In forgetting a five minute act
Six hours condemned to discomfort,
The irritation upon my face
Will not fade until scratched away
And here I have no blade,
No sharp edge to free myself
From the torture of this body
That will not stop hurting me
Until I break it
And am reborn from its remains

They grew within our ranks
Nurtured into strength
Turned traitor
Biting back
Chaining me to their ideals

They maimed my skin
Their strikes precise
Piercing pain,
Digging deep
To bleed my heart dry

The air filled with smoke
Choking my lungs
Aching arteries,
Poison pumped
To steal my breaths

The barrel pressed against my skull
******* on the trigger
Trip twitch,
Fated fuse
And they'd destroy me:

Their home,
Their Earth.

Is it a crime to dream
When such fantasies are unreachable?
When perfection eludes reality
Should I reach for it even so?
Only to punish myself,
When the inevitable flaws
Of existence bleed through.
So instead, should I
Concede to fears
And hide my hopes from view?
But when have I
Allowed crimes or logic
To disrupt my course?
Perhaps. just once more,
I can dream pure.

I lost my childhood,
I lost those days of running
Outside and playing in the summer
And dancing in new dresses.

I'd have them back
I'd grow up again,
Lose those inhibitions I built up
To be that little girl.

But if I did,
Who would I be?
Some shadow of the human who sits here
Typing at half-past midnight
To spread some message of
I-don't-know-what-but-it-matters?

Could I give up myself,
For such material hopes?
No.
What if I'd never met
The angels and guardians
Who showed me how
Love works?

I have lost my childhood,
I can't get it back,
But I will grow up even so,
From a scared little girl,
Into the woman I was meant to be.

We sat across, hands held
And told each other our past
And I admitted to myself
My failings, my fear,
And cried in her arms,
Releasing the panic,
Letting her voice soothe me,
Her closeness ease the trembling
That takes over me so quickly,
She says I can love,
She says I must love myself,
That I matter,
And then I knew for sure,
Where my shattered heart lies.

My body reminds me of its own
Hatred for itself
A searing pain spreading up
From between my legs
And burning up my chest
Screaming within my lungs
And tightening every muscle
Almost to spasm.
Tearing me away from
Even the slightest smile
And dragging the corners of my lips
Downwards
Further
And my mind is:
Red, dark, sharp, frantic
Angry at life.
I beg it to stray but
Material distractions
Are weak.

Okay
Listen to me now:
This is my political address
But I'm gonna talk to you now
Like you're all my friends
Because if we're gonna make it through this
We're gonna have to look out for each other in the end.

First thing's first,
let's set the record straight
It doesn't make a bit of difference
if you're straight or gay
And it really doesn't matter
from which country you originate.

And whichever god you pray to,
It's not okay
to sexualise a body or normalise ****.

And if your love for your children
depends on who they love,
then you've got your parenting wrong.

This is my breakout:
The jailbird has lost her chains
She will not stay in her cage
For one more day.

This is our breakout:
The lady's not in the lake
She's fighting blade to blade
To make her own way.

I wish I could say this will be easy
I wish I didn't have to talk
I wish I could say things will get better
But they won't be 'til rights are rights for all.

I've got these itchy feet and they don't want
to stay on the ground
I want to fly, I want to free myself and
burn the house down
And when I'm done I will stand in the wreck
And I'll scream all the words that come into my head

I'm screaming:
Had enough of "Please stop staying up so late"
If I went to bed I couldn't sleep anyway
with all the pain, all the tears
all the blood I've bled
I can't wait for the first hit to reach my head.

Inject the celebration
In our veins: the elevation
Stop bringing me down

This is an offering -
Of no expected return,
No bargain, no barter,
No deal, no debts,
Here: take my words.
All of them.
They are yours.
If nothing feels better, I want to make that last
So these words can rest in your mind when it's dark,
Rest in your hands when you're shaking,
Or your heart when it's breaking.
And when you run out -
I'll write you more.

Freedom tastes like a cold night,
A freshness,
A new way to live without light,
And above me stars,
Like angels whispered into being,
Guardians to keep me safe
And keep my heart beating
In time with my soul that I've searched for
And lost
That's been churned up and spat out and now I know the true cost
But that debt was paid
Long before I fought with the blade
Because the truth is
This pain was almost all self made
And by opening up to change
I'm not excusing the blame
Of the people who hurt me
Because the best way to get back at them
Is going back to being happy
So now I'm ready,
I'm not a little boy anymore,
I'm a girl trying to find my way to the surface
And I know that this
Won't be too easy
It takes more than long hair and silicone ******* to love my body
But it's a start and the first step along a storm-filled journey,
That will take me from boy to girl to a woman who's nearly thirty,
And I can't know right now
How many problems it'll solve
But one solution at a time
I can stay the execution in my head
Every time I saw my reflection until now it said:
"You're messed up, you faker, now go back to bed"
But now in that same mirror
I see the glimmer,
Of a figure I don't want to let go.
The light's returning
My heart is burning with a new flame
And a new name
And May Sara's gonna take this stage
And when she stands and sings her piece
It's about more than a show it's about a peaceful release,
A peaceful end,
A peaceful restart
A peaceful exit,
And a peaceful new part,
An act two, after an eventful beginning,
And you know what, this time,
Truth and love are winning.

Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
Come on, behind the lies,
Lies the true me.
Is there something in my gaze?
A haze, a dreaming
Just a teenager staring at space?
No! I'm screaming!
Don't you hear the cries
Rattling in my mind?
I'm helpless and hopeless
And lost - but defined and
Undermined by my own fear,
Holding hate near,
I want to rip off these clothes,
And shout "Yes! I am here!"
But I can't do that,
Can't let them see my faulty genes,
See these jeans and coats
Keep my mind off the fact
That every day I'm living,
I'm living like I act,
A part to play,
A play to show,
A show to stop
Me having to stand out,
For so long I fell foul
For so long it felt wrong
And now these howls
Of pain feel like a swan song
I'm falling, fallen, faded
Forgotten who I am
But when the spotlight turns off -

Breathe.
Sigh.

There a few things more beautiful
Than an English sunset,
As the pale yellow streaks across stone-walled fields,
Perhaps a squirrel will pop up its head
Or some bird silhouette itself amongst the sky
Before landing softly upon
A tired old oak,
One side shining as the sun's light
dips lower.
And the pale blue goes to purple,
And yellow to orange,
And ducks behind the hill across
The ancient valley - unchanged for so long.