I sit at my laptop,
A strange sense of purpose,
As my fingers hit the keys,
And for once I feel as if I could write of simple things,
Smiling things:

The music in my ears,
Sending me into dance,
Singing along to words I hardly known,
Written for someone else but still mine in this moment,
And without fear I let the sound rock my whole body,
Filling my lungs so deep they burst.

The flowers in the field,
Some child in the sky flicking a paint brush of bright yellow,
Sending shining drops across the green.
How the wind ripples through them,
A wave of some forgotten tide that loved the land too much.

The stories in my head,
Faces I don't recognise but will love before long,
Places I've never seen but feel like home,
Air I can't breathe that keeps me alive,
Universes flowing like rivers from my mind.

Drops drum against my window,
And trickle onto the page,
They long for my attention,
For me to put grey skies,
Fine mist and moody tears,
Into yet another poem.

But who am I to argue?
The gods are drumming on my window,
They're asking me to notice,
And I have,
So I must,
As down the valley summer flowers,
Are battered by the sky,
Force-fed vital water,
In bursts and steady onslaughts,
Until the ground can take no more,
And the Earth cries out:
*Stop

Writing over,
The words I last thought
Meant something.

They blur beneath these,
Punctuation in. the wrong places
That. I couldn't quite erase.

My new idea is unclear,
Messy, chaotic,
It will not merge with what I thought,
Meant something.

Will this mean anything?
Or will these words do no more
Than mess up the next lot?

My mind won't.
Hold.
A thought for.
Than a second.

I can't keep.
Eyes focused on.
I need to.
To work it out.

How can I.
Try to think.
Nothing seems to.
Sense it just.
Fit together anymore.

Walk the line of crazy,
Dip a toe into insane,
Dance when there's no music,
Play out in the rain.

Ignore the normal and find,
A new pattern to become,
Discard the path,
Walk across the grass - Run!

Be intoxicated by the smell,
Of the air in summer,
Smile at clouds,
Break traditions,
Be free.

A businessman sits at the head of a table,
Putting money in the *** for a simple card game,
He gestures: "Come on! The odds are are yours."
As he makes sure they aren't.

A friend of the man sits next to you,
Buying drinks, giving 'advice',
"Go on! Up your bet," he says,
"You're bound to win soon."

The owner of the place, noticing this.
Comes over to check for fraud,
The businessman slips him a cheque,
And all is in order.

At the end of the night, having lost it all,
You stand and start to leave,
The businessman gives you one coin and says:
"If only you were good at this game."

Trying to find some meaning,
In a language I don't know.
Shuffling direct truth to tease out emotion,
From stale words to blood-filled bursts,
Of overflowing hearts,
And tear-soaked dreams,
Of glistening eyes.

Here we go again, Here we go again,
Cycles have an end, All things have to end,
All except for you, reflected in my heart,
But why do you smile while I cry?

I try to hold back the tears though you’re not here
But still they will fall - because they're all I have left to offer to your shrine.
I know it had to end but I can’t tell if I would rather live or have to die.
I’m longing for the fire in your eyes - I will burn bright and keep your flame alive.
I’ll keep your heart beating with mine,
I can’t let this flat-line.

I promise I’ll be with you now, I don’t know how I could leave before eternity.
I can’t hold back the tears another day! The years won’t take away my memories.
And now the things around turn to colour as I hear your last words again:

“Don’t let your heart fall, I’m still here, I will always be near.
I could never be far from your side: remember me”

You asked me if I would hold you in my arms,
As you began to fade and your strength began to fail,
But even as your eyes lost their final light,
There painted on your lips: one final smile.

If I tell the truth, all I really want
Is to walk with you again and feel the warmth of your hand.

I’m holding back the tears though you’re not here and still I can’t stop staring at the sky.
I thought it couldn’t end but I was wrong but still I'm searching for you in every star.
Yes, I know that only infinite things can burn so bright without fading to the past.
But I still want to save you,
So my heartbeat’s for you.

I wish I could go back and find when “I’m fine” was spoken as honest as your smile.
So pointlessly I keep holding your fingers though they’ll never close around mine.
The days that cannot come back might somehow keep your lips from turning blue.
So I deny it all to save you,
When eyes closed, you’re still you.

And your imprint will always remain in my soul.

Flowers that bloomed on the other side
Are hardly as pure as breath in your lungs -
Breaths which now have ceased and faded as you sleep.
Still your smiling face, blossoms into life.

“Thank you,” I told you, as if everything was fine
Just another day... Just another day.
I’d never really known the meaning of “Goodbye”
But now my heart stands still, and crumbles in my hands.

If I tell the truth, it was all because I want
To hold you hand again and feel the warmth of your smile.

How can I hold back tears when you’re not here while still I can’t stop searching for your eyes?
I thought it couldn’t end but I was wrong - now my forever’s broken on the ground.
Why can’t I see that fire in your eyes? It burned so bright and smouldered out so fast.
And I still don’t know how to save you -
Now one heart beats for two.

I wish I could turn back the time to when “I’m fine” could still mean more than just a lie.
I never want to let go of your fingers, but now they're cold compared to mine.
The voice that cannot speak somehow smiles if I keep watching your pale skin go white.
Still I deny it all to save you,
I close my eyes and you’re still you.

The leaves tumble down,
A thread hangs from the trunk,
Each leaf tied by unseen hand,
Locked in frozen fall,
They call them tears,
But they cling on instead of drop,
A whisper on the water,
Ripples pink in sunset's warmth,
Across the almost still, dark water,
Reflections warped,
Silent breath,
Watch the colour fade.

Up too late,
Yes, I suppose,
But I'm writing thoughts,
Working out my mind,
Before I close to the dark.

Up too late,
Yes, if you like,
But I'd rather lose an hour,
Sleeping uselessly than,
These words that I write.

Up too late,
Yes, I'm tired,
But I'm enjoying being free,
To talk and say what I want,
Without the pressures of life.

Up too late,
I can't deny it,
But it is worth it.