The cracked stones I step on,
By time forced apart,
The roads that I walk down,
Reflect my broken heart,
The places I once loved just make me,
Want to go back to the start,
When the stones and roads you walked on,
Were as precious as art.

The time that passed,
May have made me change,
And after years and months,
I know I'm not the same,
But a piece of my soul,
Will always remain,
Untouched, unbroken,
Where she will stay.

Her eyes will not leave the back of my mind,
Not for long,
But that's okay,
She opened mine.

The clouds are purer white, and spread across the sky,
The sun can breathe a gentle hush of hope into my eye -
A simple hint that this
may be more than just a glimpse,
That I may see the spring and summer again before I die.

But when the days are bright, I feel worse come the night,
When the sun has left me all alone to trust my straining sight.
The shadows in my room,
The closing sense of doom,
I have no spirit left to fight and no way left to keep the light.

So though the air is pure, and birds are singing for
the end of winter, start of spring, there's no way to be sure,
That I will make it through
to see another June,
Or that I will not end my evening by bleeding on the floor.

Lying on my back
Watching the stars
In the raindrops on my window
And seeing an infinity
Of darkness but knowing
I am tricking myself
Into some deep hidden wish
That there could be another
Universe within our own
One that no-one else would know
One where I could be alone
And gaze at the stars
For hours
Alone.

In the glint of a mutilated,
cannibalised razor head,
A promise: Release.

But no comfort is found
in the bent, brutal metal
that breaks the skin
of an already broken girl.

"You're always on your phone"
Talking someone out of suicide
"You're up too late"
Talking myself out of suicide
"You write too much"
To let the pain out
"Make time"
Where from?
"Focus on school"
*What about my happiness?

Death and endings
and broken friendships
fill those paperback walls.
Fear mixed with love
and running and crying,
ink's running as fast as tears fall.

Hope and twists
and unexpected diversions
are twisting my mind back and forth.
Other lives and dreams
and innocent bystanders
are pointless as I matter more.

Why was I chosen?
Why my voice and mind?
Why must my life be broken as I watch the world unwind?
Whose hands on the strings?
Whose story do I tell?
All I know, I must show you, and you must listen well.

How can I be there,
When not a single feather grows on my back?
And my lungs are not strong enough?
I cannot fly nor swim,
Such a distance without wings nor gills.

To me the stars seem closer,
As if travelling across light-years and back,
Would be quicker than to cross the ocean.
After all, neither can see the other,
But we both gaze at those distant lights.

Were I to fly or swim to meet her,
What would I say?
What would she say?
Perhaps it would not matter,
After all, for the first time,
We could marvel at the universe from the same angle.

And words would not be important.

Squinting between the rushing bodies,
for some way to go,
some place I know.
But still I'm alone,
afraid, breathing
too fast, my
heart beating,
too fast, the
crowds moving,
too fast, and
pushing too
hard. I don't -
I don't know where I am. I -
I don't know where I'm going. I just -
I want to go home now but I don't know -
I don't know how to get there. Please won't
someone help me?
Anyone?
Please.
No use.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
I can't smile,
It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
I can't feel safe,
I'm just not sure quite where I belong.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
It sounds as though,
I've given up all hope of light.

Because I'm sorry, but sometimes,
Words cannot drag me free,
From the unending, pain-filled night