up with me cross you mind?
Complain that I have many issues.
Be upset that I’m difficult and don’t believe you ?
I just don’t get it . I can’t believe you actually question Yourself If 1.your better with out me or 2. You feel I’m taking to someone Els.
This is Just crazy .
It’s So disappointing how your placing yourself in that position .
Whenever You Feel That way ,
Please promise all the b.s You put me through. All the tears that runned Down my face. Abused drugs to forget and attempted suicide because my heart couldn’t take the pain.
YET The Betrayal Still continued.
You Still lie, hide And Are unfaithful.
How can you ?
Compare The pain you caused to The love & attention I gave you.
Never Did you Wrong.
Your in denial of how ****** Up your actions really are

When we argue and ignore each other. I always say dream about the life we could of had If I wasn’t an addict & you we were A faithful person. Knowing myself, I strongly believe I could have made you the happiest person alive. With My actions And Sweetness .
I daydream Of our life without negativity.
I always vision you happy & smiling.
I always fantasize of a life With You That I cannot live in the real world.
I truly love you. I always have.
I don’t understand how you can doubt that.
Don’t be angry.
Please don’t Feel hate towards me.
Don’t Feel betrayed.
How can you expect me to change?
Yes, you’ve recently behaved.
But I’m still Sinking In The Sadness From the past event that you left unresolved?
How do I move on if all my problems are not solved ?
The situation is to heavy To Forget About completely.
These were repetitive Lies
All avoided and You don’t see how all the hurt you provoked Has built up and anything related will Remind me and hurt 100x more.
You can Do something about it.
Yes I’m complicated.
But there is a way. I won’t tell you.
If you really love me, you’ll solve it. After all through the worst actions I’ve forgiven you.

You will never understand.
How deep You Cut me.
With Your Actions & False Promises.
I Gave Myself To You.
All my Time And Love.
I was faithful & honest.
I Tryed nothing but strive to treat you right. I gave up anything just to spend time by your side.
You will never understand
You Are My 1st love, You Are Forever Apart Of me.
You are permanently imprinted In my heart.
I will never spend that amount of time with anyone Els.
I will never give all my time To another like I Gave You.
I was always there when you needed me.
You just won’t ever understand no matter what I remind you of.
My feelings for you are strong.
I love You so much that your bad for me . All because of all the unforgettable pain you put me through. There is no cure.

I Don’t Believe You.
When You say I’m The Only one.
Stop lying to me.
A light pretty Face with Big ******* are guaranteed to prove your own self wrong.
Just speaking and thinking about this topic has me urging for a fix.

I’m Down.
Il take all the risks now.
Lose that love For A Pound.
I’m tired of All this ****.
Back & fourth Arguing  
non stop B.s
I’m Really For it now.
I can’t take this useless life of mine
Doing nothing but wasting time.
**** it **** it
Yeah I’m All for it.
Take The risks that dope life brings
I’ve had enough
I hate sobriety
Dope love Baby , come save me
Oh your mad?
I don’t give a ****
I feel no pitty when I’m on
**** your feelings cause Il be gone
Had 6 years To Show me What you promised. Instead you constantly failed Me and showed Me Your just so ****** disloyal & Not Honest!
Rehab Can’t cure me.
Il turn to the razor.
It’s not Drugs I want
It now death i crave

9/23/17Idk What to feel Right Now.
I'm officially crushed.
Everything around me Is Fallen.
Dieing/dead/rottening.
I'm in deeep depression.
This isn't me. Where's my love for my pets? No where.
When he broke my heart, he broke everything around me too.
I've never been this sad in my life.
I've never been this sad in my life I just can't believe it. I can't believe anything I'm in shoxk
Idk idk good bye sobriety
I just want drugs to cure me
I want no help I need nothing
I'm lost in my head for being so forgiving. I lost all happiness
I don't hate or love nothing it isn't even The Drug . It's me, it's been me. I'm so tired of feeling sad and hurt. I've done nothing ****** Up enough to be blamed for.
This was another open door for me to realize what he's worth for.
Nothing baby , he isn't ****.
For him to really have told me he works and has **** to do broke me.
He has time for others, he has Time to conversate  with a group.
When it comes to me ?
He's tired
He's the reason my Bunnies are not being cared for properly
He broke my heart and crushed the little happiness in me
Where Are the drugs? I just want to get lost and go to another dimension where only I understand and no ones in my way To judge or Hurt me in any way.
I lost all hope
I don't know anymore
All I Want is to get High and never come back
Never experience reality again
I'm tired of it all
Thank you baby for officially taring me apart

This Is Not a Joke.
My addiction is no Comedy.
It’s A serious problem That’s affecting My life
& everyone around me.
It is Not the same Like in the beginning.
When Conversations Of “Getting Lit & Being On one” Were Looked As Funny.
Where I Talked Constantly About Loving this Drug And being induced.
**** Jokes Arnt hilarious Anymore.
As I Now Am The Joke.
I Can No longer Speak About crystal Like I used to.
“LOVELIT” Turned into “HELPME”
“DOPESPRUNG” turned into “ITSNOTFUN”
“BABYLOVE” Turned into “SAVEMESOMEONE”
I Got hooked Blindly.
Although I Speak Of Wanting To Be High Forever, I’m lieing.
It’s hard to explain
Just know, I Do want sobriety.