Sometimes I feel useless,
Because I do too much.

I try to be part of everything,
But I end up falling behind,
The specialists.

They devote all their attention,
On one thing.

But I devote my attention,
A million ways and end up,
Burnt out with nothing to show for it.

Decision reversed,
In a split moment,
The balance shifted,
Past the line,
Until it tipped,
And flipped,
Sides.

Was that a whisper on your neck?
Just a breeze?
Was that a hand on your arm?
Just the chill?
Oh! Was that a noise behind you?
No, just your imagination?
A footstep perhaps?
Oh, you're running now?
Are you scared of a little noise?
Looking behind you too?
Was that something moving?
A shadow?
Or something else?
Or someone?
You're really scared now aren't you?
Oh, you're going home?
You'll be safe there, won't you?
Wait...
Did you hear something?

A cooling fan whirs,
On my weary laptop,
Sat on my lap as I rock,
In the rocking chair.

I'm frantically typing,
Frantically writing,
With anger and passion,
While all others sleep.

I switch on the light,
With the light switch,
And stretch out my arms,
And close my eyes.

I block out the light,
I just created,
And whisper a gentle prayer,
To the God I know.

I tell God I'm scared,
Of scary things,
And I'm hurt,
By painful things.

I tell God I cry,
When I feel sad,
Because people are cruel,
And say I'm sick.

I tell God all these things,
That they already know,
But I know they're important,
So I keep talking.

I talk about people,
And things that are wrong,
And whether I'm one,
Of those people who are wrong.

And then I look at the time,
And my thoughts are all gone,
Because I suddenly feel so tired,
Because I need to sleep.

So I stop rocking,
In that rocking chair,
And take the laptop,
Off my lap,
I turn off the light switch,
To switch the lights off,
And I leave the room,
Close the door,
Go upstairs,
And sleep.

I run away
so many        times and
reach out to           be who I am
to get a little         closer to the truth
closer to                         genuine smiles
that once shone                   from my lips
and for once be happy         but I always
end up having to       hide away and
so many times    I find myself
back         where I
started

Perhaps I'm too young to understand,
Perhaps I'm a hipster,
Or a rebel,
Or an idiot,
Perhaps I see things from the wrong angle,
Perhaps I've been lead astray by propaganda,
Perhaps I'm just causing trouble,
Perhaps I'm insecure,
Or angry,
Or foolish,
Perhaps I get in the way,
Perhaps I don't think about the consequences,
Perhaps I make bad calls,
Perhaps what I say makes no sense,
Perhaps everything I stand up for is false and invalid,

But you know what?
I couldn't care less.

I'm tired,
But I fight it,
I struggle with my head,
I occupy myself,
To keep my weary eyes open,
Long enough to convince myself,
I won't dream too much,
Long enough to believe,
I'll make it,
Without descending,
Slowly but surely,
Into my own hell.

There are times I wonder,
If the twisted imaginations,
I hold so dear,
Will one day be more than stories,
But then I realise,
They were real first,
But I banished them,
To live within fictional worlds,
Where they can do no more harm.

I am complete,
For once,
For the first time,
The person I see,
And the person other people see,
Are the same,
At least for a while,
And I'm so happy.

How far would I go to save you?
How many risks would I take?
How much would I give up to make you smile?
How many lives would I sacrifice for just one?
For just yours?

As far as it took, it would be worth it,
As many as it took, it would be worth it,
As much as it took, it would be worth it,
All those sacrifices, it would be worth it,
For you.

I met you today,
With you I am complete,
Relaxed,
Free.

I've been waiting so long,
But finally you're here,
And I'm happy,
Content,
Comfortable,
Me.

My words do not fear,
They speak without hesitation,
Onto the page.

My words do not hide,
They never avoid truth,
But reveal so much.

My words do not fade,
In the shadow of greater power,
They remain firm.

My words are not in chains,
They will never be enslaved,
Even when my heart is locked away